Posts Tagged: emma rosenblum
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This College Graduation Season, Give the Gift of Eggs

Not since the birth control pill has a medical technology had such potential to change family and career planning. The average age of women who freeze their eggs is about 37, down from 39 only two years ago. (“Desperation level,” as Brigitte Adams, a marketing director at a Los Angeles software company who froze her eggs at 39, puts it.) And fertility doctors report that more women in their early 30s are coming in for the procedure. Not only do younger women have healthier eggs, they also have more time before they have to use them.

Imagine a world in which life isn’t dictated by a biological clock. If a [...]

115

More Lego Friend Scenarios

Lego introduced a new line specifically for girls, Lego Friends, last year. The line features a “Rehearsal Stage,” a “Summer Riding Camp,” and a “Cat’s Playground,” among other female-friendly scenarios, and no one actually thought it would sell. But last week, Lego announced that “Lego Friends had become the company’s fourth-bestselling line in only its first year (behind Star Wars, Ninjago, and Lego CITY, and surpassing superheroes), helping the company record the best financial results in its 81-year history.” Here are some ideas for future brand expansions.  

- A pink ice skating rink.

- An art class studio, with mini easels and paintbrushes.

- A soccer field, [...]

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Save the Date*

*Disclaimer: This problem obviously pales in comparison to what others are dealing with, and is just an attempt to laugh at myself a little.

Ten things to do when Hurricane Sandy floods your wedding venue, you’re supposed to get married next weekend, and you haven’t had power in your apartment for days:

1. Google ‘wedding venue is flooded?’ and then have a good cry at your desk at work.

2. Yell at your fiancé, tell him it’s all his fault, and then start crying and hug him and tell him you’re sorry, and that you’re thankful he’s been going back and forth to your dark apartment to feed the cats [...]

127

That's What She's Saying

Let’s travel back to 2009, when this penchant for poop, pee, shit and fuck hit the mainstream. That’s when Snooki, tanned trendsetter, burst into our living room, shouting, “I’m going to Jersey Shore, BITCH!” Snooki’s habit of talking about her vagina as if it were the ninth beach-house roommate quickly became her signature bit. “My vagina is killing me,” she announced on a season-three episode. But vagina was just the tip of her verbal iceberg. “Every time I get really excited, like if we go to a club, I have to poop my pants,” she bragged. “If we go to a party, I have to poop my pants. If [...]

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Other Balls

Wrecking Balls. Cannonballs. What other balls?

Fireball 

Our love exploded like a fireball fireballs are hot, hot stop, drop, and roooolllll.

Curveball

You came at me like a curveball I didn’t see you coming heeeeey, heeeeey, you should really announce yourself, K?

Sleezeball

Sleazeball, slimeball, greaseball, scuzzball (repeat)

Highball

I'm drunk on you like I had a few too many highballs tasty highballs your ice cubes are huge.

Racquetball

You play me like racquetball like racquetball you know, racquetball from the '80s?

Butterball

You carve me like a Butterball a delicious Thanksgiving Butterball you give me a tryptophan high. 

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Future Questions in Women's Advertising

"Want younger looking eyes?" asks a new Olay commercial for Regenerist Eye Serum. Wait, can eyes actually look old? According to Olay, they can. Some other questions sure to pop up in women's advertising soon:

Are your lips immature? Are your nail beds feeling anxious about work? Are your wrists finicky eaters? Is your hair rude? Do your knee caps look like they could use a vacation? Are your breasts avid readers? Are your fingers confused? Do your earlobes want to get into college early? Does your belly button feel lonely? Are your knuckles always ten minutes late? Is your right shoulder tone deaf? Is your arm hair moving [...]

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20 Irrational But Nonetheless Persistent Beauty Fears I’ve Picked Up From My Time as a Female Human Being

If I forget to wear bronzer, I’ll look like Powder.

If I don’t replace my mascara every six months, I will develop huge, painful styes on both eyes. And then I’ll probably go blind.

My deodorant is definitely giving me armpit cancer, right this very minute.

If I use the wrong shade of foundation, women’s magazine editors will swoop down from the sky, hawk-like, and pelt me to death with bottles of the correct shade.

If I neglect to wash my face before bed, I will wake up the next morning with cystic acne, dirty sheets, and probably cancer?

I will likely contract tetanus from shaving with a rusty razor.

[...]
22

Soap Is the Devil

According to this Dove commercial, soap is your skin's worst enemy. But that's just the beginning.  

Soap is stripping your skin of its essential nutrients.

Soap is drying you out.

Soap is making you scaly.

Soap is rubbing off your outermost epidermis layer.

Soap is irritating your innermost epidermis layer.

Soap is eliminating all your dewy beauty.

Soap is bringing out your wrinkles.

Soap is giving you a rash.

Soap is scratching you like sandpaper.

Soap is scratching you like a cat.

Soap is scratching you like your younger sister.

Soap is turning you into a hag.

Soap isn’t returning your texts.

Soap is leaving the AC on [...]

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How to Talk to Women

Last week, at an annual issues conference in Virginia, House Republicans held a panel called “Successful Communication with Women and Minorities,” moderated by former 'Real World'-er Rachel Campos-Duffy. Here, a lady-script for both Democrats and Republicans.

Hey girl, what's up?

Did you see Downton Abbey last night?

Matthew looks so weird this season. I know — poor Edith.

Ugh, my legs are so sore from spinning.

It's, like, $35 a class. Super expensive. That's why [D: it's cool that taxes rates are staying low/R: it sucks that the government is taking all our money].

I like your bangs, but I think my face is too round. What do you [...]

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The Best Time I … Tried to Adopt a Cat

For many years, I’d wanted to get a cat. And for just as many years, my boyfriend had resisted. He claimed that cats were creepy, would poop in our house, would never really love us, and would rip up our furniture. Cats are not creepy and they do love you, I tried to tell him (I didn’t have much ground on the pooping and furniture-ruining points), but he wouldn’t budge, so I spent many nights watching Real Housewives alone, wishing I had a cat to keep me company. Sad me! No, it wasn’t that dramatic, I just wanted a cute cat to pet.

So I pestered and pestered, and would [...]