Posts Tagged: cars
12

Rigs to Drive to High School From 1996-2000, Ranked

13.) THE FORD RANCHERO YOUR DAD BOUGHT FROM AN AD IN THE MONEYSAVER, BLUE

12.) YOUR GRANDPARENT’S OLDSMOBILE, MAROON

11.) YOUR MOM’S ASTRO VAN, GREY

150

29 Recreational Wheeled Vehicles, by Sexiness

29. Segway 28. Roller blades 27. Roller skates 26. Scooter 25. Unicycle 24. Motorized bicycle 23. Small police dolly 22. ATV 21. Minivan 20. RV 19. Tricycle 18. Skateboard 17. Golf cart 16. Amphibious car 15. Bus

16

The Best Thing I Drove This Year

I’ll be the first to admit it: I got upsold. The Hertz folks gamed me good, rolling me up into a Camaro for an extra $12 a day. I couldn’t afford not to do it.

Besides, I was in Las Vegas — immediately leaving it, in fact — to drive to a friend’s wedding in Zion National Park. There’s something about being a single man, alone, driving through the desert in an American muscle car that appeals to every Hunter S. Thompson-esque fantasy about debauchery and excess, and wide open spaces and scary, winged half-bat-like creatures attacking you as you zoom past the red rocks.

This being a new [...]

15

David Byrne and St. Vincent, "Who"

If you want more visual proof of Annie Clark and David Byrne's collaboration album Love This Giant (which is streaming in full on NPR this week, and will be released on September 11) beyond its bony-faced cover artwork, here's their darkly adorable "Who" video.

7

Welcome to Subaru Roadside Assistance & Empowerment

Thank you for calling Subaru roadside assistance and empowerment. This call may be monitored for quality assurance.

Before we start, we’d like to ask you a few questions so that we can provide you with better service. If this is a life-threatening emergency, or if you have tickets to a WNBA game that starts in fewer than 30 minutes, please hang up and dial 911.

—Let’s begin.

We have identified you using your phone number. According to our records, your Preferred Gender Pronoun is

SHE

Is that still accurate?

—Great. We have located you using your phone’s GPS. Please be aware, wait times may vary depending on your proximity to [...]

16

But the BlackBerry Pearl of Travel Trailers?

"The iPhone of travel trailers" will cost $100,000. Reserve yours today.

20

A Halloween-ish Short Story

It was a dark and stormy night, and Dan and Carol were on their way home from a party for Dan's work.

"Don't the wipers go up higher?" Carol asked, squinting as she leaned toward the windshield.

"Yeah, they go up a lot higher, but I'm keeping them low because I hate to see the road," Dan said.

"Oh, good," she said, "I wasn't sure but I just wanted to—" the car screeched, and then ground slowly to a stop. "Oh my god, are we out of gas?"

Dan put his head against the steering wheel. "Shit."

Carol shook her head and looked out the window. (Also, their phones were [...]

34

5 Conversations Resulting From the Scene In The Counselor Involving Cameron Diaz's Vagina

1.

“Oh great. Now Cameron Diaz's vagina is going to be all over the internet.”

“What? They didn’t show it.”

“Oh, OK. I had this idea that you actually saw it, pressed against the windshield.”

“No. My God. Of course not. What are you, a moron?”

"OK, I don’t know! You said: 'There's a scene where Cameron Diaz rubs her vagina up against a car windshield,'  so I just assumed you actually saw it.”

“The movie would be X-rated. When have you ever seen an X-rated movie?”

“OK, forget it! Jesus."

 

2.

“Cormac McCarthy is so sexist.”

“Why?”

“Are you serious?”

“I just don’t know why that [...]

113

L1CENSE PL8

There’s a scene in Sex and the City when Carrie and her soon-to-be boyfriend are walking along Central Park, chatting and flirting the way you do on Sex and the City. Suddenly, he bends down to pick up a stray playing card on the curb. She looks at him quizzically, in that exaggerated, "I’m a New Yorker! No shocking sexual secret will surprise me!” way those Sex and the City girls have:

Soon-to-Be-Boyfriend: I collect found playing cards. They're all over the city. Carrie: I never noticed. Soon-to-Be-Boyfriend: You will now, that's the thing. I'm hoping to get a full deck. Insert the obvious joke here.

I remember watching it [...]

131

A Text Dialogue With a Twist

The background: a few months ago, I borrowed a friend's car to make a short trip and was, within minutes, in a car accident. (Ugh.) Both cars were rendered undriveable. The man with whom I collided texted me a couple of days later. The following is what ensued.