And you must see to it that your sister invites Mr. Bingley, Lizzie He isn’t here, Mother Isn’t here? he must be here the ball is in seven days and if he is not here then how will we convince our Mr. Darcy to attend? Mr. Darcy is not here either no? but I thought he was in London for business and would return in time for the ball No he is not in London he is on a ship he is going to war but this is terrible news There is an actual war on right now against Napoleon how could this have happened?? He was commissioned months ago [...]
I got a new phone after losing mine on New Year's last year, and these are the last lines of every conversation I have saved in it.
Got my phonenumbeeeeer back!
What time you leaving? Quick drink before?
Great, thanks, it may be easier to just order some new pants though.
Up to anything?
Awwwww. Leaving in 5
Ok. See you soon.
ok we're home!
sounds good xoxox!
It was nice to meet you, thanks.
I was at that last week hope work schedule lets me go again
Def, have a [...]
MESSAGE "you look like russell brand hahaha"
REVISION The first thing people usually notice about me: It’s a three-way tie between my voluminous hair, my megawatt smile, and the fact that when people look into my eyes they think, “She has a knife in her sock.”
MESSAGE "hey wuss up gorgeous jus to let u know im the best lookin guy in the world"
REVISION I spend a lot of time thinking about: Whether I can find the world’s best looking guy not by looking at thousands of guys, but instead by waiting to encounter a handsome, male man expert online.
MESSAGE "The weather today is nearly ideal, in [...]
Texting can be like a reverse Brigadoon, with people emerging from and disappearing into the fog. Sometimes my phone registers an incoming text on duplicate: Hey! Hey! But sort of like email threads where you can now tell — whoa! you've spent 17 emails just figuring out which movie to see with your friend! — text logs can be eerily distilling things. Have you really not texted that friend since 2010? Sometimes you notice how someone replies almost entirely with the same text (I have a correspondence consisting almost entirely of "amazing"s and smileyfaces). But nothing is quite so haunting as being on either side of a one-way conversation. I'm [...]
2:30 a.m. Him: I find myself still attracted to you but I’m glad I was able to come talk to you tonight. R: Well I’ll always have a little crush on you too, but I’m glad we could talk and that you’re happy. Him: If I’m honest I don’t know if I would have had the resolve to say no if the attempt had been made to take things further.
9:20 a.m. Him: But you can do way better.
K: Hahahahaha wow I am going to slay the whole solar system. R: We seriously never have a punching bag around here, anywhere. K: I can’t [...]
Day 1 hello hi hello oh oh hi there has to be someone here there really just has to be i dont want it just to be me here hello? oh oh i dont want it to just be me
Day 19 well this happens to be a phone I couldn’t really say about the others so nobody knows then I didn’t say that Some of them don’t wind up here or some of them do but not all of them or not for very long I can’t make you any promises you won’t end up in a cactus for a time or a cursed and collapsing star or a [...]
Dulcinea DULCINEA BESTIR YOURSELF dragons - dragons everywhere -
where are there dragons? where are you?
I am beset by dragons, my love! there has been perfidy in this strange land of iron islands and wraiths that drape themselves in steam
are you in the kitchen?
no kitchen could produce a bellow so terrifying nor a stench so foul as that of these steel dragons
nellie nellie why didnt u come to the hedge today to the lessons hedge )for lessons) I'm sorry, Miss Parkington I wasn't able to get away in time and i was going to teach you more lessons is this about my birthday party are u mad at me no – Samantha - because i told you its not that youre not my friend you are my friend I'm glad to be your friend u are just more of my FACTORY friend and not really my "birthday party" friend I understand guess how many kinds of ice cream we had I don't know haha there are only three kinds of ice [...]
MEG MEG MEG WHAT’S ALL THIS WHAT’S ALL THIS I’M HEARING ABOUT YOUR GETTING MARRIED tell me it’s a wretched lie Jo I don’t know how many more times we have to have this conversation I’ll have it a THOUSAND TIMES if I must but yes I am still marrying John tomorrow OH GREAT TRIPLE-HORNED GOD just like I was planning to yesterday this is unbearable and also last month answer me this, then who exactly do you think is going to play Mercy when we put on my version of The Pilgrim’s Progress this summer? I wrote that part for YOU wrote it beautifully in fact I don’t know, [...]