Posts Tagged: chickens
16

The Best Time I Lubricated My Chicken's Vagina-Butt

About six months ago, my husband and I decided we hadn't become insufferable enough. Sure, we had abandoned the east coast to find ourselves in Tucson, Arizona. We were living in an adobe house, taking daily shots of apple cider vinegar, and attending yoga workshops featuring the progress mantra music of Blue Spirit Wheel. When a coworker mentioned she needed to find a home for her four chickens, we thought our next logical step was urban chicken farming.

We have a love-hate relationship with our chickens. To put it bluntly, our chickens—Miley, Joan, Denise, and Kanya—are assholes. They have destroyed our backyard, their disgusting fly-magnet poops are everywhere, and they [...]

62

"Grizzly Man" is on Netflix Instant

Why do people bother writing lengthy profiles of anyone who isn't Werner Herzog?

Although his films take place everywhere (Germany, the United States, South America, Africa, Southeast Asia, Australia, the Middle East) and are about everything (adventure, courage, madness, failure, death, time, space travel, nature’s indifference), his imagistic obsessions (auctioneers, flight, monkeys, chickens, ski jumpers, dwarves, bears, boats, wind, roosters, midgets, mountains, windmills, hens) reappear again and again. Herzog’s work is marinated in cross-reference: more than one of his films features an enchanted waterfall, others turn upon ghostly visions of jellyfish, several characters wear nearly identical aviator goggles, other characters’ names recur, dialogue is often resuscitated from film [...]

8

Chicken From Hell!!!!! Now Known as "Anzu Wyliei"

The Chicken From Hell, the "birdlike dinosaur" that was some 7 feet tall that weighed around 500 pounds, now has a scientific name:

The creature was formally introduced to the scientific community Wednesday as scientists published a description and analysis of its anatomy, and finally bestowed a name: Anzu wyliei. The moniker comes from a mythological feathered demon plus the name of a Carnegie museum trustee's grandson.

[...]

The dinosaur lived some 66 million to 68 million years ago in a hot and humid landscape, rather like the Louisiana bayou, he said. It ate plants and maybe small animals when it wasn't fleeing from a hungry and much bigger T. [...]

4

How Will the Chickens Ever Repay Us?

If you thought the life of a caged chicken was maybe getting a little too cushy, don't worry — it turns out they actually feel empathy for one another, meaning that when they see their friends and family hobbling around on disgustingly broken bones or undergoing upsetting "husbandry practices," they get stressed out as well.

And if it turns out the afterlife is an eternity of being roasted in a giant oven and having our babies eaten in front of us, we at least can't be surprised. "Shit, I did actually see this coming." "Ahh, me too."

15

"Could it be chickens? Could it be pigs? I don’t know."

A total of six people have now died of H7N9, the newest is-it-or-isn't-it-actually-terrifying acronym we more commonly refer to as "Bird Flu." Though 20,000 chickens have been killed as a precaution, the source of the strain isn't yet known. "Could it be chickens? Could it be Pigs? I don't know," a CDC official told The Washington Post. "Clearly, if there is evidence that the virus spread from human to human, that becomes a game-changing event,” he added. Whether or not it spreads from Gwyneth to human has not been addressed.

Well, as Ralph Macchio said in My Cousin Vinny, "There's nothing to worry about 'til there's something to worry [...]