Once I got stoned alone and made the mistake of putting on Alejandro Jodorowsky’s surrealist acid trip of a film, Holy Mountain. I had watched it a million times before and didn’t think it would be a big deal. If I had some sort of spiritual experience watching it while on the influence of cannabis, that sounded fine! Sadly, that was not the case. When I saw the scene where a perverted old man pops out his fake eyeball and gives it to a young girl, I began to have a full-on freak out. I texted my friend, told him about my dire situation, and he replied, [...]
This was a pretty snazzy week at Ye Olde Hairpinne: we interviewed Aisha Franz, brilliantly recast Working Girl, fainted while posing nude, protected ourselves from some fashion don'ts, experimented with some placenta (or 'centa, if you're cool), asked Baba Yaga, took a surprisingly difficult quiz, considered five moments in the life of a black mother, got to midsummer, and discovered that Drake is totally a Charlotte.
What'd you do this week??? I put placenta in my hair (you know this) and Haley dropped half a pizza facedown on the floor. She ended up firing herself. So long, Haley.[...]
Lifetime has recently been focusing on biopics instead of their usual awesomely bad cyberseduction-forbidden-priest-romance fare. Last year, they released The Anna Nicole Story; despite a decent cast (Adam Goldberg, Cary Elwes) and this shot of Martin Landau as J. Howard Marshall, the film fell flat. So far, this year we'll see The Unauthorized Saved by the Bell Movie, an unauthorized Aaliyah flick to look forward to (or fear), and a Whitney Houston movie directed by none other than Angela Bassett.
Lifetime’s latest release, The Brittany Murphy Story, seemed like it came out [...]
"Bloodfeast" is a new period foods-themed recipe column.
Happy Period Day, everyone! Time to roll out the fanfare of cheesy carbs and whatever gluttonous pleasures you lovingly reward yourself with during your moment of bloodspill. Whenever it is my own goddess moon time of the month, I crave A BIG ASS BURGER. I like to call this ritual, “Blood in, Blood Out.” I’ll go to In-N-Out for some animal style or hit up a greasy spoon diner, it doesn’t matter. Red meat and melty cheese dance in my eyes like emoji hearts.
This last time it was period burg time, I wanted something sweet to go with my savory… simultaneously! [...]
Lola: In order to properly communicate our complex and glorious relationship to the most important thing that ever happened to us in our entire lives, it may be best to begin with a diagram.
A VIN DIAGRAM?
Let us first approach the most superficial layer of the Fast Universe’s divine beating heart: the plot.
Marie: The Fast and the Furious (2001) is about a police officer named Brian O’Conner (Paul Walker) who goes undercover as a street racer to reveal the identities of a team of truck hijackers, which is suspected to be Dominic Toretto (Vin Diesel) and his crew. As expected, there is an initial suspicion [...]
Welcome, welcome, my menstruating wizardesses. A few things first. I’ve heard some news that Pantone’s most recent choice for “Color of the Year,” marsala, resembles period blood. If that’s the case, I’m hoping this trend continues in the future and we get “Maxi Pad White” and “Tampax Box Blue.” Aside from that, I’ve been jotting down all of my fantasy tangibles on my Chrismukkah wishlist. I’d like one of those all-over print pizza onesies, but one made out of the finest cashmere. Do those exist? I just want pizza to keep me warm.
Speaking of beloved pizza, today I’ve got something truly special for us to chomp on. [...]
Let’s raise our Diva Cups for a toast. This is a momentous occasion: we are now all on same menstrual cycle. At least that’s what I’m happily assuming. Look at us, braiding each other’s hair, holding hands, surfborting together on ye olde crimson wave. Someone please pass the Midol. I’m wearing white culottes because I like to live dangerously. My dearest Sync Sisters, let’s celebrate this period party with a Bloodfeast snack we can all share!
A couple of years ago I hosted a party based on a legit fantasy: a “Midnight Cartoon Sandwich Party.” I wanted to surround myself with supportive friends cheering me on as [...]
Gather ‘round, my Bleeding Beauties. For the first time here on Bloodfeast, we’re making a dessert! Yes, this B has finally made you something SWEET. I know you’re probably like, “Boo, you whore. Isn’t eating sweets while you’re on your rag a total stereotype for a reason? BECAUSE IT’S TRUE? How dare you make us wait this long.” My apologies; I am so selfish. I’ve got SUCH a salt tooth. I swear on my Buffy the Vampire Slayer (the movie) DVD that we’ll get down with some real chocolate treats in the future. In the meantime, let’s get horny over these butterscotch blondies.
When I made these, I [...]
Happy Horrors, my sisterwitches of The Mystical Menorrhea! How’s everyone’s ovaries doing? Me and mine are preparing for All Hallow’s Eve celebrations. I’m thinking about finally dressing up in the costume I’ve wanted to since the late 1990s–a box of tampons, like Kelly Macdonald’s character did in the movie Splendor–but alas, that might be too obvious. Still, I just want to pay Halloween homage to our cherished Female Curse!
Which brings me to this month’s Goddess feast, which is a quick and easy one. Being born and raised in Southern California, I’ve eaten my share of delicious authentic Mexican tacos. But sometimes, just sometimes, I get [...]
Greetings, my Blood-shedding Sisters of the Red Moon. Today we are going to make a very special macaroni and cheese dish that will magically get rid of your menstrual cramps. Just kidding! It won’t get rid of them, but it might make you feel better and a ‘lil carb cozy while watching some Lifetime Original Movies—or LOMs, as I like to call them. Mother, May I Sleep With Danger?
A mac and cheese connoisseur like yours truly has no doubt experienced some noteworthy varieties. There was the famous Nancy Reagan recipe that an ex-boyfriend’s mom used to make an obscenely often amount. There’s been the trendy truffle macs [...]