Posts Tagged: how to

How to Form a Knitting Circle

1. Consider who you want to join your circle. Do you have a group of friends who are interested in learning about knitting? Or are you planning on starting a group with people who you haven't met before? Because so much of what you’ll learn in your knitting circle is oathbound, a knitting circle is a lot like a second family. Try to invite people who seek camaraderie and support and also possess an interest in the magic of knitting. Typically any number up to about seven or eight works well.

2. Determine when and where you’ll meet. Coffee shops, bookstores and the woods are all great options. Be [...]


How to Have a Dinner Party

1. Invite people who believe in food. A dinner party will be much more successful if everyone there believes that food really exists. Remember, it just takes one food skeptic to ruin the party. Also, don’t invite anyone who is afraid of food.

2. Ask your guests to prepare questions. Preparing questions in advance will give the dinner party more structure. However, guests should not expect to receive clear, straightforward answers to their questions since food does not communicate in the same way that people communicate. Also, you may want to ask your guests to bring photographs of their own food – it helps to make connections.

3. [...]


How to Reveal a Pregnancy Over Facebook Chat

It doesn’t help to remind myself that it all worked out okay for Katherine Heigl.

I still want to throw up.

I’ve only known I’m pregnant for three days, but I’ve already had the conversation a dozen times in my head.

“Heeey, so. I know we haven’t been going out long, but…” “Remember how we promised each other that we were just going to have fun, and the only rules were no diseases or babies? FUNNY STORY.” “I’m pregnant. It’s yours. Fuck you.”

Nothing seems quite right. Sometimes, lying on my bed staring at the ceiling, I think obsessively about greeting cards for the knocked up and inarticulate. It keeps me from [...]


How to Catch a Hairball

In my driver's license picture my hair is short, chin-length. But my actual hair has been long for the past year. It's constantly grazing the small of my back, like some creepy, million-fingered hand, but I like it, except for the part that involves showering. More shampoo, longer rinsing, and — what the hell is this? — clogs in the bathtub drain?

I've begrudgingly had to acknowledge that this is a thing that happens when you have long hair and you want to wash it sometimes. It doesn't matter if you try to catch all the falling strands by making a hair collage on the tile: You won't get everything, [...]


How to Deal with Weird Body Hair

Welcome. I see you’ve clicked on the link about weird body hair. Is it because you’re looking for ways to get rid of yours? Is it because you have some and want to make sure it’s normal? Is it because you were also betrayed by health class and were more prepared to grow black hair on your tongue from smoking a cigarette than grow nipple hairs or tiny chin hairs or the occasional single chest hair?

It’s okay. You’re in a safe space. Let’s address a few questions about some of the lesser-discussed body hairs.


How to Become a Web Content Writer

First, graduate college. Congrats, you did it. Read a bunch of trend pieces about how the economy is in the crapper and thousands of college graduates are moving home with mom and dad. Consider the prospect of moving into your childhood bedroom with the flimsy wood paneling, where you can hear your parents rutting vigorously in the next room. Still in love after all these years.

Panic, have stress diarrhea. You're on the precipice, although you don't know it yet. For a short while longer you'll still be a virgin. Your Search Engine Optimization hymen is intact and would be worth 100, even 200 goats in some areas of [...]


Trick or Treat, Smell My Feet, Gimme Thin Sliced Meat to Eat

Can I borrow your dress, Sugar?


A User's Guide to Raising Your New Puppy While Remaining Sort Of Sane

1. First of all, your puppy is an idiot.

2. Give the puppy a name that reminds it every day what an idiot it is. We recommend: Grandpa Pajamas, Mrs. Boob, Waffles.

3. Your puppy is a coldhearted idiot. You will know this to be true the next time it looks you straight in the eye and pees on your carpet.

4. Don't get lured in by expensive puppy swag. Deodorizers and "Thundershirts" are bullshit. Wrap the puppy in sheets like a mummy if you need it swaddled and use white vinegar when it shits on the floor.

5. It will shit all over the floor.


How to Go on Tour*

*Or Have an Amazing Road Trip

Hi ladies! We're going on tour! This is great; we're so excited about the combination of playing a million shows and sitting in a van for a million hours. We love it. This is how we do it right.


We want to have cute show outfits and comfy clothing for travel, we want to pack light, and we want to tour cheaply.

1. Resist the urge to pack one million show outfits. You're playing different cities every night, no one will know if you wear the same thing twice (or three times!). 2. Pack accessories/separates/shoes that can be matched with most everything. [...]


How to Write Romance Novels

Women like you have two dreams in this world. The first is a pair of ferocious boots that say "Sarah Michelle Gellar speaking crossly to a Sudanese rebel." The second is a successful, secret career as a romance novelist. That first dream of yours kind of creeps me out, but the second one is something I can help with. It turns out that writing romance novels is very, very easy as long as you follow the rules. In my role as friend to women, I'm going to tell you about those rules, and illustrate how I followed those rules with actual, incredible prose.

To start, you need to introduce [...]