It doesn’t help to remind myself that it all worked out okay for Katherine Heigl.
I still want to throw up.
I’ve only known I’m pregnant for three days, but I’ve already had the conversation a dozen times in my head.
“Heeey, so. I know we haven’t been going out long, but…” “Remember how we promised each other that we were just going to have fun, and the only rules were no diseases or babies? FUNNY STORY.” “I’m pregnant. It’s yours. Fuck you.”
Nothing seems quite right. Sometimes, lying on my bed staring at the ceiling, I think obsessively about greeting cards for the knocked up and inarticulate. It keeps me from [...]
In my driver's license picture my hair is short, chin-length. But my actual hair has been long for the past year. It's constantly grazing the small of my back, like some creepy, million-fingered hand, but I like it, except for the part that involves showering. More shampoo, longer rinsing, and — what the hell is this? — clogs in the bathtub drain?
I've begrudgingly had to acknowledge that this is a thing that happens when you have long hair and you want to wash it sometimes. It doesn't matter if you try to catch all the falling strands by making a hair collage on the tile: You won't get everything, [...]
People always say that handmade gifts are the best gifts, but until recently, I never really thought that would apply to my life. As a marginally creative person who completely lacks the ability to bake cookies or paint pictures, I figured it would probably be better just to buy handmade soaps and junk like that. But I have come to realize that crafting is awesome! And not really that difficult. You, too, can make sweet little handmade cards — all you need to do is learn how to heat emboss.
Luckily, heat embossing, despite the Martha-esque results, is actually super easy. But before you get started, you're going to [...]