Posts Tagged: advice

Coming Out 'Wholesale,' Emotional Affairs, and Crushing on Chicks Who Don't Dig Chicks

I’m a 37-year-old lady who came out as bisexual in the ‘90s, and then struggled for 4 or 5 years, before I threw up my hands and ‘decided’ to ‘just be straight.’ My mom was pissed I was gay/bi—especially when she didn’t believe me. I ran down the list, ending with, “Remember that friend who used to stay over nights? Yeah, we totally boned upstairs. A lot.” And my friends were gently confused but didn’t care one way or the other. More dismaying were the men I dated, who predictably were down with the self-serving mental imagery of their lady getting it on with a lady, but which had little [...]


Coming Out at Work, An Introductory Queer Library, and Being "Queer Enough"

I'm a college student about to be an RN and I work in a bar. It's difficult when men flirt with me—the regulars like me, but there's times where I've had bitter men say to other customers at the bar that my problem is that I don't like men and don't waste their time tipping me well. Femme queer-invisibility is a real thing in my workplace. I should be able to be an out lesbian at my future employment, but when working for so many people in a continuously changing environment, I almost wonder if I should just remain a "liar," stay closeted and just keep my distance from my [...]


The Pubic Issue, Non-Monosexuality 101, and The Cool Gay Auntie

So… I need pubic hair advice. I've been considering sleeping with women, and in my imagining of it, there's a lot more oral sex than I've typically had with men. Which I'm totally down for, but I'm really turned off by the idea of such close encounters with hair around the labia on myself or my partner. In your experience, do most queer chicks shave/wax for this reason? Or is this an aversion I'll eventually get over if I decide I'm queer? This has weirdly been a big mental hurdle for me.

First of all, you should be aware that oral sex is not actually a requirement for girl-on-girl [...]


The Single Woman Need Not Be Eternally Panic-Stricken: An Interview With Sara Eckel

Freelance writer Sara Eckel, the author of the recent, fantastic Modern Love column, "The Hard-Won Lessons of the Solitary Years," has a new book out: It’s Not You: 27 (Wrong) Reasons You’re Single. It comes with a self-help designation, but its message is really more like “self-compassion.” That’s an expression Sara uses to talk about the way unmarried women in their 30s and beyond (and, really, all women, regardless of age or marital status) should treat themselves. It’s a message we could all use a reminder of now and again. Especially in January.

The book stemmed from her first Modern Love column, published in 2011, in which she wrote of meeting [...]


Ask Baba Yaga: How Do I Get Over the Shame I Feel For My Work?

Transcript after the jump.


Coming-Out Technology, Exiting the Girlfriend Zone, and the Lesbro Conundrum

Hey! I'm a 20-year-old bi lady finding myself in a bit of a dilemma. Since I was 13, I've had at least some interest in women as well as men, but really only embraced the bisexual label last summer, when I went abroad and met a bunch of really cool queer people who helped me come to terms with it. Since then, I've come out to my immediate family and some of my friends from home, who've all been really supportive.

Since I've come back to school, though, I've been pretty conflicted about coming out. My best friends here are my all-female singing group, with whom I've spent most of [...]


Ask Us Anything

We've been light on advice in this corner for a while now, we know. (In Edith's immortal words: "There is no such thing as advice. There are only problems and the ways people handle them.") But we've been deliberating and you've been requesting and what the hell, let's give it a go! We've got a brand-new email for advice questions (, so please send us any dilemmas you've got on your mind, for a Dude or a Lady or Whoever, and we'll do our best to nourish them with lots of food/water/sunlight/words. (Or to kill them? Either way.)


Dating a Quasi-Boss, Becoming Lesbian Othello, and Taking the Road Less Confusing

I’ve got myself in knots about my friend. Since we met she had always been the paradigm of the best and most fun. Back then it was harder to get close to her. I was more tame and unavailable. There was also always some chemistry. I don’t know how much it matters that I've really only dated dudes long-term. This has never hindered my identifying as queer, but has obviously limited my expression of that part of myself. Somehow these things are maybe connected.

Over the years we've grown up a little and grown closer despite living far apart. We are among one another’s closest friends. Except that the chemistry [...]


Harold Ramis On Parenting

I've been reading a lot of old Harold Ramis interviews in the past couple weeks, and I keep coming back to this interview he did with Tad Friend in the New Yorker in 2004. He touches upon his relationship with Bill Murray, the process of rewriting, and his ideas about comedy. I love this part though, where he talks to his son, who is anxious about being late for school:

“How did things go in school?” Ramis asked Daniel, grinning. That morning, when the boy expressed concern that he’d get yelled at for being late, Ramis had said, “If your teacher says anything, you say, ‘You know [...]


Ask a Three-Year-Old: Purpose

Dear Three-Year-Old,

How do I become someone I want to be? I used to be inspired and have purpose and see magic in every day, then I just sort of got lost in the details.



Dear Worried,

Don't worry! It's okay. It's a good idea to have lots of different jobs. I have lots of jobs: taking care of my cat Taffy and my dogs and gorilla and bat and bunny and all my animals, taking naps, eating with my fork and spoon, fixing my Mommy's hair, making my baby laugh. Also I'm a forehead-doctor. And sometimes I'm a jaguar or Vicky the Vole or Grandpa or Joyce [...]