Posts Tagged: chiara atik
250

The Ministry for Boyfriend Review

The Ministry for Boyfriend Review, first established on the sly by an anonymous suffragette in 1918, has spent 94 years serving tirelessly in the field of boyfriend management and evaluation. Until now, the Ministry’s process was rigid and secret: the concerned and curious best friends of women who date (questionable) men would hear of our services through a network of female acquaintances. These upstanding best friends, who always know what’s best but are practically never listened to anyway, would send file folders of damning evidence (photographs, receipts from the couples’ dates out, testimonials from friends and witnesses) to the Ministry for evaluation. Officials would then examine the evidence, judging [...]

77

Dream Job: Daily Mail Subhead Writer

106

The Facebook Purity Test

For every question you answer “Yes” subtract one point from 100. The remainder is your Facebook Purity.

  1. Do you have a Facebook account?
  2. Did you join in 2004-2005?
  3. Do you remember being annoyed when Facebook started allowing high school students?
  4. Click on your profile picture to see all your old profile pictures. Are there more than 20 of them?
  5. More than 40 profile pictures?
  6. 60?!
  7. Do you have more than 1,000 friends?
  8. Have you ever compared your friend count to someone else’s?
  9. Do you “Friend” people immediately after meeting them, even if you’re unlikely to ever meet again?
  10. Do you accept Friend Requests from anyone who has “mutual [...]
43

Netflix Instant for Every Situation

Movies for When You Need Motivation to Finish That Screenplay, Because Hollywood Is Clearly Running Out of Ideas Jackass 2.5 The Gods Must Be Crazy 2 Caddyshack 2 Bring It on Again Titanic 2

Movies to Watch Right Now While You Can Blame Your Tears on Allergies The Bicycle Thief Young@Heart Up Radio Flyer War Dance

Movies for People Who Want to Watch People Fall in Love In Paris Before Sunset 2 Days in Paris Forget Paris I Do! Moulin Rouge

Movies for People Who Want to Watch Others Get Murdered and Be Depressed in Paris Last Tango in Paris Leon? From Paris, With Love The 400 Blows La [...]

36

Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand Drinks That We Drank

Single and looking to find a date: Whiskey, neat.

Single, and looking to hook up with someone, anyone: Long Island Ice Tea.

First date: A Martini, straight up and dirty.

Second date: Red wine, with dinner. (A Merlot, or a Pinot Noir.) …

Hairpin pal Chiara Atik tells the cyclical story of love and loss in units of alcohol, with a notable omission.

261

Smoking: The Pros and Cons (Excluding All Health Risks)

I’ve never smoked a cigarette, not even a puff. Perhaps because of this, I’ve spent my life monitoring both my smoking and non-smoking friends, keeping a tally of which side seems to have better lives. I wonder, if smoking weren’t detrimental to health, would I pick up a cigarette? There are pros and cons.

Pro: Looking cool. It doesn’t matter what you were taught in school: Smoking is cool. If it wasn’t, no one would do it, especially not after seeing Debbie.

Con: Having to stand outside in the winter, cold and shivering, huddled over a cigarette, just to smoke.

Pro: Having a ready excuse to walk away [...]

419

What Your American Girl Doll Says About the Rest of Your Life

Samantha Parkington: Did you know, when you picked her out, that Samantha was the cool one? Or were you simply drawn to her glossy brown hair, sophisticated accessories (she had a fur muff!) and rich demographic? Either way, every girl wanted a Samantha. If you owned her, you quickly learned the value of cachet.

By virtue of acquiring a status symbol early on (a Samantha doll was the designer jeans of third grade), you never quite had to worry about things the way other girls did. You therefore grew up to be confidant, capable, and nonplussed. You've always been well liked. You aren’t the funniest in your group, but you’ve [...]