Posts Tagged: imperfect advice from strangers

Bad Haircuts From a Friend's Good Hairdresser

What do you tell your friends when they recommend a restaurant/dentist/etc. and you have a bad experience?Case in point: two of my friends go to the same hairdresser. Their hair always looks great. I decided to also go to that hairdresser. But now I have a poorly done version of The Rachel. It's not just that the style the hairdresser gave me is bad, it's totally uneven and kind of awful. I actually phoned the salon owner to ask if someone else can fix it, which I have never done before.

Of course, I take this experience as no reflection on my friends. Maybe the hairdresser was having a bad [...]


When to Tell Someone They Might Be Gross

Dear Hairpin,

So, I am still friends with a guy I dated for a while, like, a decade ago. We get lunch or dinner a couple times a year and catch up. He's been pretty much single since then and is bummed about having a hard time finding a girlfriend (he wants to be in a committed LTR hopefully with marriage and all that jazz).

I'm pretty sure one of the things keeping him from finding someone special is that 1) he dresses the way he did ten years ago, like badly matched sort-of Goth attire that doesn't fit, 2) he often, like every time I see him so I'm [...]


Ask a Clueless Lady

1. I'd really appreciate some advice. I've been dating a guy for a year and a half now and everything is great, wonderful. Except that I don't feel very important to him. I've mentioned this to him and he said that he would try to improve. And yet, there is no change. He is still not making plans with me, not bringing me round to his parents, or inviting me on nights out with his friends.

Now, we've talked about a future together briefly and us moving in together. He paid for me to go on holiday with him. And yet, he can't do simple things like make an effort [...]


Sex Phases, Red Flags, and "I Just Don't Think You'd Be a Good Parent"

1. I've been conditioned by quizzes in magazines and movies to believe that it's a red flag when a man has trouble with the idea of marriage. My boyfriend of a year and a half and I talk about marriage frequently. Neither of us are in a hurry to get married. Recently, he blurted out, "I don't really like the idea of marriage."

He then went on to say that he loves me, and is committed to me. That he wants to have kids and buy a house with me. That, because he knows marriage is important to me, he'll be willing to marry me in a few years. He [...]


Other People's Kids, Homes

A fun one from the advice bag:


I suspect I might not be the only person in this situation, so I'm interested to put it out there and get feedback. I'm in my mid-30s and many of my good friends are having children. I'm not a big fan of children, and have chosen to have none myself. I don't HATE kids; they generally just make me really uncomfortable. Of couse, no matter how I frame this viewpoint, no matter how I carefully I contextualize this opinion, I am labeled as a "child hater" by most people. Especially parents. It's all part of the same tired old narrative that [...]


Friends' Relationships, Sex, and the Ones Who Get Halfway Away

1. Is there a loving, appropriate way to handle a friend who you feel moves too fast in relationships? Like maybe a friend who moved across the country to continue a relationship that you suspected should have ended a year before it did, who then finally gave up trying to win that person back and moved back home six months after the relationship ended, but who is now asking you to analyze conversations they are having on OkCupid? And also every time you GChat, this friend tells you when the person they are talking to last logged in to OkCupid? Or is that normal now? I am a married [...]


Depression, Mothers-in-Law, Friendzones

1. At what point does your wife trump your mother?

My mother-in-law suffers from a host of mental illnesses that she has had for as long as anyone can remember. These problems result in her being defiant, promiscuous, self-endangering, and basically incapable of telling the truth.

I agreed to let her stay with us temporarily until we could find a better situation. My husband made me a few promises that made me think this could be okay.

1) If it got to be too bad, we would kick her out and she would go back to being crazy and destructive outside of our home.

2) I get to decide what [...]



Hi Hairpin, I am desperately in love with someone TLC might call a "scrub." He's kind and sweet and smart and charming, but he also doesn't have a bank account or health insurance or a "real" job, and my parents think he's not good enough for me. I know he is good enough for me because he makes me so happy, but I do feel very anxious about this. I love him, but I'm nervous about what our lives would be like if we ended up together. I am a teacher, so I don't make tons of money either, but I sometimes worry that he is completely impoverished. It makes [...]


Is He a Crazy Douchebag Wizard?

Long time reader, first time writer. With a big mess of a problem. I can't talk about this with anyone I know, because I'm certain I'm going to look like a huge ass (and he will too, which I don't want). I think I already know what's going to happen here, but I guess I need confirmation or something. Or maybe it's not that bad and I should roll with it (probably not)? Let's see…

There's this guy (obviously), and we've hooked up a couple of times. I couldn't figure out why, but when I was SO attracted to him and fantasized about sleeping with him almost instantly when I [...]


The Bestworst Guy

Please help me get over the Best/Worst guy possible. The worst: He was my boss. He is essentially married, and cheats prolifically on his lady, taking many mistresses. I was one. He might be involved in illegal activities. He is pretty bad news. He is what my mami would call amujerigo. He might be a sociopath.

The best: he has a gold tooth. He rings a metaphorical bell near his head when he hears a Calle 13 lyric he loves. He reads everything. He puts me on his lap and lets me use the wheel while he uses the pedals. He can cook. He makes me feel de-fucking-lightful. Listen, I [...]