Posts Tagged: astrology
18

What Would Susan Miller Say? My Octocalypse Journal

For months, famed free astrologist and amateur soothsayer Susan Miller had been warning in her horoscopes that October would bring Hard Times, because Mercury would enter retrograde.

I know. A free Internet astrologist? One with a website that appeared to have survived the fall of Netscape Navigator, the Dot Com bubble, Web 2.0 over-engineering, and the Great Recession fallout entirely unchanged? Pointing to AstrologyZone.com is analogous to the gang in Scooby Doo! entering a witchdoctor’s house looking for clues—you kind of already know what kind of nonsense you’re getting yourself into. But her mysticism—broad, careful wording, a firm grasp of generational vanity and provincial foibles—isn’t about specifics.

Really, [...]

36

Susan Miller's Guide to October: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Good news for everyone in September! October will be difficult for us all so get things done immediately–signed sealed and delivered.

— Astrology Zone (@astrologyzone) August 28, 2013

Celebrity astrologist Susan Miller's October report is delayed, and her often eerily accurate website is down, and this is something of a reason to panic, according to a friend I trust on the matter: October, Susan Miller has been warning Twitter for months, will be hell. For everyone. Mercury is in retrograde after October 21, we're told, but really no time this month is safe [...]

13

How Did I Get Here [to This Weird Astrology Site]?

Do you ever find yourself somewhere strange on the internet, and you can't remember what led you there until hours later you circle back to an article you'd opened what seems like days ago, and rereading the sentence you left off at makes the pieces fall sadly back together? Or: It's amazing how quickly I can read "She was Scorpio skinny; I’m Cancerian round" and Google "astrology physical traits" to be wading through sites like this, this, this, and, this, which all feel a little like the lost souls in Ursula's cave. And I couldn't find anything good anyway.

5

It May Not Matter What Astrological Sign You Are

Information Is Beautiful put together this visual of the most common words found in horoscopes, using 22,186 horoscopes from Yahoo's Shine blog. So even though your sign may have recently changed, no matter. But, um, is this accurate? Or are we just witnessing a horoscope writer getting stuck in a writer's block rut all across the night sky? Well, there are more charts over at the blog, which elaborate things further. They include a list of unique words found in each sign's horoscopes. Glad to see mine (Pisces) have both "emotional" and "happy" in them. It would be hard to choose just one.

32

Out With the October, In With the New Susan Miller Forecast

November is a very good month, and compared to October, it's another country! Mercury will be retro until Dec 10, but then free + clear!

— Astrology Zone (@astrologyzone) November 1, 2013

We made it. October was really sort of a rough one, wasn't it? But now, new month, new us, and my Susan Miller is looking really promising. This month I'm going to be "smarter, leaner, tougher, and more able than ever to cope with anything life tosses my way" (doubtlessly she refers to Movember and NaNoWriMo, which both represent long-standing, overly personal trials to my soul); also, Jupiter's going to be "swirling pixie dust here, [...]

32

Horoscope Is Life

Vintage romance comic book treasure trove / secret garden / haunted mansion / invisible crypt Sequential Crush outdoes itself today with the 1970 story "Horoscope Don't Fool With My Heart," in which the gloriously haired Ginny relies on her astrology books a little too much — or does she???

Plus there's another story at the end, and it is amazing.

79

Things Bethea Has Offered Me Recently

At some point while signing up for a website that needed proof I was over 21, I entered my birthday as a random day in the 1920s. It was my great good luck that the website then gave my contact information to a woman named Bethea.

November 15 The Precious Seven Princely Frogs of Luck Bracelet, 5 installments of $24.95 Dear EDITH, If you're like me, you probably grew up hearing the lovely tale about a pretty princess who kissed a frog. Upon receiving the kiss of the princess, the frog turned into a handsome prince and they lived happily ever after in a life of royal luxury. [...]

14

If We Survive October We Can Have a Doomsday Sleepover Party in 2014

"[October] wasn’t, like, tragic. You just had to be careful. People are through the worst now, but late December is worse than October. I don’t know how I’m going to write about this, because I love the holidays. I’m worried about New Year’s Eve. I’m afraid that companies will cut back, people will lose their jobs, couples will fight because they don’t have enough money, people will drink more because of difficulties they're facing…I want everyone to stay home that night and have a few friends over and even buy some air mattresses. It will be fun, like a sleepover."

-There are just 13 days remaining in astrologist [...]

187

The Fault in Her Stars

You know that New York magazine profile of Susan Miller, the wildly-popular doyenne of AstrologyZone?

Last week, the French fashion blogger Garance Doré posted about how long it takes to become “a true New York alien” — two years to eat like one, four years to start referring to dogs as children, and just one to lose all sense of astrology as a stigmatizing hobby. “What’s shameful is to not respect people who believe in horoscopes,” Doré wrote. “It’s totally weird if someone doesn’t know his rising sign.” Today’s New York is full of people who will tell you that they never expected to believe in astrology [...]

14

The Planets Are Trying to Tell Us Something

"During this month of May, four bright planets will engage in a fascinating dance with each other in the morning sky. Mercury, Venus, Mars and Jupiter will be involved in a series of conjunctions, joined at the end of the month by a very thin, waning crescent moon. We could even refer to this as a 'celestial summit meeting,' or more precisely, a series of summit meetings during May 2011. Twice during May three planets will converge to form a 'trio.'" —Mercury, Venus, and Jupiter are having their threesome on May 11 (tomorrow); and then Mercury, Venus, and Mars are having theirs on May 21. What will they do? [...]