For some reason wine has become this thing. This huge inflated pompous thing that people have invented corny language around, jacked up costs for, and made intimidating as all hell. Then you find yourself retreating to your couch with whatever's cheapest and goes well with sweats, or smiling through a glass of something at a dinner party that you can't pronounce and aren't sure if you're supposed to enjoy, instead of actually enjoying the wine.

Well, here's the thing, the only thing, really, about wine: It's all about what you like. It's like any other thing, a simple thing that gets complicated by the fact that knowing what you [...]

The uber chi-chi club is one of the most Darwinian showcases in the city. It's complete survival of the fittest in there, and the Alphas are those who accept that success is based on one of three things: 1) money you’re willing to spend, 2) looks, 3) sincerely not giving a fuck about money, looks, status, or what people think about the fact that you have none of these things — in which case you're probably at the local dive already anyway. From the outside, the club is a sweaty, drunken meat-market of pumping bass and vodka-Redbulls, but all that disappears once you're inside and sitting on P. [...]

Oh, you've gone and done it again. You bought a way cute pair of shoes that make your feet look a half-size smaller … because they ARE a half-size smaller. But they'll stretch when you wear them, right?

Maybe. Maybe not.

But if they don't, here's an easy way to stretch'em out. Seriously.

1. Fill up two Ziploc bags about half full (you were optimistic when you bought those suckers, remember?) with water. Make sure you get the bags with the blue + yellow = green technology to make sure that shit is SEALED. This is important.

Pro: His mom still thinks of you as the sweet girl she knew in high school who her son drove home after math club.

Con: You better hope he thinks you took a seminar to learn how to do that upside down spin move, and that it’s not a result of the triple-digit number of guys you’ve banged since senior year.

Pro: You can fart in front of each other waaay sooner than you would be able to in a normal adult relationship.  Like, eight months sooner. Just let it go. Same goes for nose picking.

Con: Talk about bringing up old shit. “You're so inconsiderate. This is just like right after [...]

If you're anything like me (and if you're pushing/at/just over 30, you are) you may have noticed that some very curious, curious indeed things are happening to your body as you get >cawf< older. Perhaps your boobs are all heeey, belly button! Or maybe your ba-donk-a-donk is starting to resemble a ba-donk-a-don't. In other words, things are sagging and drooping and wrinkling and buckling and GROWING HAIR YOU GUYS in very unexpected places.

This is your metabolism striking back after five years of vodka Red Bulls, 2 a.m. burritos, and an underused, annoyed uterus. Here's some real-world examples of where exercise actually comes in handy for an urban, lazy [...]

Much like the opening lines of Anna Karenina, while different cultural luxuries are each luxurious in their own way, the hood is pretty much the same wherever you go. Region and race don't matter. Sometimes you need to go there for a reason, and sometimes you get taken there against your will, and sometimes that's just where the club happens to be. This past weekend I found myself at the Scrub-a-dub Club in Negril, Jamaica, a place that doubles as a car wash by day and a strip club by night (I can’t make this shit up even if I wanted to). It's pretty up there in [...]

Pro: Oh, that accent. He could read theorems from an algebra textbook and it would sound sexy.

Pro: At least once a week, he'll completely sincerely say, “eeeh, how do you saaayyyy…?” and it will melt you. Every. Time.

Con: Your jealous best friend will call him Pepe Le Pew. "Oh, so how's Pepe Le Pew doing today? Will Monsieur Le Pew be there tonight? Will he be driving his Peugeot?"

Pro: He'll tell you exotic tales of his homeland, and the two of you will lie in bed fantasizing about taking a holiday there someday soon. Perhaps to his uncle's vineyard in Tuscany? Or his sister's chalet in [...]

So you tried the bars and got a couple of whiskey-fueled makeout sessions. You tried being set up by mutual friends and got some new Facebook friends. You tried dating at work and are now updating your résumé. Time to try the internet. But first, consider this:

Pro: Dating's fun! Or at least, it should be.

Con: Only it's not. It's fraught with uncertainty, crossed lines, sexual mishaps, unrealistic expectations, and broken dreams. Sowwy.

Pro: Online dating has been around long enough now that you can match your site up with what you're shopping for. Marriage? Try eHarmony. Slightly serious hook-up? Try Match. Good times with [...]

Pro: Saying, “Oh, he's an heir,” really doesn't get old when people ask what your boyfriend does for a living.

Con: This does not make you an heiress.

Pro: Rich people smell really good. I have no idea why. Lots of free time to shower? Ability to afford expensive scented products from Paris? Evolution? I don't make the rules.

Con: You know how rich people stay rich? They invest. That means YOU are an investment, and they're looking for a return on that investment. This means you have to keep your shit tight: manicures, pedicures, waxing, hair done, bikini body, etc. There's no day off. You start slacking and [...]

My older brother had just discovered gangster rap and was being misunderstood by my parents daily, so it's only natural that I would glom on to Yo-Yo, the only female member of Ice Cube's Da Lynch Mob, an offshoot of N.W.A. She was the first female rapper I knew of, and she had pretty eyes. So when "You Can't Play With My Yo-Yo" came out I insisted to Page, my BFF at the time, that we do a dance routine and perform it for the whole school. It should be noted that with lyrics like, "Check the booty / I know it's kinda soft and / If you touch it [...]