Posts Tagged: ask a married dude

Depression, Mothers-in-Law, Friendzones

1. At what point does your wife trump your mother?

My mother-in-law suffers from a host of mental illnesses that she has had for as long as anyone can remember. These problems result in her being defiant, promiscuous, self-endangering, and basically incapable of telling the truth.

I agreed to let her stay with us temporarily until we could find a better situation. My husband made me a few promises that made me think this could be okay.

1) If it got to be too bad, we would kick her out and she would go back to being crazy and destructive outside of our home.

2) I get to decide what [...]


Stay-at-Home Dads and the Confrontation-Averse

1. My husband went from having two jobs when we were first married to now being a stay-at-home dad. He raises our toddler daughter, runs our household like a tight ship, is a fantastic cook, and manages our finances so well that we live fairly comfortably on one salary.

He loves being a full time dad. He was worried at first that he’d be bored, but he loves his time with her, and especially being able to plan his days the way he wants. Between the parenting and the domestic stuff, he’s working just as hard, if not harder, than he ever did. He’s fulfilled and happy.

My issue is his [...]


Baggage, "Bed Death," and Suspected Infidelity Triangles

1.  I am an unmarried mom lady, age 39, with no romantic prospects. Apparently this is a horrible thing, but for the most part I am a happy individual. Maybe I'm kidding myself, but I love my life: I have friends, I read books, I have a smart kid, and I have the means to meet our needs. 

Two years after my (collaborative, friendly) divorce, my ex-husband got sick. Very sick. He has literally weeks to live with terminal brain cancer. Needless to say, we're all freaking out. I am trying to keep a calm front for everyone, but it's only so-so. I have panic attacks in the car [...]


Fantasies, Expiration Dates, and the Vasectomy

I'm happily married to an amazing dude and we have three wonderful kids.  After much discussion, we've determined that our family is complete, and that him getting a vasectomy is the best thing for us to do. My husband is completely on board logically, but the thought of getting a vasectomy makes him squeamish and nauseous (which I can understand).

He's also the type of guy who does things right away if he wants to do them, but keeps on putting off tasks that he doesn't want to deal with (guess which category this falls into?). I don't want to nag at him until he does it, [...]


Sex Phases, Red Flags, and "I Just Don't Think You'd Be a Good Parent"

1. I've been conditioned by quizzes in magazines and movies to believe that it's a red flag when a man has trouble with the idea of marriage. My boyfriend of a year and a half and I talk about marriage frequently. Neither of us are in a hurry to get married. Recently, he blurted out, "I don't really like the idea of marriage."

He then went on to say that he loves me, and is committed to me. That he wants to have kids and buy a house with me. That, because he knows marriage is important to me, he'll be willing to marry me in a few years. He [...]


Debt-Sharing and Mismatched Ambition

My husband is a generally wonderful partner, except for one issue. He refuses to pay one cent of my hefty school loans. I am a lawyer and owe about $100k. He feels I went to law school before we were married and therefore he is not responsible for them. We contribute jointly to household expenses and provide for our child, but anything extra he earns goes straight into his secret bank account, whereas every cent I earn goes toward the loans with little personal money left for me. Every time I want to take a trip or buy new appliances or whatnot, he says “if you didn’t have those [...]


Engagement Stories, Cuddling, and Wonderful Boyfriends

1. I’ve never met anyone with whom I have half as much in common as my boyfriend of two years. We agree on the big issues — kids, money, life goals — plus most little ones — best dog breed, TV/movie preferences. We attended school together from elementary through high school (different social circles) and then got the same degree. We’re excited about marriage. He accepts my biggest flaws and I accept his. I love him with my entire heart, and I’d do anything for him.

Here’s the BUT: my wonderful boyfriend cheated on me a few months ago. They made out twice, he broke up with me out of [...]


Affection, Gift Returns, and Professors on Facebook

I'm 30 and live with my boyfriend of four years. We have sex a couple times a week and occasionally he will tolerate a few minutes of cuddling, but otherwise we touch minimally. This seems like a trivial thing to whine about, but I really miss making out. I think physical contact is an important way to feel bonded with somebody. I might be fine with the companionship dynamic if we were perhaps in our 60s, but at this point it mostly serves to make me feel lonely and subtly rejected (I try to kiss him on occasion, but he generally grimaces and turns away). We've discussed this multiple times and my boyfriend grasps that it's an issue for [...]


Workplace Mistakes and Greenerish Grasses

A year ago, while just finishing school, I got very drunk at a work event and hooked up with a co-worker who is definitively senior to me. He had very aggressively hit on me before at work events, but I had rebuffed his advances. On this occasion, however, after he bought me many, many shots of Van Gogh (ugh), and while in a bit of a sexually experimental phase, I let him put his hand up my skirt and then left with him. Huge mistake. Especially as he has a lovely long-term girlfriend, whom I have met quite a few times, and deserves none of this.

I spent the first few months at my new job [...]


Drinking, Pets, and Babies

My husband of one year (whom I've known for 10) is a caring, selfless person, and I feel lucky to have him. There's no question I want to spend my life with him. But there is a recurring issue in our relationship. He needs to go out and party sometimes to blow off steam. It's not that he's hanging out with girls or anything, I fully trust him on that, but it used to be a problem when he'd stay out till five and keep me worrying, driving drunk and doing irresponsible shit. My concern would always appall him — his family aren't worriers, and I admire that, but [...]