Posts Tagged: horoscopes
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July Horoscopes from Galactic Rabbit

Dear Internet Bunnies,

We’re most of us in the thick of summer and this July I’m a fuzzy love bunny lounging in the cool shade. Come outside and sit for a spell with me. We can steal the burgeoning root veggies just toeing up in the warm dirt. For these horoscopes, I’ve decided that each of you needed a song and I know we all have different tastes but I hope you’ll give your music-familiars a chance. The sun is so bright, and the flowers born new everyday. If a storm comes, let it be a relief, an opening—we are in this together, you and I.

Yours, Galactic Rabbit

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The Gift of Small Predictions: January Horoscopes from Galactic Rabbit

Welcome to My Mystic Galaxy Lair, Hairpin Readers. It is my pleasure to offer you this gift of small predictions, warnings and love-notes. This is an informal tea, a midnight crumpet party, so take what you need and leave the rest. All My Cosmic Love, Galactic Rabbit

Capricorn (Dec 22-Jan 19): Capricorn, inscrutable animal, it’s your month. The Sun and Moon are with you and illumination is yours. HARK! The cosmos sings your name so take the risk and sing along. It’s time to make a home of your body, the house you are always building but never have time to reside in. Have you made yourself dinner? Was it nourishing? Give [...]

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The Ancient Butter Face

Something fun/ridiculous for a Friday: Are you an Earth Face, a Wood Face, or a Water Face?

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Highlights From Our Fate & the Zodiac, a Dark 1916 Horoscope Book

Would you like to know your fate? Come in, come in. *Book creaks open.* And here's an apple, I'm told you can barely taste the poison. Oops, why do I always say that part out loud!

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April Horoscopes from Galactic Rabbit

Dearest Starbunnies,

O April is the cruelest, I know. Too many days it took me to catch these thoughts for you. 'Tis hard to be a crystal whilst suffering Spring plague. 'Tis not hard to slip into this silly, affected voice. Okay, I'll stop fooling around: here is what I have for you, my Spring hares! Before you search for your personal sign, I would like to avail you of some key planetary information. This April presents us with a Cardinal Cross. What is that? That is when the four cardinal signs: Aries (Uranus), Cancer (Jupiter), Capricorn (Pluto) and Libra (retro Mars) form a square in the sky! They [...]

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Horoscope Is Life

Vintage romance comic book treasure trove / secret garden / haunted mansion / invisible crypt Sequential Crush outdoes itself today with the 1970 story "Horoscope Don't Fool With My Heart," in which the gloriously haired Ginny relies on her astrology books a little too much — or does she???

Plus there's another story at the end, and it is amazing.

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Telling the Future, and Miranda July's The Future

Fans of Miranda July and/or internet horoscope machines might enjoy the website for her new film, The Future, which comes out July 29 and is about two people who adopt a stray cat. The trailer is below, or you can head directly to the oracle, which has nothing to do with movies, and which actually gives terrible advice.

[Spins again, spins again, spins again]

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What Your One Direction Crush Says About Your Year

With the dawn of the new year, the astrological tides have shifted, giving new meaning to old loves. Read on to see what your One Direction crush—your most important zodiac feature—means for the year ahead.

*Zayn

It’s time to come out from the woodwork, Zayniac. You are the core, the xylem, the support beam. You smiled your way through 2013, but dimples can’t work forever. Have you been longing for more attention, more respect, more tattoos? Don’t worry: this year, the vernal lunar patterns will usher in a period of openness, making it feel easy — even necessary — for you to move into the spotlight. Some people may shy away from [...]

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Tonight's Full Moon

Last weekend for whatever reason I decided to check my horoscope on AstrologyZone, which can sometimes be entertaining even if you don't buy into any of it, mostly because Susan Miller — AZ's proprietress — writes with such thoughtful and breathless conviction, it's amazing. Anyway, I lost my iPhone a few weeks ago (sorry to everyone I know; this has been the only thing I've talked about since), and then in the horoscope it said that March would be a month in which it'd be easy to lose valuable possessions, such as smartphones. What! Oh my god. *faints* And then she said that the full moon on [...]

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Whatever the Situation or Secret Moment, Enjoy Everything a Lot

"Ready? Sure? Whatever the situation or secret moment, enjoy everything a lot. Feel able to absolutely care. Expect nothing else. Keep making love. Family and friends matter. The world is life, fun and energy. Maybe hard. Or easy. Taking exactly enough is best. Help and talk to others. Change your mind and a better mood comes along…" —Infographic master David McCandless is back with another master infographic, this time of the "most common words in star sign predictions," as well as the above meta-horoscope, which is valid for today, tomorrow, and all eternity.