Hairpin, please welcome your guest bloggers this week: Michelle Markowitz, who is always just crushin' it, and Lauren O'Neal, our favorite dirty hippie. They will guide you through early March, and when it is over you will probably wish they never left. Please say hi to them here and on Twitter, and please give them first-day-of-school noogies, they deserve it. Things around here will be pretty much normal, and Jia and I will be back next week. We'll miss you dearly. Send a postcard if you need us.
When I started grad school a few months ago, I was delighted to find that all the restrooms in the Humanities building have chalkboards in each stall. Presumably it’s a technique intended to cut down on actual graffiti, and it seems to work: Though the chalk is long gone and the messages are mostly in marker, those messages on the chalkboard, and the stalls’ walls, remain pristine (for some definition of the word pristine that includes surfaces sprayed nearly continuously with microscopic drops of toilet water).
Here are a few:
Lady 1: Well-behaved women rarely make history. Lady 2: self-hatred [with an arrow pointing to the strikeout] Ah, the [...]
IBlameThePatriarch.com go, read, know You mean this whole mess was just one patriarch this entire time? Well, goddamn, I blame him, too.
Don’t be sexist, bitches HATE THAT … You know, fair enough.
Lady 1: douchebag Lady 2: douchebag is a hygienic product I take that as a compliment! Lady 3: They give you yeastie beasties! Ew! Something about this exchange is unexpectedly cute. Is it the “yeastie beasties” part? I think it’s the “yeastie beasties” part.
College is for people who Who what? Who WHAT?!
I would rather have diamonds in my pussy & dicks round my neck! Can we please all put this on our family [...]
It was 9 p.m. — I know because I’d just taken my nightly pills — when the burning in my throat started. This wasn’t like a sore throat you get during a cold. It was like someone took a knife, dipped the knife in acid, and then ran the acid-knife down my esophagus. I started crying, half in pain, half in panic, and half because the burning was wreaking havoc on my sinuses — yes, these were 150% tears.
While I debated going to the ER, I gulped down a few glasses of ice water and a sleeve of off-brand Ritz crackers, then, obviously, checked Twitter to make sure [...]
You probably haven’t heard of Michelle Sutherland (yet). At the end of last year, she directed Gertrude Stein SAINTS!—one of the weirdest, craziest, coolest stage performances of the year. The work combines two texts by Stein—Four Saints in Three Acts and Saints and Singing—into a sort of opera-musical showcasing a multitude of American music styles, from doo-wop to Shaker music to rap. It was the only show to win more than one award at this year’s New York Fringe Festival, and it’s returning to New York soon for a three-week run at the Abrons Art Center. For a good idea of just how strange and glorious [...]
When I moved into my current apartment, I was told it had a dishwasher. Actually what it has is a machine that uses water and a tremendous amount of noise to take bits of food from one dish, swirl them all around, and stick them onto other dishes. This may have to do with detergent companies removing phosphates from their formulas; I’ve tried several different brands, and none seems to work. A maintenance guy even once told me the problem was that, paradoxically, I was using too much soap, which may have been clogging the pipes.
I wasn’t surprised when I heard that Rush Limbaugh called Georgetown law student Sandra Fluke a “slut” and a “prostitute” for arguing that health insurance plans should cover birth control. I wish I could say I was, but unfortunately it’s the kind of crude, thoughtless misogyny we’ve come to expect from arguably the most influential conservative pundit in the country. What is surprising about his statements is how he and other conservatives have, for the moment, stopped trying to use arguments about religious freedom and started trying to present as a self-evident truth the idea that women should be prohibited from having sex. And that should drive home one [...]
When I wrote about quitting shampoo over two and a half years ago, I was a relatively recent convert to the natural-hair game.
Here’s what I knew then: You go through a terrible phase where you don’t wash your hair at all. When that phase is over, you do the following instead of using shampoo: put baking soda in your hair, rinse it out, put apple-cider vinegar in your hair, rinse it out. Repeat once every 5–7 days, washing with just water in the meantime. Boom bam boom, the end.
That’s all still true, but now that I’m a seasoned veteran (kind of literally, because of the vinegar), [...]
Every year since 1956, the Eurovision Song Contest has united an entire continent with the power of music and the beauty of poorly translated English. This year’s competition, held in Baku, Azerbaijan, is no different. Each country submits a song, and viewers voting by phone or text select a winner. In grand Eurovision tradition, their choices include a few folk songs, a few rock songs, a few dance-pop songs, and innumerable sappy ballads. Oh, and a Romanian entry that’s inexplicably in Spanish.
If you tune into the finals on Saturday, you’ll get to see a lot of amazing performances, but you’ll miss out on the songs that have already been [...]
Gift baskets! They’re great, except that the pre-made ones you order online are overpriced, and you get approximately one chocolate chip per five pounds of packaging. Plus why are they always themed around one flavor? I mean, yes, we all can and will eat an entire basket of chocolate, but wouldn’t you rather give someone a variety of goodies precisely calibrated to their personal tastes?
What you may not have realized is that you can make your own gift basket at any grocery store at any time, including an hour before that holiday party at your neighbor’s house when you’re not sure what to get her because it seems [...]