Posts Tagged: ask a queer chick
9

Logan Echolls Syndrome, Cohabitation Power Politics, and The Girlfriend Label

Can you explain me to me? I am very difficult to please when it comes to women. I'm hardly attracted to anyone, ever, and then when I finally do find someone ludicrously attractive, they're always borderline psychopathic. This isn't even a joke. After a year and a half of being with my last girlfriend, she vanished away and I found out she'd given me a fake name. The one before that was an alcoholic who stole from my handbag, trashed my house on a regular basis and would be brought home by the police approximately twice a month (that relationship lasted three years, woohoo!). Really, I'm talking about sociopaths here. [...]

16

Coming Out Late In the Game, Embracing the Inner Bridezilla, and Recharging Your Libido

I'm in recovery from a year and a half of sleeping with someone who manipulated me into doing things I wasn't comfortable with, told me I was worthless, decided he didn't want to be exclusive (I didn't either) but deserved to know in explicit detail about any hookups I had, and didn't listen when I said no about anything ever. So he was bad for me, and I said goodbye four months ago and haven't talked to him since.

So, he was a jerk, and also I was bad at communicating. He'd ask if I like something, and I'd say "not really," and he'd do it again and tell [...]

43

Boy-Crazy But Curious, Dating While Disabled, and Introducing Parents to Your "New Norm"

I've always identified, both to myself and to others, as straight. There were times when I thought about other girls as a young girl, but then read in some magazine or other that this was "totally normal! Just a passing crushphase!" and I brushed it off, as seems to have happened to some other readers.

The thing is, during my, uh, (oh dear this is quite personal) ALONE TIMES, the only thing which seems to pop into my head and turn me on is LADIES. But sort of in a older women younger girl, oh we're two girls at a sleepover and what's even happening sort of way. And then [...]

114

Recreational Flirting and Other People's LDRs

As a semi-closeted queer girl (as in, I'll tell people if they ask but don't go around covered in rainbows or anything, and it seems like "short hair, blazers, and DMs" reads as "fashiony" rather than "gaymo" at the moment), most of my friends who I don't meet through gay stuff start off assuming I'm straight. This is not a big deal; they tend to pick up after a while, but it does lead to some awkward situations. It's common among female friends my age to flirt, call each other sexy, cuddle and grope each other, make elaborate declarations of love or proposals of marriage, joke about having crushes on [...]

38

Coming-Out Technology, Exiting the Girlfriend Zone, and the Lesbro Conundrum

Hey! I'm a 20-year-old bi lady finding myself in a bit of a dilemma. Since I was 13, I've had at least some interest in women as well as men, but really only embraced the bisexual label last summer, when I went abroad and met a bunch of really cool queer people who helped me come to terms with it. Since then, I've come out to my immediate family and some of my friends from home, who've all been really supportive.

Since I've come back to school, though, I've been pretty conflicted about coming out. My best friends here are my all-female singing group, with whom I've spent most of [...]

88

Befriending Your Best Friend's Girlfriend and Resisting the "One True Sex Act"

I'm polyamorous, and live with my partner, and have a long distance relationship with someone I love dearly. I've been with my partner for almost three years, and we are in a very solid, happy place. My long-distance sweetie and I have had an intense Thing happening since this past April—so about five months, all of it online (we lived in the same town years ago, but have lived in different parts of the country for the last few years.)

Until this week, my sweetie had a primary relationship of their own. The breakup is, well, a breakup—messy, drama-ful, and rife with the mind-boggling emotional calculus of "had I only brought in [...]

88

Dating a Closeted Bi Guy, Discovering a Boob Fetish, and Sleeping With Twins

So there's this guy that I (a hetero, female college student) have been unofficially seeing for about two months, not exclusively. We recently had a conversation that could lead to this becoming a more serious relationship, but we're taking a break for the summer because we'll be in different places. Here's where this gets messy: a friend intimated to me, shortly after the aforementioned DTR convo, that this guy is, in fact, gay. He has or has had a profile on an online hookup site for the gay community, and has slept with other guys. I had absolutely no idea about any of this (yikes!), and I can't confirm that [...]

17

The Pubic Issue, Non-Monosexuality 101, and The Cool Gay Auntie

So… I need pubic hair advice. I've been considering sleeping with women, and in my imagining of it, there's a lot more oral sex than I've typically had with men. Which I'm totally down for, but I'm really turned off by the idea of such close encounters with hair around the labia on myself or my partner. In your experience, do most queer chicks shave/wax for this reason? Or is this an aversion I'll eventually get over if I decide I'm queer? This has weirdly been a big mental hurdle for me.

First of all, you should be aware that oral sex is not actually a requirement for girl-on-girl [...]

35

The Glittery Fountain In the Sky, Staying Closeted For Your Career, and Lesbian FOMO

I feel like, abruptly and without warning, my sexuality has changed from a basically heterosexual girl (with some twinges of attraction towards women), to a homosexual girl (with some twinges towards men). The 'Are you a lesbian?' videos and articles I've Googled have mentioned that some people are not born gay, but these seem to be uniformly written by born-gay folks. I'm really uncomfortable with this change and its abruptness, and have a few questions. Is sexuality changing a thing?

Xena was a childhood hero of mine, but I've always had crushes on boys (like, my vagina hummed for a week after I got into this boy in college), [...]

54

Lesbian Vocabulary, U-Hauls, and the Family That Comes Out Together

Just so you know, I'm straight. You're the best person to help me because I need to "come out" to my ultra-conservative, evangelical Christian family. I have not been involved in their religion in many years, but I was raised in it. Since becoming an adult and leaving the church, I have some family members who have become distant or cold, some who actively try to save me, and some who treat me like they always have. My entire extended family belongs to this religion.

Growing up in the church, I knew marriage meant that I would find a nice boy, settle down, and be a good submissive wife. Yuck. [...]