Posts Tagged: girl talk

Girl Talk: Jake Muller

I am a chronic late gamer. I don't know why I do it (maybe some sort of contrary reaction to the update-your-personal-blog-with-detailed-review-the-day-after-the-midnight-release zeitgeist?), but even in the case of games I purchase for full price upon release, I tend to play the intro, turn the game off for the night, and then fail to return to it for about half a year, at which time I actually get into playing it and wonder why I neglected it for so long. True to form, I followed this pattern with Resident Evil 6—bought it, started playing, died horribly when I botched a quick time event, turned my Xbox off, and didn't think [...]


Girl Talk: Nathan Drake

I know, I know, December is over, 2012 is history, and we've all forgotten everything that happened during the last month. At this point we're only two cards short of a full Girl Talk Secret Diary deck, however, and I am not about to let 2012 slip away without commenting on a hot video game dude. Consider this a belated, Nathan Drake-shaped Christmas present!

At my high school, my eleventh-grade English teacher was famous for his idiosyncratic lecture on Beowulf. “BAY-o-wulf,” he intoned solemnly, “had something that Grendel did not expect. And just what was it that Bay-o-wulf had? Grip strength.”

I have not thought about Mr. Manney’s description of [...]


Girl Talk: Companion Cube

Oh Companion Cube, weighted block dearest to my heart. Your steadfast devotion has seen me through years of stasis, countless taunts from murderous A.I.s, and so, so many portals.

When we first met, I didn't immediately realize just how special you were. I'm sorry for that, Companion Cube. You seemed like just another weighted block, bearing hearts instead of Aperture logos. As the voice of GLaDOS informed me, however, you were different. You stayed by my side throughout Test Chamber 17, cheerfully allowing me to use you as a platform. You selflessly blocked and redirected Aperture Science High Energy Pellets that would have killed me instantly on impact, and [...]


Girl Talk: Sinclair

This one’s a little weird, I admit, but I’d appreciate it if you would kindly indulge me in a discussion of the merits of one Augustus Sinclair, Esquire.

The BioShock games don’t provide crush material as readily as, say, any game from any BioWare franchise. For one thing, you (“you” being the pair of hands that represents Jack or Subject Delta) are quite isolated during most of your time in Rapture. Your closest non-violent contact with other characters occurs when — post-Big Daddy slaughter — you pick up ghoulish Little Sisters to rescue or harvest them for ADAM. Your more typical face-to-face interactions with other people involve battling deformed shrieking [...]


I Do Care. I Don’t Love It.

I hate the expression “Love it.” It's used when a child does something that could be construed as cute, but also as bad behavior, which is pretty much everything children do: “Today Ginger told me I had to give her a quarter if I wanted to go to the bathroom before her.” Love it! Or when an adult does something mildly subversive: “I left work an hour early and went wine tasting.” Love it! Or when an adult does anything fun: “We sat on the beach and just did nothing.” Actually, doing nothing is also subversive these days. Love it.

I also hate it when people say, “I love it,” when they [...]


Girl Talk: Alyx Vance

As I sat down to Thanksgiving dinner last week, I had a number of things to be grateful for — family, food, shelter, the usual; the persistence of my friend Bethany, who finally convinced me to play Half-Life 2; and Alyx Vance. Guys, I've got it bad.

In the eight years I've somehow managed to move through life without personally experiencing the magic that is Half-Life 2, I thought I understood the widespread Alyx attraction. She's gorgeous! She's got a great voice. She's talented and athletic and intelligent. She's funny! She's one of the few women of color I know of to feature prominently in a video game. She [...]


Girl Talk: Raz

As summer draws to a close, it's time to reminisce fondly about our experiences in the psychic dojo that is Whispering Rock Psychic Summer Camp. (Or if you have a PS3 and haven't played it, chat about the experiences you WILL have if you have the good sense to download Psychonauts now that it's available.)

Oooh, that new kid. How cool, just HOW COOL, is Razputin Aquato?! What an entrance! Lili was clearly impressed, and so was I. I heard a rumor that he was raised in the circus. And I read in True Psychic Tales #874 that when camp was over and the brain-stealing plot was foiled [...]


Girl Talk: Dante

Prior to this month, I had never played any of the Devil May Cry games, and paid zero attention to news and speculation about the series' reboot. I actually managed to remain entirely unaware that a new Devil May Cry game was coming out at all until I received this month's issue of Game Informer. (Yes, I still get it in the mail.) I noticed that they gave DmC: Devil May Cry a 9/10 review, made it their game of the month, and, more importantly, accompanied the review with this picture: 


Girl Talk: Garcia Hotspur

All alone on Halloween night? Still looking for something (or someone) to do? You, my friend, are in luck. Meet the perfect Halloween boyfriend: Garcia Hotspur of Shadows of the Damned.

Aside from being incredibly handsome, our boy G doesn't have much to recommend him as a traditional, any-time crush. The man wears a purple leather jacket and gaudy skull rings on every finger. His reading skills are … limited. He goes everywhere with with his mouthy buddy Johnson, with whom he communicates mostly in penis jokes. He has a well-developed ego, and his feminist credentials are abysmally low. He's a demon hunter, which is a pretty high-risk [...]


Girl Talk: Niko

Aside from contributing to the moral degeneration of the modern world by teaching the children how to jack cars and murder innocent pedestrians (not all of whom are hookers) AND being incredibly fun to play, the Grand Theft Auto franchise has introduced some memorable dudes for our consideration. Due to my initial media-influenced impression that the games involved much more prostitute-slaying than they actually do and frustration with my lack of immediate "driving" ability, I never played more than a few minutes of GTA Vice City and San Andreas at a time. Their protagonists, however, still managed to make an impression on me. Nobody wears a Hawaiian shirt like [...]