I'm 25 and recently started to own the fact that I'm bi. I’ve never dated a lady, but have really really wanted to push a few up against a wall and kiss them (with their consent, of course). The only people who know about those urges are a couple of dudes I’ve dated. One thought it was hilarious and liked to laugh at these delusions of my younger self (and we were together four years—hoo boy). Another helped me accept those feelings as legitimate. I’m really excited to explore the queerosphere but still figuring out how. Online dating? Hang around in the local lesbian ‘hood with a conversation-starting [...]
My girlfriend and I have been going through a rough patch lately. In fact, we were on the verge of breaking up, then we decided to stick it out, but then the zombie apocalypse broke loose and suddenly we both had a lot on our plate and not much energy left over to process and get our relationship back on track. I just found out that she was bitten by a zombie, but has been covering up the wound (which is about two days old and looks really nasty) while she tries to figure out a way to cure the virus. I feel betrayed by the fact that she [...]
My surface question is this: How common, really, is the sort of stereotypical "femme/butch" dynamic in female same-sex relationships?
My real question is this: How can I, as a relatively femme cisgender woman, meet other relatively femme cisgender women? This is not the only sub-population that I'm interested in, but it's probably the most compelling one to me. I tend to be kind of wary of "lipstick lesbian" groups, because the ones that I'm familiar with can be pretty exclusive ("bi/queer folks, trans*/genderqueer folks, and ugly folks need not apply!"). But it often seems that in the larger LGBTQ world, I run into two obstacles: First, my femininity does not signal [...]
I'm a college student about to be an RN and I work in a bar. It's difficult when men flirt with me—the regulars like me, but there's times where I've had bitter men say to other customers at the bar that my problem is that I don't like men and don't waste their time tipping me well. Femme queer-invisibility is a real thing in my workplace. I should be able to be an out lesbian at my future employment, but when working for so many people in a continuously changing environment, I almost wonder if I should just remain a "liar," stay closeted and just keep my distance from my [...]
I’m a queer man who’s just come out on the other side of a 5-year relationship (and being in my early 20's, that is a major chunk of my life) with a wonderful man whom I still very much care about, but it was time to move on and make choices for myself and be alone for a bit. We only officially broke up in the past week and a half, but I had been thinking about it and dealing with the possibility of the break up for a while longer than that time.
At the very end of our relationship I had a run in with an old [...]
I had a breakup recently from a relationship that meant a lot to me. It was quick and intense, but I feel absolutely hurt and broken-hearted. During our breakup fight, she accused me of having too many straight friends (her exact words: "all your friends are straight!"). Even though I'm pained from the breakup as a whole, this one statement has really stuck with me.
I'm a gold-star lesbian (in my mid-twenties), and I do count some awesome queer ladies and dudes and gender-neutrals as my friends. But my ex is right: the majority of my friends I have met through work and college, which means that most [...]
I’m a 37-year-old lady who came out as bisexual in the ‘90s, and then struggled for 4 or 5 years, before I threw up my hands and ‘decided’ to ‘just be straight.’ My mom was pissed I was gay/bi—especially when she didn’t believe me. I ran down the list, ending with, “Remember that friend who used to stay over nights? Yeah, we totally boned upstairs. A lot.” And my friends were gently confused but didn’t care one way or the other. More dismaying were the men I dated, who predictably were down with the self-serving mental imagery of their lady getting it on with a lady, but which had little [...]
My girlfriend of over a year recently came out to me as a trans man. I've never been in a relationship with a man before: not because I'm unattracted to men—I am sometimes!—but because I've always preferred the company of women, and I love the queer community. I love my partner and support him and I want to stay with him, but I never thought I'd have a boyfriend, and I need some advice on how to proceed.
My boyfriend has told me that he still sees himself as queer, and that we're still a queer couple, and he intends to be open with friends and family about [...]
I went through a big deal breakup a month ago and am now attempting casual dating/hooking up. How/when should I tell people I'm not looking for an actual relationship? Any other casual dating advice you might have would be very welcome.
If you’re only interested in casual dating, you simply cannot disclose too early. Like, bring it up before you order drinks on your first date. Include it in your online dating profile. Screen-print it on a hoodie that you wear anywhere you might meet romantic prospects.
Casual dating/hooking up is not a bad thing at all, but since it might be a dealbreaker for the people you want [...]
I’ve got myself in knots about my friend. Since we met she had always been the paradigm of the best and most fun. Back then it was harder to get close to her. I was more tame and unavailable. There was also always some chemistry. I don’t know how much it matters that I've really only dated dudes long-term. This has never hindered my identifying as queer, but has obviously limited my expression of that part of myself. Somehow these things are maybe connected.
Over the years we've grown up a little and grown closer despite living far apart. We are among one another’s closest friends. Except that the chemistry [...]