Posts Tagged: how to
34

How to Become a Web Content Writer

First, graduate college. Congrats, you did it. Read a bunch of trend pieces about how the economy is in the crapper and thousands of college graduates are moving home with mom and dad. Consider the prospect of moving into your childhood bedroom with the flimsy wood paneling, where you can hear your parents rutting vigorously in the next room. Still in love after all these years.

Panic, have stress diarrhea. You're on the precipice, although you don't know it yet. For a short while longer you'll still be a virgin. Your Search Engine Optimization hymen is intact and would be worth 100, even 200 goats in some areas of [...]

30

Trick or Treat, Smell My Feet, Gimme Thin Sliced Meat to Eat

Can I borrow your dress, Sugar?

89

Five Ways to Ensure Your Wedding Doesn’t Suck

You’re getting married in three weeks! Or three months! Or you’ve been roped into helping your best friend plan her wedding! Or someday you just know that you will meet Mr./Ms./Dr. Right and you want to be prepared. Whatever your current situation, Congratulations. How wonderful. Wedding planning can get crazy, but really it’s not that complicated. It doesn't matter how low-key or over-the-top your wedding is, if you do a few basic things, you’ll be golden.

Play your cards right and on your wedding day there will be a moment when time kind of stops and you look around and see all of your friends and family [...]

7

How to Avoid Getting Wet in the Rain

If you want the long, very interesting explanation of how to stay dry, you should watch all 18+ minutes of this video. It's worth it not only for the mathematical explanation but also for the wonderfully charming MIT professor who's explaining it and his hilarious jokes. (Great math crack at the 15:32 mark!) His accent could not be more perfect, his explanation more thorough, or his enthusiasm more infectious. He had me at "I'd now like to discuss a classic problem of Mary and Peter arguin' in the rain."

If you want the short answer: The faster you run the less wet you'll get, and if you lean forward while [...]

21

How to Go on Tour*

*Or Have an Amazing Road Trip

Hi ladies! We're going on tour! This is great; we're so excited about the combination of playing a million shows and sitting in a van for a million hours. We love it. This is how we do it right.

Clothes

We want to have cute show outfits and comfy clothing for travel, we want to pack light, and we want to tour cheaply.

1. Resist the urge to pack one million show outfits. You're playing different cities every night, no one will know if you wear the same thing twice (or three times!). 2. Pack accessories/separates/shoes that can be matched with most everything. [...]

154

How to Write Romance Novels

Women like you have two dreams in this world. The first is a pair of ferocious boots that say "Sarah Michelle Gellar speaking crossly to a Sudanese rebel." The second is a successful, secret career as a romance novelist. That first dream of yours kind of creeps me out, but the second one is something I can help with. It turns out that writing romance novels is very, very easy as long as you follow the rules. In my role as friend to women, I'm going to tell you about those rules, and illustrate how I followed those rules with actual, incredible prose.

To start, you need to introduce [...]

75

How to Make a Doll Into a Wine Glass in 23 Quick Steps

Not that you ever would, or should. But in light of these condiment bottles

1. Get a doll with a plastic head. They sell good, cheap ones at CVS, Rite Aid, and places like that.

2. You’ll also need a pair of scissors, a plastic wine glass, and a hammer. (Optional but not actually recommended: clear nail polish.)

176

How to Reveal a Pregnancy Over Facebook Chat

It doesn’t help to remind myself that it all worked out okay for Katherine Heigl.

I still want to throw up.

I’ve only known I’m pregnant for three days, but I’ve already had the conversation a dozen times in my head.

“Heeey, so. I know we haven’t been going out long, but…” “Remember how we promised each other that we were just going to have fun, and the only rules were no diseases or babies? FUNNY STORY.” “I’m pregnant. It’s yours. Fuck you.”

Nothing seems quite right. Sometimes, lying on my bed staring at the ceiling, I think obsessively about greeting cards for the knocked up and inarticulate. It keeps me from [...]

68

How to Catch a Hairball

In my driver's license picture my hair is short, chin-length. But my actual hair has been long for the past year. It's constantly grazing the small of my back, like some creepy, million-fingered hand, but I like it, except for the part that involves showering. More shampoo, longer rinsing, and — what the hell is this? — clogs in the bathtub drain?

I've begrudgingly had to acknowledge that this is a thing that happens when you have long hair and you want to wash it sometimes. It doesn't matter if you try to catch all the falling strands by making a hair collage on the tile: You won't get everything, [...]

26

Make Your Own Stationery: A Guide to Heat Embossing

People always say that handmade gifts are the best gifts, but until recently, I never really thought that would apply to my life. As a marginally creative person who completely lacks the ability to bake cookies or paint pictures, I figured it would probably be better just to buy handmade soaps and junk like that. But I have come to realize that crafting is awesome! And not really that difficult. You, too, can make sweet little handmade cards — all you need to do is learn how to heat emboss.

Luckily, heat embossing, despite the Martha-esque results, is actually super easy. But before you get started, you're going to [...]