Posts Tagged: kira garcia

“What’s In Your Handbag?” Submission Rejects

What’s in your handbag, Freyja, Norse goddess of love, sexuality, beauty, fertility, gold, seiðr, war, and death?

Gold eyeliner that a friend gave me because she’s a mortal and she wasn’t sure she could pull it off, empty containers of skyr, that strained Icelandic yogurt that I’m super addicted to, an overdue Comcast bill, Garnier bb cream and SO many treats for the nine magical grey cats who pull my chariot, (gluten-free ones for Helga who has a sensitive tummy). I love these creatures, but they’re useless when they have low blood sugar.

What’s in your handbag, Louka, female Tapir recently relocated to a French wildlife [...]


Welcome to Subaru Roadside Assistance & Empowerment

Thank you for calling Subaru roadside assistance and empowerment. This call may be monitored for quality assurance.

Before we start, we’d like to ask you a few questions so that we can provide you with better service. If this is a life-threatening emergency, or if you have tickets to a WNBA game that starts in fewer than 30 minutes, please hang up and dial 911.

—Let’s begin.

We have identified you using your phone number. According to our records, your Preferred Gender Pronoun is


Is that still accurate?

—Great. We have located you using your phone’s GPS. Please be aware, wait times may vary depending on your proximity to [...]


A Conversation With Adrienne Truscott, a Performance Artist Doing a One-Woman Show About Rape

In my most feverish anxiety dreams, I'm at work facing a tribunal of scary bosses, not naked but totally bottomless, and somehow more-naked-than-naked as a result. For performance artist Adrienne Truscott, dreams like this are the stuff of inspiration. In her new solo show, "Adrienne Truscott's Asking for It! A one-lady rape about comedy starring her pussy…and little else!"  Truscott wears a cropped denim jacket, boots, a wig, and, well, not much else.

The setting’s not within everyone’s comfort zone, but Truscott’s audience is in good hands. She’s a seasoned performer with a history of naked feminist shenanigans (notably as half of the Wau Wau Sisters) and her [...]


Mad Libs: Art House Cinema Edition

[Low impact exercise activity] in [Metropolis in a developing nation] A young teacher named [woman's first name] slowly reveals the depths of her psychological turmoil in the wake of a [national catastrophe] by forming a coalition of local [anachronistic professionals] to rise up against the [head of state]. 150 Minutes; Black & White

The refuge of [virtuous quality] As a family of nomadic [type of cured meat]-makers gather for a ceremonial feast in [a bucolic setting], a secret is revealed by the youngest member, [boy's name ending with "ek"]. Glowing images of [type of fruit] in the [Mediterranean nation] countryside represent the family's longing for the abundance of eras past [...]


A Shopping List From the 1897 Sears Roebuck Catalog

1. New school blouses for Walter and Alfred. $2.85 x 2

2. Internal cure for my Catarrh, which is worsening. 1 doz. bottles, $5.00


Mad Libs: New York Times Real Estate Edition 

Inspired by the "The Hunt."

After 18 months in a Hell's Kitchen sublet where the doorman charmed but the dining options were largely "unsuitable now that I've committed to a ketogenic Jainist nut-free vegetarian lifestyle," [name of special person A] and her spouse [name of special person B] were ready for a change.

[Special person A] took an [unbelievable number of weeks] paid leave from her job as a performance art archivist and digital [string of four arbitrary letters that suggest a marketing-related acronym] strategist to commit to the search. "It was scary," she whispered, "My apartment was well below market rate at $8,000 a month—how was I going [...]


It Was Hard Out There in the '80s, Too

It's Monday, so you're probably slogging your way through a work day. After all, those burgers need flipping, the phone needs answering, and the law needs… legislating? Perhaps you're looking for a musical boost. Who could blame you? I'm here to give you some alternatives to the Lily Allen snoozer. As it turns out, the second-wavers had plenty to sing about how hard it was out there in the '80s. And as an added bonus, their hair was amazing. So let's minimize the Lily Allen and click on over to Donna Summer for an afternoon pick-me-up.

"She Works Hard for the Money" — Donna Summer, 1983 If [...]