Posts Tagged: apologies
72

I Am So Sorry You Probably Didn't Have An Orgasm That Time We Hooked Up

Oh no! I read this article on the New York Times about how you didn’t have an orgasm when we hooked up. That sucks! I’m so sorry. I had no idea. I know I shot out of your apartment like a superball out of a tailpipe. But I was pretty sure I had pleased the pants right off of you. I mean, your pants were still on. But still. This is worse than that time I crapped my pants at Lollapalooza. I am so embarrassed!

This is all according to the New York Times, of course, and who knows more about sex than them? According to the Times, women are [...]

34

We're All Jerks

The other day, a friend posted Rielle Hunter’s HuffPology to the world on my Facebook page. I saw that she’d written a book, and I was like, “Ugh, whoa, well, she must need money.” And I thought about what it would be like to be her—how she gets up every day and does whatever she does, another person trying to live their life, trying to decide what to eat, how to feed her kid.

Five years ago, I read that Rielle Hunter was having an affair with John Edwards. I had met Hunter several times—we lived in the same place at different times and crossed each other’s paths [...]

29

Ask an Apology

This post is sponsored by the delicious caramel, chocolate and nougat inside every Milky Way®

What's the difference between "sorry" and "really sorry?"

I'd say plain "sorry" is truer, because it's more straightforward, but sometimes when people feel genuinely sorry, they get flustered and try to emphasize how bad they feel with a lot of "so"s and "really"s. So they're basically the same thing. Maybe this was not a useful answer.

How, exactly, are you going to make it up to me?

That's a question for the apology-giver, I am only the apology itself, floating between you, sort of like an invisible fairy. But the way fairies are usually [...]