Posts Tagged: college!
23

The Best (and Worst and Last) Time I Went To a Sorority Party

In the fall of 1997 I arrived to New York University as a college freshman with two priorities. The first: to waste my parents’ money on a theater education. The second: to get drunk.

I accomplished both my goals, although in different ways and for different lengths of time. Which is to say: I wasted that money over the span of four years, but got drunk only once.

•••I never had an alcoholic drink all throughout high school, and that was owed to both (a) a lack of social invitations, and (b) a fear of projectile vomit. While there was an extent to which this disappointed me about myself, there [...]

71

I Am So Sorry You Probably Didn't Have An Orgasm That Time We Hooked Up

Oh no! I read this article on the New York Times about how you didn’t have an orgasm when we hooked up. That sucks! I’m so sorry. I had no idea. I know I shot out of your apartment like a superball out of a tailpipe. But I was pretty sure I had pleased the pants right off of you. I mean, your pants were still on. But still. This is worse than that time I crapped my pants at Lollapalooza. I am so embarrassed!

This is all according to the New York Times, of course, and who knows more about sex than them? According to the Times, women are [...]

23

My Late Adolescent Poetry, Translated Into Plain English

“The List Poem”

Avenue A, Tompkins Square Park, The Bowery, Ludlow Street These are places in New York Where I hung out over winter break. I hope some guy in poetry class Reading this, Thinks I’m cool, And asks me out for coffee.

Hefeweizen, Beaujolais, grappa, kir I am underage yet I can still list drinks! How sophisticated is that? Particularly for someone who hangs out on Ludlow street. Foreign words do sound nifty When italicized in a poem, And these are the only foreign words I can think of Naturally, because I am drunk.

•••“The Greek Myth Reimagined Poem” Demeter’s daughter Persephone was abducted by the monarch of Hell [...]

48

ERMAHGERD, More College Admissions Essay Prompts

This week, Tufts University released their supplemental essay questions, one of which asked students to contemplate, "What does #YOLO mean to you?" Here are some of the other essays Tufts considered asking students.

• Sometimes life presents challenges, and you are not always able to obtain what you want, when you want it. Discuss a time when you have been told you cannot haz something, and explain how this impacted your viewpoint of how important it is to haz things, in general.

• It’s Friday. Which of your mediocre talents are you going to post to the internet this weekend, and why?

• A great American writer once said, [...]

6

I'm Majoring in Beyoncé

From the AP:

The Department of Women's and Gender Studies at Rutgers University is offering a course called "Politicizing Beyonce."

Kevin Allred, a doctoral student who is teaching the class, tells the university's online news site that he is using Beyonce's career as a way to explore American race, gender and sexual politics.

Let us use this momentous occasion as an excuse to revisit "Beyoncé Songs Re-Imagined as Undergraduate Theses in Women’s and Gender Studies."

11

"I Collected My Offensive Hat and Prepared to Leave"

"In the morning, it was drizzling. We were both hung-over. I collected my offensive hat, put on my dirty underwear, and prepared to leave. He walked me out and decided to get coffee. The temperature had dropped at least ten degrees, making my T-shirt unsuitable for the sudden chill. I had no umbrella. Ten steps from his door, we ran into a pretty woman and her friends. He introduced me. It was his ex-girlfriend. She was showered, well-dressed, older than me, and bolstered by her friends. I wanted to die. We parted ways, and I was pretty sure that I would never see him again.

Fifteen years later, we are [...]

31

An Open Letter to Omar al-Bashir, President of Sudan

This month, thousands of college students attended "activity fairs" and found groups that moved them. What will they learn? How many lives will they save? Here, a primer on the experience.

Dear Omar al-Bashir, President of Sudan:

You timed your genocide impeccably. When the world first noticed, I was 18 years old, a college freshman who needed extracurricular activities. I lived in a dorm with too many bros, and because I wanted to avoid Super Bowl Sunday, I jumped when a poster offered me a weekend getaway: a stricken African, beckoning me to D.C.'s Holocaust Museum. We'd stop genocide at the conference!

Seven conferences later, you had not relented. And [...]

1

Mindy Kaling's College Comic Strip

Someone said recently that the existence of the internet is a good reason to never write for a college newspaper, because your overly earnest album reviews and breathless op-eds about campus recycling won't just disappear when you enter the Real World, but Mindy Kaling's "Badly Drawn Girl"—her comic strip from her Dartmouth days—has somehow, against all odds, aged well? They're all collected here. [Badly Drawn Girl]

Oh, and over here we have the latest strip from Hairpin contributor Sara Lautman, which will resonate if you ever drove around stoned in [...]

76

A Revenge Scenario For Student Loan Borrowers

Years ago, a troubled co-op board in Harlem rented me an apartment that was uninhabitable.

I wrote a few letters, stopped people in the laundry room, and tried to bargain kindly, until finally I went downtown to a courthouse. The woman who spoke to me was harried and tired. She asked three questions before concluding I had no rights in the matter. She shouted, “Next!”

Out of frustration, not willfulness, I stayed put. I kept talking. My eyes began to tear, then brim, like some damsel crashing a wedding with a gun.

“Oh, for Christ’s sake,” the woman sighed. “You wanna know what to do? I’ll tell you what to [...]

19

If This House Could Write a Book, If This Book Could Build a House…

Matt Pericoli, a creative writing professor, teaches a course called the "Laboratory of Literary Architecture," which includes an assignment to "physically build the literary architecture of a text." The Times excerpted from his students' work last week, and the results are fascinating. Here's Pericoli describing the project:

Each student brings to class a novel, a short story or an essay whose inner workings he or she knows intimately. We start with the plot, the subject or simply a feeling that the student has about the text. We break the piece of writing down into its most basic elements and analyze the relationship of each part to the overall [...]