We've been light on advice in this corner for a while now, we know. (In Edith's immortal words: "There is no such thing as advice. There are only problems and the ways people handle them.") But we've been deliberating and you've been requesting and what the hell, let's give it a go! We've got a brand-new email for advice questions (firstname.lastname@example.org), so please send us any dilemmas you've got on your mind, for a Dude or a Lady or Whoever, and we'll do our best to nourish them with lots of food/water/sunlight/words. (Or to kill them? Either way.)
I'm in recovery from a year and a half of sleeping with someone who manipulated me into doing things I wasn't comfortable with, told me I was worthless, decided he didn't want to be exclusive (I didn't either) but deserved to know in explicit detail about any hookups I had, and didn't listen when I said no about anything ever. So he was bad for me, and I said goodbye four months ago and haven't talked to him since.
So, he was a jerk, and also I was bad at communicating. He'd ask if I like something, and I'd say "not really," and he'd do it again and tell [...]
I'm polyamorous, and live with my partner, and have a long distance relationship with someone I love dearly. I've been with my partner for almost three years, and we are in a very solid, happy place. My long-distance sweetie and I have had an intense Thing happening since this past April—so about five months, all of it online (we lived in the same town years ago, but have lived in different parts of the country for the last few years.)
Until this week, my sweetie had a primary relationship of their own. The breakup is, well, a breakup—messy, drama-ful, and rife with the mind-boggling emotional calculus of "had I only brought in [...]
I've seen other people get what they want because they go after it without regard for anyone else. While I know that won't make me feel any better, sometimes I want to do just that: I want what I want and I want it now, even if it will hurt somebody else. What do you do when you don't want to do the right thing?
Are you a monster? Monsters say: Grrrr. I do the monster stomp and chase the monsters away. But sometimes *I’m* a monster, and Mommy and Daddy and brother are monsters. We’re all monsters together! We all say: Grrrr! We [...]
How do I become someone I want to be? I used to be inspired and have purpose and see magic in every day, then I just sort of got lost in the details.
Don't worry! It's okay. It's a good idea to have lots of different jobs. I have lots of jobs: taking care of my cat Taffy and my dogs and gorilla and bat and bunny and all my animals, taking naps, eating with my fork and spoon, fixing my Mommy's hair, making my baby laugh. Also I'm a forehead-doctor. And sometimes I'm a jaguar or Vicky the Vole or Grandpa or Joyce [...]
Transcript after the jump. Also, Baba's almost out of questions, so email her if you want some advice!
Transcript after the jump.
Freelance writer Sara Eckel, the author of the recent, fantastic Modern Love column, "The Hard-Won Lessons of the Solitary Years," has a new book out: It’s Not You: 27 (Wrong) Reasons You’re Single. It comes with a self-help designation, but its message is really more like “self-compassion.” That’s an expression Sara uses to talk about the way unmarried women in their 30s and beyond (and, really, all women, regardless of age or marital status) should treat themselves. It’s a message we could all use a reminder of now and again. Especially in January.
The other day I mentioned to my friend Natalie that I had been single for four years, going on five. I spent a good amount of time around the two and three year marks pouting and lamenting this fact, but as I have become both generally happier and also satiated with myself as company, my singledom is just a boring fact, on par with my taste for turkey bacon and the borough where I live.
As I was telling Natalie this—that I’m happy with who I am now, and who I’m with, which is myself—she looked at me with her wise, happy, married eyes and said, “Girl, the person you [...]
Transcript after the jump.