u-s-a! u-s-a!
8

Hockey Happened

After the jump, the GIF that shows how close the American women were to winning gold in today's hockey final. The goal on the open net would've put the U.S. up 3-1 with just a few minutes remaining in regulation; instead the puck hit the post, rather improbably, and Canada tied it up and won in overtime. Congrats to our neighbors to the north, I GUESS. 

8

Seasonal Affective Disorder Olympics

CURLING (Into A Ball)

Ten points if you do it for an hour.

A thousand points if you don't leave bed all weekend.

Gold medal for you if you quit your job, sell that gold medal, invest in the bond market, gain wealth, thereby proliferating more gold. This will translate to happiness. Mail your teenage nephew red Beats by Dre headphones for his "domepiece." This is a successful game of curling (into a ball).

 

DOWNHILL

A brash alarm begins its unforgiving beep. It's the morning; dawn peeks through your window.

"It's all downhill from here," you say.

Bronze medal.

 

HOCKEY

Punch someone! Reflect on how weak you are! [...]

5

Johnny Weir's Sochi Looks

In a perfect GIF, after the jump. (Suggested soundtrack.

23

America Will Wear White Pants

Team USA's Opening Ceremony uniforms, designed once again by Ralph Lauren, were unveiled on Today this morning, and they're… well, OK, they're like if your grandma's sweater chest inhaled an American flag and cross country ski boots from the '80s and washed it all down with a plastic handle of vodka and then threw up into the mold of U.S. hockey player Julie Chu. (And the sweater is just $598.) I propose the following palate cleanser: go watch Jason Brown's routine from the U.S. Figure Skating Championships a couple of weeks ago. Do it, like, five times in a row. It won't get old. [Today]

3

The Winter Games, Now & Then

Via Mashable: The Evolution of Winter Olympics in GIFs. Body suits seem to have gotten tighter.

12

America Is Losing at Coffee

Via Quartz: Let's get real. The Sochi Games start in three weeks. We must all do our part to up coffee intake in that stretch. It's called team-building. Ready, go. [Quartz]