Posts Tagged: herpes

A Chronological List of Things Men Said to Me After I Told Them I Had Herpes

When I was diagnosed with herpes on my 23rd birthday (happy birthday to me!), I was devastated and thought no one would ever want to have sex with me or date me ever again. Six years later, here is a chronological list of what each of the people I’ve dated have had to say when I told them.


“What,” my upstairs neighbor said when I pulled his hands out of my underwear, “I’m clean.” It felt like someone had put an icicle through my stomach. I slid out of bed to cry in the bathroom. The next day I knocked on his back door and crawled into his bed. [...]


The Perks of Herpes

We were naked. He was hard. I'd always considered this moment the best time to disclose, because rejection seemed less likely when the possibility of a good lay was hot-breath close. Though maybe once we're naked, it's too late.

I shut my legs and stacked my knees to one side. “I have to tell you something,” I said.

Prefaces, everyone knows, are never good.

“What?” he asked.

I took a breath, let it out. I hate this part, I said to myself, possibly aloud. And then, definitely aloud: “I have herpes.”

Silence. The word had to be chased with something.

“But before you freak out,” I said as casually [...]


How I Found Out I Didn't Have the Herpes I'd Been Living With for Four Years

This story is an update to this story, published here in April 2012.

Six months ago, I sat waiting in my gynecologist’s exam room chair, fully clothed and wishing I were anywhere else. At that particular moment, I’d even have preferred being naked and spread-eagled on the paper-lined bed. It’s not true what they say about the stirrups being the worst part of the ladyparts exam room: it’s the chair. Once you’re clothed and in the chair, it means you’re there to talk.

You never forget your first time debriefing with your gynecologist. Mine was four years ago, at age 22, when I sat crumpled in a chair [...]


Ask a Clueless Lady

1. I'd really appreciate some advice. I've been dating a guy for a year and a half now and everything is great, wonderful. Except that I don't feel very important to him. I've mentioned this to him and he said that he would try to improve. And yet, there is no change. He is still not making plans with me, not bringing me round to his parents, or inviting me on nights out with his friends.

Now, we've talked about a future together briefly and us moving in together. He paid for me to go on holiday with him. And yet, he can't do simple things like make an effort [...]