Posts Tagged: marriage
5

"It’s perfectly possible that she will react badly."

A man writes into The Guardian asking for advice about whether to tell his bride to be that a) he is bisexual and b) he has had sex with her dad before. Let's just trust that this incredible coincidence is real, and get into it. I feel like the author spends far too much time encouraging him to reveal his bisexuality (which, yes! Be honest with your future spouse about your sexual identity whenever possible!) and not nearly enough addressing the fact that HE HAD SEX WITH HER DAD.

If she can come to terms with your admission, then you’ve chosen the right person for you. If not, she [...]

3

Ask Baba Yaga: What If The Person I Love Doesn't Want To Marry Me?

Transcript after the jump.

3

Stronger Together, Boring Alone: An Interview With Eva Michon

As I Skype with Eva Michon, I can hear her dog wheezing loudly; she's having a powerful dream. The light coming through Eva’s Los Angeles bedroom is impossibly golden— California sunshine in the middle of a drought. The editor of the oh-so-cool Bad Day Magazine, Michon is also known for music videos for bands like Owen Pallett, Trust, and for her husband, Sebastien Grainger.

This month, her feature documentary Life After Death From Above 1979 is available on Vimeo on Demand. The film follows the ten-year relationship between the formative garage rock two-piece Death From Above 1979, made up of drummer Sebastien Grainger and [...]

21

Preexisting Conditions

My husband is at the DMV taking both the written and the behind the wheel portions of his driver's test. I am not married to a 16-year-old; rather, this is happening because my husband's been driving our family minivan without a license for the last four years.

We had planned to go hiking and grill out with our two young daughters today. We both work full-time and the two of us rarely have a free day that aligns. But he told me over breakfast that he had to go handle this—previously, we'd both found out at a court date for a previous traffic violation that his driving privileges had actually [...]

3

"…saying she was single when she was maintaining nine husbands."

The government believes this woman, who is accused of having ten husbands at the same time, was doing it to get guys legal residency in the country, and that "potentially an Al Qaeda plant could come in, marry this woman and be in this country illegally." Which, really, is always a risk no matter how many husbands you have. I prefer to think that she just plumb forgot. Who among us hasn't forgotten about a husband or two?

4

Perfection Achieved

Solange Knowles: most perfect person on Earth? Please submit your 5,000-word essay arguing why Solange Knowles has, in fact, achieved a new level of perfection previously unknown by humanity, using her recently released wedding photos as proof.

2

'Til Death Do Us Part

I’ve been telling the same joke for, like, fifteen years. The joke was probably funnier when I was twelve, but it still makes my mother laugh like nothing else: wide-eyed and so serious, I say, “If you really want to get to know your spouse,” with a pause for comedic effect,” divorce them.”

I saw Gone Girl last week and realized that the book and film make the same joke with only the slightest variation: if you really want to get to know your spouse, kill them.

0

“I have an important question about married life, which remains incomprehensible to me, but I am trying to understand,” I Gchatted my childhood friend Vanessa last week. She’s been with her husband for a decade. “When the hell do you masturbate?”

Maureen O'Connor over at New York asks the question-that-you-didn't-know-you-had-but-now-that-you-mention-it-I-guess-yeah-I-have-always-wondered-that: do happy couples masturbate?

“We do masturbate in front of each other sometimes, mostly out of laziness,” said Dana, a 26-year-old who’s lived for three years in a 450-square-foot apartment with her boyfriend.

“Girl, sometimes I do it next to him,” said another married friend, who has been with her husband for 12 years.

“Even [...]

12

How To Change Your Name In 41 Easy Steps

1.) Practice saying your new name. Say it aloud to friends, family, and police officers. Ask yourself these questions: Can I pronounce it? Can I spell it? Can I remember it?

2.) If you are changing your name as part of getting married, proceed to step 2b.) If not, skip to step 3.

2b.) Go online and print out an application for your marriage license. On the application, there will be a question asking what you want your new name to be, followed by a large blank space. Whatever you write here will be your new name! Congratulations! Mazel tov!

2c.) The application will most likely have some rules [...]

9

On Pheasants and Polyamory

I found the pheasants accidentally. I’d gone looking for the avenue of shoes on Brush Street, a new art installation in Detroit, and got a bit lost. When I stopped to orient myself, I saw a single pheasant through a thicket of tall grass in a vacant lot next to a sagging two-story. The house had an old Ford F150 parked in front. I saw an empty kiddie pool, a plastic circle in turquoise with green fish printed on the bottom. I heard soft crowing, and walked stealthily towards the sound

As I approached, I saw more pheasants through the tall grass. I wanted to make out details, but the [...]