Posts Tagged: ask a queer chick
7

Big Lesbian Feelings, Fearful Mothers, and Proper Pronouns

I went through a big deal breakup a month ago and am now attempting casual dating/hooking up. How/when should I tell people I'm not looking for an actual relationship? Any other casual dating advice you might have would be very welcome.

If you’re only interested in casual dating, you simply cannot disclose too early. Like, bring it up before you order drinks on your first date. Include it in your online dating profile. Screen-print it on a hoodie that you wear anywhere you might meet romantic prospects.

Casual dating/hooking up is not a bad thing at all, but since it might be a dealbreaker for the people you want [...]

9

Dating a Quasi-Boss, Becoming Lesbian Othello, and Taking the Road Less Confusing

I’ve got myself in knots about my friend. Since we met she had always been the paradigm of the best and most fun. Back then it was harder to get close to her. I was more tame and unavailable. There was also always some chemistry. I don’t know how much it matters that I've really only dated dudes long-term. This has never hindered my identifying as queer, but has obviously limited my expression of that part of myself. Somehow these things are maybe connected.

Over the years we've grown up a little and grown closer despite living far apart. We are among one another’s closest friends. Except that the chemistry [...]

44

Coming-Out Technology, Exiting the Girlfriend Zone, and the Lesbro Conundrum

Hey! I'm a 20-year-old bi lady finding myself in a bit of a dilemma. Since I was 13, I've had at least some interest in women as well as men, but really only embraced the bisexual label last summer, when I went abroad and met a bunch of really cool queer people who helped me come to terms with it. Since then, I've come out to my immediate family and some of my friends from home, who've all been really supportive.

Since I've come back to school, though, I've been pretty conflicted about coming out. My best friends here are my all-female singing group, with whom I've spent most of [...]

92

Befriending Your Best Friend's Girlfriend and Resisting the "One True Sex Act"

I'm polyamorous, and live with my partner, and have a long distance relationship with someone I love dearly. I've been with my partner for almost three years, and we are in a very solid, happy place. My long-distance sweetie and I have had an intense Thing happening since this past April—so about five months, all of it online (we lived in the same town years ago, but have lived in different parts of the country for the last few years.)

Until this week, my sweetie had a primary relationship of their own. The breakup is, well, a breakup—messy, drama-ful, and rife with the mind-boggling emotional calculus of "had I only brought in [...]

9

Can Femmes Prefer Femmes, Hating Your GF's Therapist, Am I Heterosexual, and LDRs

My surface question is this: How common, really, is the sort of stereotypical "femme/butch" dynamic in female same-sex relationships?

My real question is this: How can I, as a relatively femme cisgender woman, meet other relatively femme cisgender women? This is not the only sub-population that I'm interested in, but it's probably the most compelling one to me. I tend to be kind of wary of "lipstick lesbian" groups, because the ones that I'm familiar with can be pretty exclusive ("bi/queer folks, trans*/genderqueer folks, and ugly folks need not apply!"). But it often seems that in the larger LGBTQ world, I run into two obstacles: First, my femininity does not signal [...]

15

Coming Out at Work, An Introductory Queer Library, and Being "Queer Enough"

I'm a college student about to be an RN and I work in a bar. It's difficult when men flirt with me—the regulars like me, but there's times where I've had bitter men say to other customers at the bar that my problem is that I don't like men and don't waste their time tipping me well. Femme queer-invisibility is a real thing in my workplace. I should be able to be an out lesbian at my future employment, but when working for so many people in a continuously changing environment, I almost wonder if I should just remain a "liar," stay closeted and just keep my distance from my [...]

18

The Pubic Issue, Non-Monosexuality 101, and The Cool Gay Auntie

So… I need pubic hair advice. I've been considering sleeping with women, and in my imagining of it, there's a lot more oral sex than I've typically had with men. Which I'm totally down for, but I'm really turned off by the idea of such close encounters with hair around the labia on myself or my partner. In your experience, do most queer chicks shave/wax for this reason? Or is this an aversion I'll eventually get over if I decide I'm queer? This has weirdly been a big mental hurdle for me.

First of all, you should be aware that oral sex is not actually a requirement for girl-on-girl [...]

7

Coming Out 'Wholesale,' Emotional Affairs, and Crushing on Chicks Who Don't Dig Chicks

I’m a 37-year-old lady who came out as bisexual in the ‘90s, and then struggled for 4 or 5 years, before I threw up my hands and ‘decided’ to ‘just be straight.’ My mom was pissed I was gay/bi—especially when she didn’t believe me. I ran down the list, ending with, “Remember that friend who used to stay over nights? Yeah, we totally boned upstairs. A lot.” And my friends were gently confused but didn’t care one way or the other. More dismaying were the men I dated, who predictably were down with the self-serving mental imagery of their lady getting it on with a lady, but which had little [...]

10

Logan Echolls Syndrome, Cohabitation Power Politics, and The Girlfriend Label

Can you explain me to me? I am very difficult to please when it comes to women. I'm hardly attracted to anyone, ever, and then when I finally do find someone ludicrously attractive, they're always borderline psychopathic. This isn't even a joke. After a year and a half of being with my last girlfriend, she vanished away and I found out she'd given me a fake name. The one before that was an alcoholic who stole from my handbag, trashed my house on a regular basis and would be brought home by the police approximately twice a month (that relationship lasted three years, woohoo!). Really, I'm talking about sociopaths here. [...]

19

Coming Out Late In the Game, Embracing the Inner Bridezilla, and Recharging Your Libido

I'm in recovery from a year and a half of sleeping with someone who manipulated me into doing things I wasn't comfortable with, told me I was worthless, decided he didn't want to be exclusive (I didn't either) but deserved to know in explicit detail about any hookups I had, and didn't listen when I said no about anything ever. So he was bad for me, and I said goodbye four months ago and haven't talked to him since.

So, he was a jerk, and also I was bad at communicating. He'd ask if I like something, and I'd say "not really," and he'd do it again and tell [...]