video games

Girl Talk: Companion Cube

Oh Companion Cube, weighted block dearest to my heart. Your steadfast devotion has seen me through years of stasis, countless taunts from murderous A.I.s, and so, so many portals.

When we first met, I didn't immediately realize just how special you were. I'm sorry for that, Companion Cube. You seemed like just another weighted block, bearing hearts instead of Aperture logos. As the voice of GLaDOS informed me, however, you were different. You stayed by my side throughout Test Chamber 17, cheerfully allowing me to use you as a platform. You selflessly blocked and redirected Aperture Science High Energy Pellets that would have killed me instantly on impact, and [...]


Dinner and a First Person Shooter

"[The gamers who were playing] Mario 20 years ago or Donkey Kong 30 years ago, they don't have the same amount of time anymore," he tells Gamasutra. "They have kids. They have jobs. They come home in the evening, they're tired, and they have to manage their lives in a totally different way than a 15 to 20-year-old kid.

"When you are in that situation, and when you sit down on the couch after dinner with your family, if you're given the choice between a movie and you know that's going to be over in two hours and that's it, or a game and you never know when the game [...]


G-Rated Gender-Bending With Sexy Sheik

Well excuuu-uuse me, princess, but you aren’t my choice for supreme Ocarina of Time crush. Nor is Link, Ganondorf with his power-hungry ginger villain steez, Ruto with her — uh — somewhat overbearing enthusiasm, or Impa with her (hopefully unused) bike shorts. Not those nutty nekkid Great Fairies, not Malon and her singing voice, not even Darunia and his sexy dance. Not even Nabooru, who I sort of wanted to be. Nope, Z. outdid herself and everyone else with her impenetrably incognito, absolutely in no way whatsoever recognizable disguise as her mysterious male alter ego, Sheik. 


Resident Evil: Sex

Video game character crushes. They are a thing. I prefer them to movie character crushes, because video game characters (most often) aren’t physically represented by pesky real people who might pop up in a tabloid and wreck the fantasy, AND you get to make them do whatever you want (to a certain extent).

Now that we've acknowledged this, I’m ready to get the ball rolling with the hottest collection of pixels to ever grace a screen: Leon S. Kennedy.


*Never just LEEEOOONNN! Because then someone might mistake me for Ashley Graham, “the President’s daughter,” and I might die of shame. “LEEEOOONNN! HAAALP!” No! NO! What am I [...]


Girl Talk: Raz

As summer draws to a close, it's time to reminisce fondly about our experiences in the psychic dojo that is Whispering Rock Psychic Summer Camp. (Or if you have a PS3 and haven't played it, chat about the experiences you WILL have if you have the good sense to download Psychonauts now that it's available.)

Oooh, that new kid. How cool, just HOW COOL, is Razputin Aquato?! What an entrance! Lili was clearly impressed, and so was I. I heard a rumor that he was raised in the circus. And I read in True Psychic Tales #874 that when camp was over and the brain-stealing plot was foiled [...]


Girl Talk: Sinclair

This one’s a little weird, I admit, but I’d appreciate it if you would kindly indulge me in a discussion of the merits of one Augustus Sinclair, Esquire.

The BioShock games don’t provide crush material as readily as, say, any game from any BioWare franchise. For one thing, you (“you” being the pair of hands that represents Jack or Subject Delta) are quite isolated during most of your time in Rapture. Your closest non-violent contact with other characters occurs when — post-Big Daddy slaughter — you pick up ghoulish Little Sisters to rescue or harvest them for ADAM. Your more typical face-to-face interactions with other people involve battling deformed shrieking [...]


Girl Talk: Garrus

When it comes to video game character crushes, BioWare dominates the field. I a.g.o.n.i.z.e.d. over which character to discuss first, because they’ve given us so many wonderful crushable characters (and not just romance option characters. Heeey, Canderous Ordo! Oh, and you too, Varric!). Thankfully, popular demand made the decision easy for me, and today we shall swoon over…


Garrus Vakarian. Oh, Garrus: your typical lovable bad boy who wants to do good things and does that by doing bad things and does it all so well. Who is also a strangely attractive raptor-dinosaur-alien man who is good with a gun. Garrus!


Girl Talk: Niko

Aside from contributing to the moral degeneration of the modern world by teaching the children how to jack cars and murder innocent pedestrians (not all of whom are hookers) AND being incredibly fun to play, the Grand Theft Auto franchise has introduced some memorable dudes for our consideration. Due to my initial media-influenced impression that the games involved much more prostitute-slaying than they actually do and frustration with my lack of immediate "driving" ability, I never played more than a few minutes of GTA Vice City and San Andreas at a time. Their protagonists, however, still managed to make an impression on me. Nobody wears a Hawaiian shirt like [...]


Girl Talk: Alistair

So. I had planned to save further BioWare love for later in the year after hittin’ Garrus in March, but then my sister-in-law-to-be played Dragon Age: Origins for the first time (first of five times in rapid succession, to be accurate) which made ME want to play Dragon Age again, and, well, it was inevitable. We have to talk about Alistair. Oooh yeah, we are SO going to talk about Alistair.

But first! A note on Garrus: I made a point not to include spoilers in his post only because Mass Effect 3 had just been released. If I do not specifically state that I am avoiding spoilers, expect ‘em. It’s hard [...]


Defective Android Mouthbreather Seeks Employment

Just spent seven minute watching this trailer? ad? something for a new, uhhh, video game "engine" (whatever that is!) and I'd do it again. Seriously, I have no idea what I'm talking about other than this little film was pretty if you imagine it being a game you can actually play or, ahem, watch someone else play in your living room while you make dinner/practice calligraphy. NSFW due to android nudity (think Barbie) and a few mild swears like the ones your grandma says when she stubs her toe. [via]