Sing an elegy for the washed away! For the cycles of life, for the saltwater marshes, the houses, the humans—whole islands of humans. Going, going, gone! But not quite yet. The apocalypse is always usefully cast into the future—unless you happen to live in Mauritius, or Jamaica, or the many other perilous spots. According to recent reports, “if emissions of global greenhouse gases remain unchanged,” things could begin to get truly serious around 2050, just in time for the seventh birthday party of my granddaughter. (The grandchildren of the future are frequently evoked in elegies of this kind.) Sometimes the global, repetitive nature of this elegy is so exhaustively sad—and [...]
Researchers have decoded glyphs and a mural from a recently rediscovered ancient Mayan cave, and found that…
The calculations include dates some 7,000 years in the future, adding to evidence against the idea that the Maya thought the world would end in 2012 — a modern myth inspired by an ancient calendar that depicts time starting over this year.
"We keep looking for endings," expedition leader Saturno said in a statement. "The Maya were looking for a guarantee that nothing would change. It's an entirely different mindset."
Which, um, sad? But honestly, it's like teaching people how to make quill pens, not in a "weekend at Colonial Williamsburg" way, but actually devoting months of curriculum time to it. Typing: the wave of the not-even-the-future.
There's always the "but what if we have a nuclear apocalypse and all the computers disappear" school of thought, but, again, printing, you know?
Also, this is that thing you secretly worry about with vibrators, where it's all, what if we get too used to Japanese Engineering Mastery, and then we enter a new climate-change-induced ice age in which electricity and battery power disappear, etc., and we can't cope and become [...]
Here's a visual representation of all the places birds have died en masse in the past couple days. We're basically living the opening montage of a movie about the apocalypse at this point. But what does it all mean? Well, if you zoom in and draw lines from each of the little e-pegs, you can see the birds are trying to tell us something.
I was going to make a whole list, but then I looked at my iTunes and realized I pretty much have the same three on repeat, haha. But they carry me through the whole emotional spectrum, I guess — excited to nervous to sad, and back again.
And regarding the final song on my list: who will you ask to dance during the world's final "slow song"? And what do you think will even signal that the final slow song has begun to play? Earthquakes, avalanches? Anything? Nothing? Assuming there's something, though, when faced with the world's final slow song, will you have the presence of mind to pick [...]
"During this month of May, four bright planets will engage in a fascinating dance with each other in the morning sky. Mercury, Venus, Mars and Jupiter will be involved in a series of conjunctions, joined at the end of the month by a very thin, waning crescent moon. We could even refer to this as a 'celestial summit meeting,' or more precisely, a series of summit meetings during May 2011. Twice during May three planets will converge to form a 'trio.'" —Mercury, Venus, and Jupiter are having their threesome on May 11 (tomorrow); and then Mercury, Venus, and Mars are having theirs on May 21. What will they do? [...]
But if we die because we're struck by a meteorite, we should be graceful about it because it'd be as if we were Winona Ryder in Black Swan — the aging ballerina — bowing out to make room for a hot new species that we don't even know about yet, a.k.a. Natalie Portman, sort of like how the dinosaurs were yesterday's Winona Ryder.