We dudes can be a confusing, emotionally constipated, nearly-illiterate group of horndogs with smartphones. And since it’s 2014 and most people are paralyzed by the idea of speaking into a phone receiver, we must fumble our path to fornication via cryptic texts which barely constitute as flirting, let alone communication, most of the time.
But hey! I’m a dumb dude with thumbs and a libido! So let me pull back the Old Spice-scented curtain and let you peek inside the mind of the modern bro’s texting intentions:
hey = I am scared, unfathomably scared.
sup? = Please do not discover my insane insecurities, I do not feel cool. Ever. [...]
Just kidding, this new weed lube sounds great.
Why Does the Woman Cross the Road?
Well, she doesn't know really, and couldn't have articulated it if anyone were to ask her. But no one does. No one asks her much of anything since Anita left. All she knows is the pavement feels sturdy beneath her feet, the road leads somewhere, and crossing it means she will no longer have to be here, in a house too filled with someone who isn't coming back.
A Priest, Rabbi and a Duck
The bartender doesn't initially notice the Priest, Rabbi and duck push through the wooden brown doors and enter her bar. She is gently and mindfully drying pint [...]
How old is the New Zealand singer Lorde, certain particularly obnoxious Internet circles have been wondering over the last few months. (Not without cause: "[The Virgin Suicides] really resonated with me as a teenager," the singer told Rookie's Tavi Gevinson recently. "I mean," she continued, "I am still a teenager.")
The fine country of New Zealand, for $17.02, has provided us with what they say is a copy of Lorde's birth certificate. Lorde's full name: Ella Marija Lani Yelich-O'Connor. Lorde's DOB: 7 November 1996. Lorde, two-time Grammy winner, is 17 years old. The above documentation effectively shuts down any lingering doubts in regards to Lorde's real age, a [...]