Because most of the chocolate-tasting jobs are already taken.
…Banana Joe, this nine-year-old Affenpinscher from the Netherlands. In the video above, he's winning Best in Breed (Toy); yesterday he won it all. According to the American Kennel Club, the Affenpinscher is known as "a peppy dog that has the face and impish nature of a monkey," and was originally used for killing rats and mice. (Which would actually make for a spectacular live-competition category.) The AKC also ranks breeds by popularity, if you're interested.
And then, because first thing in the morning is definitely the right time for it, Petfinder.
"Dyer said she and her colleagues aren't yet sure why cuteness seems to trigger expressions of aggression, even relatively harmless ones. It's possible that seeing a wide-eyed baby or roly-poly pup triggers our drive to care for that creature, Dyer said. But since the animal is just a picture, and since even in real life we might not be able to care for the creature as much as we want, this urge may be frustrated, she said. That frustration could lead to aggression." —The science behind "IMMA EAT YOU UPPP."
Emily Graslie is rad. She works at The University of Montana's Philip L. Wright Zoological Museum and just launched a web series about life around the office. "I'd like to share some of the amazing things we have in the collection with the Internet. Let's talk about your favorite animal," says she. Let's! [via]
As part of our ongoing series of conversations with animals on policy and population control issues, we recently sat down with Whale, a humpback whale currently based off the coast of Alaska.
Us: Hi, Whale.
Whale: Long time no talk, huh? It's been…twenty years?
Us: I know! I'm sorry. I grew up.
Whale: It's okay. This is what happens. Being a whale, particularly being, you know, more of a metaphor for childish wonder and exploration, I'm used to it. 30 Rock! That movie with Jeff Daniels. It's like being the Velveteen Rabbit, or something. What brought you back?
Us: The baby had a stomach bug, so I found a bunch [...]
"[Crabs] were willing to give up their hideaway in order to avoid the source of their probable pain." —More evidence that crustaceans don't want to become lobster/crab rolls/sandwiches in the way they likely will, or ever. For all the misery in the world, is it possible that there have been equal and opposite moments of greatness? Or is there more darkness than light, in which case is this whole thing another planet's 'Cabin in the Woods'? Or are we all alone with our disgusting mess? Also: Is there a word for people who only eat meat that they've killed themselves?
Worse than the human-faced dog. Substantially worse.
As part of our ongoing series of conversations with animals on policy and population control issues, we recently sat down with Legion, a crab louse who lost his home prior to his host's January beach vacation.
Us: Did you see it coming?
Legion: Yeah, the writing's been on the wall for a while now, honestly. Well, I mean, each of us only lives for around thirty days, but we have surprisingly good institutional memory.
Us: I would say that I'm sorry, but I find the entire concept of your existence totally, totally gross.
Legion: I just don't understand why people think remoras are adorable, but we're revolting. Not [...]