Posts Tagged: hp

Grandma's Proxy

My brother’s request was simple, his tone firm: We were going out for dinner. I couldn’t recall the last time I ate a full meal, let alone left the house. I hadn’t been to my own home—a six-hour drive north—in weeks. Deadlines passed unnoticed, my precarious writing career in peril.

Everything rested on a fulcrum, the pulse of a 77-year-old woman in a dark room. And that was all that mattered; I was either inside that room, or just outside it.

“I don’t know if I’m doing a good job,” I confessed as my grandmother and I watched the hospice nurse pack up her bags.

“She says she’s not [...]


Our Clif Bars, Ourselves

WHITE CHOCOLATE MACADAMIA NUT First name John, last name Gacy, middle name Wayne.

PEANUT TOFFEE BUZZ My, you sure are grumpy today, aren'tcha? Didn't have time to get your iced Americano today, didya? Better take this fiber-enrobed shit nugget to the face.

OATMEAL RAISIN WALNUT Just eat a cookie chased by a hardboiled egg.

MAPLE NUT It's the dead of winter and you can hear the satisfying crunch of snow beneath your feet as you journey deeper into the woods, fiendishly in search of sustenance. A winter bunny bounds past, but you are too slow to catch it. A reindeer with a meaty looking flank makes direct eye contact, but [...]


Elsa’s Coming Out Party

In a world of pretentious dude film critics, Dana Stevens stands out as an acute observer and an approachable intellectual with a sense of humor, and we are grateful for her for all she does. But every once in a while a reader has to say, “WTF?” As in, “WTF? Dana Stevens hates movie makeovers?”

In discussing Frozen, about which she is generally positive, Stevens expressed dismay about the Oscar-nominated power ballad “Let It Go,” during which Elsa transforms from Disgraced Princess to Ice Queen:

“That perfect girl is gone,” she declares as she ditches her old look (a modest dark-green dress and purple cloak, hair [...]


Picture Books for Grownups: A Conversation With the Author of Are You My Boyfriend?

In 2006, Christina Bryza was working in publishing, reading children’s books daily as part of her job. She found herself envious of how those pithy picture books could take a complex problem, deconstruct and decipher it, and tie so many life questions up with a solution by the end. Reading them, she says, “You’d learn something, but you wouldn’t necessarily know you learned something, you’d just feel better.” Not completely fulfilled by her post-grad 9-to-5, nor her dating life, she wanted something like that for herself, a friendly, handy explainer of modern adult life. She jotted down some notes, comparing P.D. Eastman’s classic kids book Are You My Mother? to [...]


Feminist Twitter Avatars

If you’re a lady who occasionally spouts the odd homage to gender equality and you’re considering existing on the internet, you’re in for a surprise. Some people already don’t like your stupid lady face. They think you’re going to come in and spill cosmopolitan all over the xhtml while laughing too loudly, ruining everything. Before we go further, answer these three questions:

a)    Do you believe in having autonomy over your body?

b)    Have you ever had a margarita?

c)    Have you read a forum on hair removal in the last 12 months?

They’re going to hate you.

Consider using one of these preemptive internet avatars for your social accounts, [...]


Welcome to My Pity Party

Hello, hi, and welcome to my Pity Party! Coats can go in the bedroom. Hey there! Please check your positive attitude at the door. Thank you for coming! So good to see—well, no—mainly not-good to see you, all of you, smiling. But still, let’s get this party started! Let’s get this thing in motion! Let’s initiate the nonstop meaningless crying over the Broncos’ defeat.


I’ll be the first to admit: this year so far has not been The Best. It isn’t as bad as last year, and it’s easier than what I expect of next year, but yeah, nope, 2014—what are we, a month or so in?—has been tough. [...]