Posts Tagged: david rees

The Art of Sharpening Pencils

"Me starting my pencil sharpening business over the last two years coincided with the end of my marriage. And the book, in a way, is kind of like a memoir of the last two years of my life, disguised as a pencil sharpening manual. I know that sounds super-pretentious and ambitious, but it’s in there in terms of references and throwaway lines." —David "Relationshapes" Rees wrote a book about pencil-sharpening that's very charming, and which you can buy here, if you'd like. (See also: previously and elsewhere.) Hard to believe it's been almost a year since that last Relationshape.



The shadows are growing longer. Soon we’ll be plunged into darkness. This is the penultimate installment of Relationshapes!

Don your mourning veil, pour yourself a glass of the bitterest absinthe, put on some dystopian doom metal, and ENJOY.



I don’t know if it’s raining where you’re reading this, but it’s raining where I’m writing it. My little house in the woods is damp and drafty and there’s some newfangled kind of mold sprouting up in the basement. (Phone sigh.)

No matter: I will steel my nerves, screw on a smile, and drop a ton of fun on you! Welcome back to Relationshapes, a.k.a. “Sunshine In A Frame.”



If last week’s news was all about gas prices, this week’s news is all about the wedding of King William and his girlfriend — the royal wedding!

I’m happy to say that the British Parliament (in accordance with Her Majesty’s wishes) has commissioned me to create a special “Royal” edition of Relationshapes! These images are officially licensed with the Seal Of The Crown and are free to be used by all citizens of England (except orphans).


Morning Gathering

A few things to start the day. (And seeing if this format fits.) The Hood Internet's Whitney/Chromeo mashup, "When the Night Knows"; Venus photoshopped thinner; the woolly mammoth caught on tape that's actually a bear with a fish in its mouth is now a woolly mammoth again with the power to disappear (why is no one else riveted by this?); the rerelease of ghost-story game Dear Esther; and outfits that transition from winter to spring.

Plus, above is David "Relationshapes" Rees, demonstrating his artisanal pencil-sharpening (shapening?) expertise in Brooklyn. Did you know he has a new book out? It's called How to [...]



Like sands through the hourglass . . . so are the days of our Relationshapes. Slip into your loosest bra, pour yourself a glass of prosecco, run your fingers through your hair, and enjoy!

Actually, we only have three weeks left so we’d better get right to it:



Hey gals, what have you been up to this week? Did you eat dinner at a fancy restaurant? Did you splurge and buy that new dress with the shiny pockets? What about taking a trip on a lover’s sailboat, or indulging in a full-body scrub with a bonus facial scrub at “Le Zing,” the hottest salon? Did you do any of those things?

Or what about the nicest treat of all: reading a new edition of Relationshapes??? Yeah, you did that. That’s why you’re a queen.



This is the final installment of Relationshapes. Don’t pour yourself a drink; don’t slip into something comfortable. Just take a deep breath and remember this moment.



Come closer. I need to tell you something, but I don’t want everyone on the internet to hear: There are only four installments of Relationshapes left. (PAUSE FOR YOU TO SCREAM IN ANGUISH.) We need to take the most of our limited time left together — meet me under the stone archway at the edge of Website Village and I’ll sing you a song.

And now, on with the show!



The tears, the jeers; the laughs, the gaffes. The highs and lows of life. They’re all here: inside the gilded frames of Relationshapes — the only comic represented exclusively by Sotheby’s Auction House.

So roll a fat marijuana joint, rub lotion on your feet, put on your wispiest negligee, lean back, and … enjoy!