Posts Tagged: drinking

Which Is Better: Picking Up Trash or Riding A Bike?

Two years in a row I've participated in the Real Ale Ride (a bike ride starting and ending at the Real Ale brewery in Blanco, Texas), first as a volunteer, then as a rider. As a volunteer, I got drunk and wandered the grounds of the brewery bagging litter. As a rider, I completed my first serious road ride on serious hills, and then got drunk. Which was a better time overall? Let’s compare.

Pros of Volunteering 1. Volunteers got more free beer than the riders. 2. You can totally drink beer WHILE picking up trash. 3. Litter reduction is a tangible social benefit, making the world/brewery a better place. 4. It [...]


So a Rapper Walks Into a House Party…

"One time when I was 17, I fell asleep on [a friend's] couch, drunk, in my boxers. When he knocked on the window, I jumped out of the window, went to this house party already drunk, and somehow cut my foot on something. I was bleeding all over this person's house, in my boxers, dick hanging out every-[bleeping]-where. At a house party. In the middle of the winter. In my underwear." —Creative Loafing oddly ended a list of Yelawolf's top five Atlanta hangouts with this glorious tale that proves one person's dream is another person's nightmare.



The night was going excellently. I was at one of my favorite bars, I had an absolute wrecking ball of a Long Island Iced Tea in my hand, and my best friend and I kept yelling "Rusty Cartwright's here!" at each other because he was and we were (perhaps a bit too) delighted by his presence.

Then A* came up to me. His impressive height was only emphasized by his spiky hair, which I kept wondering about. Did he wash it before he went to sleep at night? He didn't look like the type. Wouldn't his pillowcase get gel all over it? Pressing questions.

Within the first minutes [...]


Let's All Make…

Rainbow Cake Jelly Shots! "First there was the cake, then the dessert." is my tagline for these. Are they not adorable? Think of the infinite colorways your little cousins can get accidentally drunk at holiday parties this year. This recipe calls for "cake flavored vodka" which I can never find even though I try so hard. Then it says we can substitute with "whipped cream flavor vodka" (get to the point!) and then, finally, "vanilla". I'm going with regular vodka and regular vanilla, probably.


My Recent Life According to My Reviews

I recently had to take some time off from my job due to carpal tunnel syndrome, which, for the record, is little like crumpling aluminum foil between the tendons in your wrists and then sticking your arms in a microwave.

I’m not trying to sound brave or anything. As an athlete, this is by far the dorkiest injury I have ever sustained — worse, even, than my most embarrassing ski-vacation-injuries. Including the time I skied into a tree and got my head stuck between the trunk and one of the branches, and then started breaking out into a rash from the pine needles while my family snapped photos and laughed [...]


"We're in the Antarctica right now."

Here is the tale of the race to the South Pole that happened 100 years ago this month. You can't even blame these folks for ripping off "Drunk History" because they made this thing in Antarctica because they live in Antarctica. Can you imagine how bored you must get? (May I suggest new chapters of "Trapped in the Closet" next?) "Now fast forward, and it's not that fast of a forward" is definitely going into my storytelling phrase bag. [Thanks, Shayla!]


RIP, Sweet Riesling

It's not only OK now to for you to admit you love gross sweet Riesling, but if you don't start buying tons of it, it's going away forever. (Don't let the door hit you in the ass, disgusting, cheap tasting, opposite-of-delicious, sweet Riesling!)


Tattooed People: More or Less Fun?

Either researchers have found that people with tattoos drink more than people without tattoos OR people with tattoos have to be drunk before they agree to participate in studies as opposed to tattoo-less people who get the tiniest buzz going and suddenly they're blowing into every breathalyzer they meet? (The study does not ask the most important question, however: what kind of tattoos are we talking about?)


Women Struggling to Drink Water


The Rules of Oktoberfest

The most wonderful time of the year is upon us here in Germany: Oktoberfest, which in spite of its name actually starts in the middle of September, and is tragically already halfway over.

If you're in the U.S., there are plenty of Oktoberfest celebrations all around, and I hear that the Kitchener-Waterloo Oktoberfest in Canada is something to behold, but I humbly submit that if you haven't seen the real deal in Munich, you ain't seen nothin'.

Here's the part that wasn't clear to me before I went to Oktoberfest for the first time in 2006: It isn't just 14 giant beer tents and all the placemat-sized pretzels you can [...]