This is unoriginal, but I'm a really bad procrastinator. I like spending thirty minutes staring at my pores in the mirror, or spending an hour scrolling to the hundredth page of Tumblr, or spending a day imagining what I'd look like if I shaved my eyebrows off (ok?). But I also crave the feeling of being productive, and can't operate too well without it. A friend recently asked me what I'd deem a perfect day, and nestled among 2-5 breakfast sandwiches, I asserted that I wanted a block of 90 minutes where I would put music on and get things done—clean my bathroom, get to inbox zero, update my [...]
It's our firmly held belief that Halloween is far more important than Christmas, and therefore more deserving of a countdown calendar. It is, after all, the most wonderful time of the year: there are parties and costumes and terrifying things like Martha Stewart, and candy and then more candy and then even more candy, and your ability to consume that much candy is a marvelous thing to behold.
So, in celebration of the Highest of High Holidays, we're bringing back our Halloween Advent Calendar. We'll post one or two Halloween-y pieces a day in the 13 days leading up to October 31. Why 13 days? Because 13 is [...]
"That was a friend who emailed me. I hadn’t talked to him in a while, and he wrote and said: 'Hey, how are you? San Fran’s great, I’m seeing a new lady, and I want to impress her with a clean bong.'"
—We'll have more with Clean Person Jolie Kerr on the site next week, but please tide yourself over with her Q&A in the New York Times (!) today. My Boyfriend Barfed in My Handbag is due out next Tuesday, and she and Bobby Finger will be chatting at Brooklyn's Powerhouse Arena next Wednesday, Feb. 26 at 7 p.m. Details [...]
In my junior year of college, I took a Jane Austen seminar with about ten other women and one guy; the chaff (like, two hundred women and…one guy) having been swiftly winnowed out by the necessity of writing an introductory Austen essay to be judged on. And it was a great seminar, and I met my best friend in it because we had both just been dumped and could not write our final papers and got basically eternal extensions on them—I think they still have my diploma—because our professor had also suffered great heartbreak. So, when I think of "Pride and Prejudice," I think first of female friendship, now, and [...]
At Halloween, I bought a bunch of decorative gourds and tiny little pumpkins. These things are practically indestructible so I have had them strewn about my kitchen and dining room ever since. One of them started looking a tiny bit suspicious, so I checked them all.
One on my wooden dining room table that looked perfect from the top was totally stuck on with gross pumpkin mold and goo and stuff. So far I've thrown away the rest of the pumpkins and gently scraped off of the worst of the gunk, but there's still some gross stuff on there and a dark stain underneath. It is solid wood [...]
On Monday, I lamented; this Friday, I rejoice. Copied and pasted directly from an email from the one woman who can save America: "This would work, right? Better than suction cups? Clip it onto the soapdish? Use a stemless wine glass? Too much of a stretch???"
Not a stretch but a stroke of genius.
Are we doing Year of the Clean Person? Surely I can start with Day of the Clean Desk? I cleaned mine off really well on Saturday, but it's already wearing a light layer of cups and pens and headphones and Kleenex and keys and lighters and sandwich crumbs. Jolie Kerr, perpetual light in the filthy, filthy darkness, suggests an office-cleaning toolkit:
- A tube of pre-moistened wipes
- Canned air
- Isopropyl alcohol
- A chamois or other soft cloth for cleaning electronics
- A small bottle of dish soap and a quick-dry sponge for cleaning up spills on clothing, upholstery or carpet
Yes. I can do that. Canned [...]
Thematic tourism can be great (it also can be exploitative, which is not so great). Since it's October, the witchiest, most magical month, we've rounded up 13 of the hocus-y pocus-y museums around the world.
1. Museum of Witchcraft, Cornwall, UK Cornwall is the mother of all witchcraft museums, which we mention by way of asking: who wants to go on a field trip? The museum's website notes that important events in its history have fallen on Samhain and Hallowe'en. Their Twitter feed is bananas and delightful and the reason that I follow Cornish Folklore. Also the museum was founded by a [...]
Lovely, stylish, very clean person Jolie Kerr has a book out Tuesday from Plume, and we are very excited, not least because Jolie got her cleanliness-writing start right here at The Hairpin. My Boyfriend Barfed in My Handbag . . . and Other Things You Can't Ask Martha is precisely what it sounds like, a cohesive, informative, and fun compendium to help you reduce filth of all shapes, sizes, and proteins without judgment. New York-area folks: Mark your calendars for the book launch, moderated by Hairpin writer Bobby Finger, at the Powerhouse Arena in Brooklyn on Wednesday, February 26.
I talked to Jolie about how the column got [...]
If you've been missing the lovely Jolie Kerr's "Ask a Clean Person" un-filthying column on this site, it's now running on Jezebel and Deadspin, on alternating weeks, as "Squalor."
Sadly we couldn't keep her here forever, much as it would have been nice to (in an immaculate steel cage for all eternity), but the first installment deals with problematic outerwear, among other things, and everyone remains reassuringly disgusting.
Wait, Jolie, how do you get [chickadees?] out of an air-conditioner?