Posts Tagged: handy guides
2

Tax Terms, Explained

APRIL 15

This is Seth Rogen's birthday. He turns 32 today. Seth Rogen was born in Vancouver, laughs like a Muppet, and is your ideal body type. He similarly has no idea how to do his own taxes.

IRS

I Rock Sandals Is Ringworm Scary? Indiana's Rest Stops Other: __________

REFUND

Kayak dot com forwardslash spring break forwardslash margaritas cervezas forwardslash J Crew bathing suit sale forwardslash SPF 85 because melanoma is a real problem

UNCRUSTABLES

These are all the sandwiches you ate this year. For every sandwich, you could get something back from the sandwich shop, but only if you wrote every single one down. How many sandwiches did [...]

9

Our Clif Bars, Ourselves

WHITE CHOCOLATE MACADAMIA NUT First name John, last name Gacy, middle name Wayne.

PEANUT TOFFEE BUZZ My, you sure are grumpy today, aren'tcha? Didn't have time to get your iced Americano today, didya? Better take this fiber-enrobed shit nugget to the face.

OATMEAL RAISIN WALNUT Just eat a cookie chased by a hardboiled egg.

MAPLE NUT It's the dead of winter and you can hear the satisfying crunch of snow beneath your feet as you journey deeper into the woods, fiendishly in search of sustenance. A winter bunny bounds past, but you are too slow to catch it. A reindeer with a meaty looking flank makes direct eye contact, but [...]

14

A 41-Step Guide to Giving Yourself a Heart Attack

1. Arrive at your parents' house in the Berkshires from Brooklyn. Your parents are not home. Your parents are at the ballet.

2. So, better make sure it’s nighttime.

3. And make sure it’s rainy.

4. Be alone (because you have no boyfriend, as you are “too picky, especially for someone your age.” –Mom)

5. Be a generally skittish person to begin with.

6. Enter the house.

7. Go back outside to get your stuff.

8. Notice that the garage door is open and you're pretty sure it wasn't before.

9. Stop and think about this for a second.

10. Go back inside.

11. Become convinced you are entering an [...]

5

How to Change Your Password: A Heartbleed Guide

Millions of passwords, credit card numbers and other personal information may be at risk as a result of a major breakdown in Internet security revealed earlier this week.

The damage caused by the "Heartbleed" bug is currently unknown. The security hole exists on a vast number of the Internet's Web servers and went undetected for more than two years. While it's conceivable that the flaw was never discovered by hackers, it's nearly impossible to tell. -The AP

Here is a foolproof guide to changing your personal passwords during this crisis.

MATT DAMON

Imagine you're lying in a meadow and Matt Damon is shirtless next to you. He smells [...]

9

Other Types of Showers

We are not all having babies, but we all deserve a shower. Here, I've done the shopping research for you.

 

1. The occasion: You got a full-time office job after a year of being unemployed/"uh, mostly freelance."

Where to register: J.Crew, Banana Republic, Zappos, Etsy, The Container Store

What to register for: This blazer is classic and sized from 00 to 16. Yes, it's almost $200 and you haven't gotten your first paycheck yet, but remember, you're not paying for it. Pencil skirts may feel snug if you were stress-eating entire boxes of pistachios and sugary dried pineapple rings while writing cover letters; pleats are [...]

24

A Guide to Eating Very Particular Feelings, Part III

FEELING: The one where you jolt alert to find the golden street you walked down now behind you, the sunset down to an embarrassing smudge like an old lady's lipstick, the lovely town only visible through the window of a fast-receding train, and you have slipped like a paring knife between sense and experience, forgetting to touch it, forgetting to make it real.

HOW TO EAT IT: Hot dog.

•••   FEELING: The one where you wake up the morning after too many drinks with a fist of dread in your gut as if something terrible happened last night, some maiming or insult or betrayal that will devastate you as [...]

8

These Are the World's Best Tights

The Sweethome tested 54 tights and has declared these tights the best, most durable tights in the existence of tights (specifically: "black, footed leg coverings that are semi-opaque to opaque… and which can be worn in both professional and personal settings"). Lululemon's spray-on tights were not included in the round-up. [The Sweethome]

12

How to Throw a Georgian-Era Christmas Party

Georgian era (1714-1830) English Christmas begins early. Inspired by Sarah Beeny’s A Very British Christmas program, this list will make sure your hair is properly coiffed, your guests are satiated and your knickers aren’t in a wad.

1. Procure a stately home. This one looks nice.

2. Employ at least 15 servants so everything runs smoothly.

3. Gift-giving officially began on December 6. Some good options: money, apples, eggs or a castrated cockerel.

4. Put the children to bed—they aren't invited or even included in the festivities for a few more decades. This is good, as things will get a bit racy.

5. If your party [...]