Posts Tagged: alexandra molotkow

Please Welcome Alexandra Molotkow

Oh hi! Good morning! I have some extremely exciting news for you, but first, let's take a breath and gather some background. Hi. Where are we?

This is The Hairpin dot com, an independent website that is run by women. We publish writing and other kinds of work to the world by women (and some men), and is read by women (and some men). We like to say that we're a home for "petty enthusiasms," which is why you'll find lots of articles on Drake, or placenta face masks, or extensive definitions [...]


The Source Family: A Cult I Might Have Joined

What would you do if a middle-aged man with a big white beard and a long white robe asked you to be his daughter? What if he had a magic touch that made you forget your name, and he smelled like a blend of rosemary and river mud and deep BO pheromones,* and he owned a successful vegetarian restaurant with the best salad dressing in all of Los Angeles? If anything, you would use protection and then shudder off the oxytocin rush. But if this were the ’70s, and you were a wandering hippie in search of a higher purpose, you might join him in his mansion in the hills [...]


My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy Man

I first watched the 1972 film Last House On the Left with a long-term boyfriend — a “real nice guy,” in the parlance of ‘70s films, a dead ringer for Cameron from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off who treated me like a princess and would never have hurt me, even if I’d asked him to. And so began my fascination with the film’s lead: the brutally handsome David Hess.

In Last House, Hess plays a character named Krug Stillo. What kind of person do you imagine Krug Stillo to be? If you answered “Dutch jazz percussionist,” you are wrong. Krug Stillo is an escaped convict and the ringleader of a gang [...]


Things We Need Words For

Alexandra Molotkow is a beautiful genius in all regards, so of course she's the person we need to point out the words the English language is still lacking:

6. Remembering you have a body and wishing you didn’t

7. False sense of accomplishment for having had firsthand experience with an object of cultural nostalgia

8. Private feeling of dismay when it turns out everyone knows about something you thought only you knew about

9. Feeling of sexual obligation to someone you met on the Internet or a cellphone

10. Overall dissonance between one’s online and offline personae

11. The feeling of having read many words and [...]


Notes From an All-Female Glengarry Glen Ross Viewing Party


Alex H: Seen before. Naomi: First-time watcher, but “seen various semi-professional productions of the play.” Lily: “Seen a cat perform the original screenplay, but in Italian.” [Note: only joking.] Alex M: Tried to watch twice, both times fell asleep. Gabe: Our friend who wanted to come but couldn’t because it was females only.


AM: So what is a lead, exactly? AH: A lead on a sale. They’re salesmen. AM: But is a lead someone who might want to sell their house? AH: Yeah, a possible person who might be interested. AM: In buying or selling? AH: In buying. Because they’re trying to sell.

Put that coffee [...]


Interview with a Big Dick

How did you first realize that you had a big dick?

It was something that people had always kind of said to me. And for a long time I assumed it was just something women said to a man to flatter him, to be nice. But then I started sleeping with men sometimes, and my dick was always bigger. Also—how do I put this—there were circumstances with some people in which, mid-coitus, we would have to stop having sex because it was painful. Obviously that's not somebody trying to flatter you.

Are you comfortable stating your size?

I actually never measured it.

How can you have a penis your entire [...]


Talking With My Exes' Exes

“Saxamanda” was friendly, but she always intimidated me. She was a couple years my senior and had lived in Israel and Russia and once hitch-hiked across North Africa on a whim. She looked like Penelope Tree, dated the singer of a punk band everyone loved, and always seemed to be chugging from a tall can. I was 18 and lived with my parents and got homesick even on school trips.

After Saxamanda and her boyfriend broke up, she started dating my friend “Fergus.” When she went abroad to study, Fergus and I became close. He talked about her constantly and wore one of her hair elastics around his wrist so [...]