I dread getting my hair cut. Actually, I dread getting all of them cut.
The reason is three-fold. I hate small talk, I hate people touching my head, and I hate being hovered over—especially when that person is above and behind me. I'm positive that in a past life I was killed suddenly, from behind, and that it was mob-related.
Anyway, haircuts, for this reason, are traumatizing. I avoid getting them until my hair starts to feel like chainmail and starts talking to me. That’s when I know it's time.
I can't make an appointment like a normal person, so my method is this: I walk down random streets until [...]
1. Be drankin'
2. Sing on the mic 'til your voice gets hoarse
3. Then you fill the tub up halfway
4. Then you ride it with your surfbort,
7. Then you grain on that wood, grain, grain on that wood
8. Then just swerve on that, swerve, swerve on that big body
9. Keep serving all this, swerve, surfing all in this good,
11. Wow, look at you. You have surfbort hair.
(Or, also, you could follow this actual tutorial with Kim Kimble, Beyoncé's hairstylist.)
What do you tell your friends when they recommend a restaurant/dentist/etc. and you have a bad experience?Case in point: two of my friends go to the same hairdresser. Their hair always looks great. I decided to also go to that hairdresser. But now I have a poorly done version of The Rachel. It's not just that the style the hairdresser gave me is bad, it's totally uneven and kind of awful. I actually phoned the salon owner to ask if someone else can fix it, which I have never done before.
Of course, I take this experience as no reflection on my friends. Maybe the hairdresser was having a bad [...]