One of the earliest recorded globsters – The St. Augustine Monster of 1896.
Class: Unidentified organic mass
Threat Level: 1.5 out of 5 screams. (They might be lifeless, but they are SO gross.)
Summary: “Globster” is a term used to describe unidentifiable, seemingly dead carcasses that wash up on seashores. That this phenomenon is so common as to need its own name, and that that name is “globster,” is really all you need to know. In 2003, the 14-ton Chilean Blob globster motionlessly and silently terrorized a nation — onlookers probably reported feeling as though the mass was “looking at [them], seriously, get it awayyyeeee.” In this [...]
Him: So did we make out last Friday? C: Uhhh, hahaha … uh, yes. Him: Okay, I just wanted to let you know that I’m just not looking for anything right now. C: Me neither. We’re on the same page so don’t worry about it. Him: Well, I mean, you’re a very attractive woman but I’m just so busy now that it would be hard.
K: Is this the hot mean neighbor, or the Swedish guy you can’t understand, or the DJ-slash-waiter? C: None of the above. It’s this annoying guy from class who starts every sentence with “Actually.” K: What’s wrong with you? C: [...]
The Texts Him: “Merry Christmas! :)” B: “Thanks you too, btw who is this?” Him: “It’s ______, how have you been?” B: “Oh RIGHT, good! How about you?” Him: “Good. :)”
The Analysis B: Ugh, I cannot take another year of this. K: What do you mean? He sends you that every year? With all the smileys and everything?? B: Yes! Every Christmas he texts me and I put his number back in my phone. And then EVERY year I take it back out, and then the whole thing happens all over again. It’s like the Matrix, practically! K: Or Inception!! B: Yeah. I mean, I didn’t see either [...]
“A triumph!” = biopic set against a horse-related backdrop
“Dark, edgy” = someone inexplicably huffs chemicals
“Impeccably acted” = British person with good American accent/American person with good British accent
“High-octane thrill ride” = contains cars that go fast and blow up
“…gives a brave performance” = gained weight for the role/wore prosthesis
“Sure to leave you on the edge of your seat” = ladies in underwear will be covered in blood
“…tugs at the heartstrings” = cancer*