Posts Tagged: leggings

When You're Unemployed

The first thing to go is the caring. You used to care so hard about everything. You cared about what other people thought of you, and you cared about your resume, and you cared about your health and your apartment and your future. But now it feels like the person who cared about those things was some other person. You didn’t realize that caring was like gasoline, that you could empty the tank and, without the positive reinforcement something like employment provides, be unable to refill it. You are all out of caring.

You have replaced caring with a new feeling. That fuck everyone feeling. Everything is horrible. Your metaphorical [...]


Are Your Leggings Ruining Your Life?

"Suck your stomach in as far as it will go then breathe out about halfway. Tie a piece of string around your stomach at that point and keep it there all day." —We won't be covering Osama, so we'll counter it in the stupidest way possible: There is a new way to undo the devastation leggings have brought to our bodies. OK, moving on.


Frequently Asked Questions About Tights

I wear tights a lot, so I get asked questions about them almost every day. Sometimes twice a day, sometimes just once a day, and then a few days pass before there are any more tights questions. I am technically the most qualified person to share these VERY frequently asked questions about tights.

Q: Why wear tights? A: Because it’s cold outside.

Q: Yeah, but there are other options. Why tights? A: They make you look skinny.

Q: Can’t you just wear a Spanx bodysuit for that? A: Spanx bodysuits only go to mid-thigh. Tights come all the way down. You don’t have to shave your legs!

Q: Doesn’t [...]


Do You Wear Underwear Under Leggings and Tights?

I know, I know: leggings are not pants and tights are not pants. But are they underpants?

Last year I was walking with some friends when I said, “Hold on, I need to adjust my underwear,” and then reached into my leggings to do just that.  (It was dark, and on a quiet block, I swear.)

“Why are you wearing underwear?” a friend asked.


Lady Refuses to Put Her Pants on One Leg at a Time Like the Rest of Us

But somehow still manages to look adorable.



A Modern Lady's New Year's Resolutions

In 2011, I resolve to stop video chatting in public places. It's going to be hard, because I don't have my own bedroom or a phone or anything, but I'll just keep reminding myself that my Macbook camera adds 10 pounds and my mirror doesn’t.