Him: Nice job today. My teeth feel very clean.
K: Uhhhhhhhh gross? C: He was my practice patient in lab earlier. For, like, a cleaning. K: What? Did you FLOSS him?? C: Um, yesss … K: I don’t know how you can think about kissing him anymore. Or even talk to him. After your hands were in his mouth. As a dentist I would be too embarrassed to see any patient more than once I think. C: Well anyway, in between the various cleaning tools or whatever he was teasing me, SORT of? By like, making fun of Chicago. He was like, “Your hometown is the [...]
2:30 a.m. Him: I find myself still attracted to you but I’m glad I was able to come talk to you tonight. R: Well I’ll always have a little crush on you too, but I’m glad we could talk and that you’re happy. Him: If I’m honest I don’t know if I would have had the resolve to say no if the attempt had been made to take things further.
9:20 a.m. Him: But you can do way better.
K: Hahahahaha wow I am going to slay the whole solar system. R: We seriously never have a punching bag around here, anywhere. K: I can’t [...]
One of the earliest recorded globsters – The St. Augustine Monster of 1896.
Class: Unidentified organic mass
Threat Level: 1.5 out of 5 screams. (They might be lifeless, but they are SO gross.)
Summary: “Globster” is a term used to describe unidentifiable, seemingly dead carcasses that wash up on seashores. That this phenomenon is so common as to need its own name, and that that name is “globster,” is really all you need to know. In 2003, the 14-ton Chilean Blob globster motionlessly and silently terrorized a nation — onlookers probably reported feeling as though the mass was “looking at [them], seriously, get it awayyyeeee.” In this [...]