Posts Tagged: lindsay king-miller
2

Precious Emotional Energy, Getting a Haircut, and The Gay Man's Crush-o-Meter

Last winter I went to an art museum with my mom and girlfriend. We ran into a lady who frequented my place of work (retail). We'd always been friendly and had known each other (in a work-customer relationship way) for a few years. I’ll call her "Jane". Jane approached us to say hi, and I introduced my girlfriend.

Jane: Ooh, girlfriend? As in, a friend or a mate? Because my daughter just told me she has a girlfriend and that she's fluid! Are you fluid? What does that even mean? Me: That means she isn’t attracted to just one gender. Jane: Oh! So, let me ask you something, I'm [...]

5

"Rebounding," Internet Dating, and Oppressive Monogamous Conditioning

I’m a queer man who’s just come out on the other side of a 5-year relationship (and being in my early 20's, that is a major chunk of my life) with a wonderful man whom I still very much care about, but it was time to move on and make choices for myself and be alone for a bit. We only officially broke up in the past week and a half, but I had been thinking about it and dealing with the possibility of the break up for a while longer than that time.

At the very end of our relationship I had a run in with an old [...]

7

Big Lesbian Feelings, Fearful Mothers, and Proper Pronouns

I went through a big deal breakup a month ago and am now attempting casual dating/hooking up. How/when should I tell people I'm not looking for an actual relationship? Any other casual dating advice you might have would be very welcome.

If you’re only interested in casual dating, you simply cannot disclose too early. Like, bring it up before you order drinks on your first date. Include it in your online dating profile. Screen-print it on a hoodie that you wear anywhere you might meet romantic prospects.

Casual dating/hooking up is not a bad thing at all, but since it might be a dealbreaker for the people you want [...]

7

Coming Out 'Wholesale,' Emotional Affairs, and Crushing on Chicks Who Don't Dig Chicks

I’m a 37-year-old lady who came out as bisexual in the ‘90s, and then struggled for 4 or 5 years, before I threw up my hands and ‘decided’ to ‘just be straight.’ My mom was pissed I was gay/bi—especially when she didn’t believe me. I ran down the list, ending with, “Remember that friend who used to stay over nights? Yeah, we totally boned upstairs. A lot.” And my friends were gently confused but didn’t care one way or the other. More dismaying were the men I dated, who predictably were down with the self-serving mental imagery of their lady getting it on with a lady, but which had little [...]

1

Keeping it in Your Professional Pants, "The Window," and Telepathic Hints

I have such a crush on my intern. I'm not her supervisor, though I'm a senior person on a team that she is also on, so I'm in a leadership role in relation to her. I'm only two years older than she is. She is so ambiguously queer I can't even stand it. We either have extremely subtle, almost-undetectable queer-girl sexy eye contact going on, or I am *totally imagining everything.* When she leaves our office at the end of the school year, can I ask her out? TBH I don't actually want to date her, just make out with her. I really don't want to be a creep, or [...]

2

How to Have a Boyfriend, "Advanced Dating," and Girls With Short Hair

My girlfriend of over a year recently came out to me as a trans man. I've never been in a relationship with a man before: not because I'm unattracted to men—I am sometimes!—but because I've always preferred the company of women, and I love the queer community. I love my partner and support him and I want to stay with him, but I never thought I'd have a boyfriend, and I need some advice on how to proceed.

My boyfriend has told me that he still sees himself as queer, and that we're still a queer couple, and he intends to be open with friends and family about [...]

9

Can Femmes Prefer Femmes, Hating Your GF's Therapist, Am I Heterosexual, and LDRs

My surface question is this: How common, really, is the sort of stereotypical "femme/butch" dynamic in female same-sex relationships?

My real question is this: How can I, as a relatively femme cisgender woman, meet other relatively femme cisgender women? This is not the only sub-population that I'm interested in, but it's probably the most compelling one to me. I tend to be kind of wary of "lipstick lesbian" groups, because the ones that I'm familiar with can be pretty exclusive ("bi/queer folks, trans*/genderqueer folks, and ugly folks need not apply!"). But it often seems that in the larger LGBTQ world, I run into two obstacles: First, my femininity does not signal [...]

7

The "Queerosphere," Letting Terrible Dog Owners Lie, And Smelly Business

I'm 25 and recently started to own the fact that I'm bi. I’ve never dated a lady, but have really really wanted to push a few up against a wall and kiss them (with their consent, of course). The only people who know about those urges are a couple of dudes I’ve dated. One thought it was hilarious and liked to laugh at these delusions of my younger self (and we were together four years—hoo boy). Another helped me accept those feelings as legitimate. I’m really excited to explore the queerosphere but still figuring out how. Online dating? Hang around in the local lesbian ‘hood with a conversation-starting [...]

12

The Hairpin Halloween Advent Calendar: Halloween Rituals

It's our firmly held belief that Halloween is far more important than Christmas, and therefore more deserving of a countdown calendar. It is, after all, the most wonderful time of the year: there are parties and costumes and terrifying things like Martha Stewart, and candy and then more candy and then even more candy, and your ability to consume that much candy is a marvelous thing to behold.

So, in celebration of the Highest of High Holidays, we're bringing back our Halloween Advent Calendar. We'll post one or two Halloween-y pieces a day in the 13 days leading up to October 31. Why 13 days? Because 13 is [...]

21

Apologia

Have you seen that Pantene commercial that’s been making the social media rounds? The one that asks why women are always apologizing?

I’m the first half of that commercial. I am an apologizer. You know: one of those insecure, irritating, thoroughly un-empowered women who can’t stop saying “I’m sorry” even when they haven’t done anything wrong. “I’m sorry, can I get past you?” “I’m sorry, I ordered this with no mayo.” “I’m sorry to bother you, but our meeting was supposed to start half an hour ago.”

It’s the worst type of un-feminist stereotype: the woman who feels ashamed of existing, ashamed of taking up space, ashamed of asking [...]