Posts Tagged: kathleen hale
11

How To Change Your Name In 41 Easy Steps

1.) Practice saying your new name. Say it aloud to friends, family, and police officers. Ask yourself these questions: Can I pronounce it? Can I spell it? Can I remember it?

2.) If you are changing your name as part of getting married, proceed to step 2b.) If not, skip to step 3.

2b.) Go online and print out an application for your marriage license. On the application, there will be a question asking what you want your new name to be, followed by a large blank space. Whatever you write here will be your new name! Congratulations! Mazel tov!

2c.) The application will most likely have some rules [...]

32

Dress Your Family In Your Lover's Shoes

I was asleep on the overnight train from Carbondale to Chicago, dreaming about snuggling with my boyfriend, Sam. I awoke to find myself reaching for my seatmate—a newly released convict who did not want to snuggle.

“No,” he said, crossing his arms. I knew he was a former inmate from his grey sweatpants, matching t-shirt, and prison-issued sneakers. The Pinckneyville Correctional Center is halfway between Southern Illinois and Union Station. The midnight train is the cheapest option for shipping freed men north.

He shook his head. “I don’t cuddle.”

“Sorry,” I mumbled. It seemed pointless to explain that I’d thought he was my boyfriend of one [...]

52

My Recent Life According to My Yelp.com Reviews

I recently had to take some time off from my job due to carpal tunnel syndrome, which, for the record, is little like crumpling aluminum foil between the tendons in your wrists and then sticking your arms in a microwave.

I’m not trying to sound brave or anything. As an athlete, this is by far the dorkiest injury I have ever sustained — worse, even, than my most embarrassing ski-vacation-injuries. Including the time I skied into a tree and got my head stuck between the trunk and one of the branches, and then started breaking out into a rash from the pine needles while my family snapped photos and laughed [...]