We (I)'ve been talking about the band Haim's perfect middle parts for a while now, in part because they are very talented and in part because what adult woman can pull off a middle part in 2013, actually? How does the universe even allow it? My middle part reverts me to age 13, all awkward limbs and braces and white eyeliner. Rachel Syme has scooped us on the more tactical how (no extensions!) in the New York Times today:
…[Stylist Candice] Birns said that a good deal of work is required to achieve this casual look, which Este said was partly inspired by Jane Birkin [...]
Who can blame you for wanting freakishly long eyelashes? Surely clicking on this link means you are far more realistic than those who look at the pages displayed beside it: the ones about being a grandmother who looks 27 while working from home and clicker-training a rescue dog. You are at peace with yourself. You want to be you — you, but with freakish lashes.
The package arrives. You apply the solution. You sit quietly, close your eyes as instructed, and are delighted to hear the sound of your new lashes thrusting themselves into the light.
What will it mean, you think, to have these freakish lashes in your life? [...]
I dread getting my hair cut. Actually, I dread getting all of them cut.
The reason is three-fold. I hate small talk, I hate people touching my head, and I hate being hovered over—especially when that person is above and behind me. I'm positive that in a past life I was killed suddenly, from behind, and that it was mob-related.
Anyway, haircuts, for this reason, are traumatizing. I avoid getting them until my hair starts to feel like chainmail and starts talking to me. That’s when I know it's time.
I can't make an appointment like a normal person, so my method is this: I walk down random streets until [...]
1. Be drankin'
2. Sing on the mic 'til your voice gets hoarse
3. Then you fill the tub up halfway
4. Then you ride it with your surfbort,
7. Then you grain on that wood, grain, grain on that wood
8. Then just swerve on that, swerve, swerve on that big body
9. Keep serving all this, swerve, surfing all in this good,
11. Wow, look at you. You have surfbort hair.
(Or, also, you could follow this actual tutorial with Kim Kimble, Beyoncé's hairstylist.)
Of course, I take this experience as no reflection on my friends. Maybe the hairdresser was having a bad [...]
Joanna Sawicka's occupation is one in which split ends or excessively dry hair could result in a ripped scalp. So how do you care for such locks?
"Two bottles of conditioner a day" is the answer, and she also "conditions her hair at least five times a day when on the road," and does her act with wet hair.
With each hair able to hold a weight of up to 3.5oz (100g), using each strand to maximum effect is the key factor in avoiding an intensely painful accident. [...]