Posts Tagged: chelsea upton
15

How I Became an Adult Backstreet Boys Fan

"Sorry, we went with another candidate."

I briefly considered putting this on my tombstone, but then I realized the better idea would be to get cremated and have a trusted friend blow my ashes into the eyes of job fair recruiters. If I were to die this instant, that is. You don't want to hire me? Too late, I fired myself from being alive.

"You'll get something,” my mom assures me. "How is your writing going?"

***

I spend all my extra money on a video player for the TV. It's small and compact enough that I could probably lose it if it didn't have wires attached. I [...]

7

Ladies' Night

A comprehensive guide to my next Ladies' Night with my friend Caroline.

1. Watch Blackfish again. Discuss: Does SeaWorld know how much we know? That, in seeing Blackfish multiple times, our spirits have birthed themselves into angry, vengeful orcas? Does SeaWorld know what is coming? Is SeaWorld afraid?

2. Arts and crafts. We can construct papier-mâché wings and I will call myself Lucifer (The #TBT version).

3. At-home bar. This is where we pretend that we are at the bar but it's really me pouring your beer for you and forcefully coughing until you give me a dollar tip.

4. Actual bar. This is where we're really at a bar [...]