“I have an important question about married life, which remains incomprehensible to me, but I am trying to understand,” I Gchatted my childhood friend Vanessa last week. She’s been with her husband for a decade. “When the hell do you masturbate?”
Maureen O'Connor over at New York asks the question-that-you-didn't-know-you-had-but-now-that-you-mention-it-I-guess-yeah-I-have-always-wondered-that: do happy couples masturbate?
“We do masturbate in front of each other sometimes, mostly out of laziness,” said Dana, a 26-year-old who’s lived for three years in a 450-square-foot apartment with her boyfriend.
“Girl, sometimes I do it next to him,” said another married friend, who has been with her husband for 12 years.
1.) Practice saying your new name. Say it aloud to friends, family, and police officers. Ask yourself these questions: Can I pronounce it? Can I spell it? Can I remember it?
2.) If you are changing your name as part of getting married, proceed to step 2b.) If not, skip to step 3.
2b.) Go online and print out an application for your marriage license. On the application, there will be a question asking what you want your new name to be, followed by a large blank space. Whatever you write here will be your new name! Congratulations! Mazel tov!
2c.) The application will most likely have some rules [...]
I found the pheasants accidentally. I’d gone looking for the avenue of shoes on Brush Street, a new art installation in Detroit, and got a bit lost. When I stopped to orient myself, I saw a single pheasant through a thicket of tall grass in a vacant lot next to a sagging two-story. The house had an old Ford F150 parked in front. I saw an empty kiddie pool, a plastic circle in turquoise with green fish printed on the bottom. I heard soft crowing, and walked stealthily towards the sound
As I approached, I saw more pheasants through the tall grass. I wanted to make out details, but the [...]
My ideal wedding, age 6: The ringbearer is a puppy, the cake is chocolate. The wedding is held in a beautiful old church because beautiful old churches are where all people get married—even Jews from New Jersey.
My ideal wedding, age 9: Basically, it’s The Princess Bride but starring Michael J. Fox as Westley, me as Buttercup. And plenty of unpoisoned wine at a mostly traditional feast, except that there’ll be a whole lot of chicken fingers.
My ideal wedding, age 12: Themed weddings can be quite fun and unique. My wedding will be Broadway musical-themed, just like my bat mitzvah. My future husband will rescue me from some ogre [...]