Posts Tagged: correspondence
92

A Letter to Everyone I Know Regarding RuPaul's Drag Race GIFs

Dearest friends, family members, aquaintances, lovers, colleagues, and trusted confidants,

I come to you today to discuss an important matter in my life that you will need to be aware of for our relationship to continue. I have decided that moving forward I will communicate solely via animated GIF images from Season 5 of RuPaul's Drag Race. Simple words do not convey the nuance and emotion that can be encapsulated in a RuPaul's Drag Race GIF. Why am I even typing words right now?

In order to ease you, my loved one or potential communicator, into the process, I'm going to walk you through a few scenarios. See if you [...]

65

Video Game Valentines

77

Reading Between the Texts: The Best/Worst Texts We Got This Year

The Texts

2:30 a.m. Him: I find myself still attracted to you but I’m glad I was able to come talk to you tonight. R: Well I’ll always have a little crush on you too, but I’m glad we could talk and that you’re happy. Him: If I’m honest I don’t know if I would have had the resolve to say no if the attempt had been made to take things further.

9:20 a.m. Him: But you can do way better.

The Analysis

K: Hahahahaha wow I am going to slay the whole solar system. R: We seriously never have a punching bag around here, anywhere. K: I can’t [...]

101

The Ghosting of Ghost

Day 1 hello hi hello oh  oh hi there has to be someone here  there really just has to be i dont want it just to be me here  hello? oh oh i dont want it to just be me

Day 19 well this happens to be a phone I couldn’t really say about the others so nobody knows then  I didn’t say that Some of them don’t wind up here or some of them do but not all of them or not for very long I can’t make you any promises you won’t end up in a cactus for a time or a cursed and collapsing star or a [...]

73

Jennnnnniferrrrrr-ahhh!

Jen Doll addresses textual elongaaation. JennnnnnnnnnnnNNNNNNN!!!!

45

Texts From Don Quixote

Dulcinea DULCINEA BESTIR YOURSELF dragons - dragons everywhere -

where are there dragons? where are you? 

I am beset by dragons, my love! there has been perfidy in this strange land of iron islands and wraiths that drape themselves in steam

are you in the kitchen?

no kitchen could produce a bellow so terrifying nor a stench so foul as that of these steel dragons 

135

Texts From the American Girls

nellie  nellie why didnt u come to the hedge today to the lessons hedge )for lessons) I'm sorry, Miss Parkington I wasn't able to get away in time and i was going to teach you more lessons  is this about my birthday party  are u mad at me no – Samantha - because i told you  its not that youre not my friend  you are my friend  I'm glad to be your friend u are just more of my FACTORY friend  and not really  my "birthday party" friend I understand guess how many kinds of ice cream we had  I don't know haha there are only three kinds of ice [...]

233

Texts From Pride and Prejudice

And you must see to it that your sister invites Mr. Bingley, Lizzie  He isn’t here, Mother Isn’t here?  he must be here the ball is in seven days and if he is not here then how will we convince our Mr. Darcy to attend? Mr. Darcy is not here either no? but I thought he was in London for business and would return in time for the ball No he is not in London he is on a ship he is going to war but this is terrible news  There is an actual war on right now against Napoleon how could this have happened?? He was commissioned months ago [...]

71

Texticles

I got a new phone after losing mine on New Year's last year, and these are the last lines of every conversation I have saved in it.

1/12

Got my phonenumbeeeeer back!

What time you leaving? Quick drink before?

Great, thanks, it may be easier to just order some new pants though.

2/12

Totally

3/12

Sounds Great

Up to anything?

Awwwww. Leaving in 5

4/12

Ok. See you soon.

400 dollars

5/12

ok we're home!

6/12

sounds good xoxox!

7/12

Xooooooo

Got it

Aw ok

8/12

It was nice to meet you, thanks.

I was at that last week hope work schedule lets me go again

Great

Def, have a [...]

196

Five OkCupid Messages That Made Me Want to Revise My Profile

MESSAGE "you look like russell brand hahaha"

REVISION  The first thing people usually notice about me: It’s a three-way tie between my voluminous hair, my megawatt smile, and the fact that when people look into my eyes they think, “She has a knife in her sock.”

MESSAGE "hey wuss up gorgeous jus to let u know im the best lookin guy in the world"

REVISION I spend a lot of time thinking about: Whether I can find the world’s best looking guy not by looking at thousands of guys, but instead by waiting to encounter a handsome, male man expert online.

MESSAGE "The weather today is nearly ideal, in [...]