"So. The world hates you. You are considered the worst thing to be compared to. Throw like a girl. Talk like a girl. Cry like a girl. God forbid we ever be girls. … So what can we do, dear daughter? When you get a little older, I will be honest with you and tell you — fuck ‘em. You will not change their mind by arguing, by telling them they are wrong. You change their mind by showing them how being a girl is awesome. You show them by not hiding, by not being demure." —Mur Lafferty, "Dear Daughter."

"Oh, just some kids trying to play 'Dueling Banjos.'"

The Sleepy Man Banjo Boys are from New Jersey. And that bed frame is almost suspiciously perfect.

"DON'T assume that repeating directions increases their likelihood of being followed. More importantly, DO NOT assume that repeating directions increases their likelihood of being followed." —Mira Jacob knows 15 ways not to raise a toddler.

Researchers tracked down the four-year-olds who participated in the legendary "Stanford Marshmallow Delayed Gratification Experiment" of 1972 (recently recreated above) to gauge whether they're still the type to go for the single marshmallow right away, or whether they've learned to hold out for that second marshmallow. Since "marshmallows aren't as irresistible to adults," though, the participants — now in their 40s — were instead shown pictures of happy and sad faces, but how that part works is actually still a little confusing. ("[T]he researchers asked participants to react to a series of emotional pictures, primarily happy and sad faces. 'The happy face took the place of the marshmallow,' said [...]

"Finally, lots of people offer the notion that parenthood will make them happy. Here the evidence is, sadly, against them. Research shows that people who have children are no more satisfied with their lives than people who don’t. If anything, the balance tips the other way: parents are less happy." —And yet! Elizabeth Kolbert reads up on the sometimes startlingly, endearingly chilly ethics of having versus not-having children.

This letter of love advice from John Steinbeck to his son is a must read (or a re-read if you are better at the Internet and read it a month ago when it was first posted).

Somebody's mom made a list of reasons kid parties suck but she forgot one: parents. Ugh! (Rolls eyes, stomps upstairs.)

"And there have been many awkward moments at parties, when Bea has wanted to eat, say, both cookies and cake, and I’ve engaged in a heated public discussion about why she can’t."

The mom who put her daughter on a diet and wrote about it for Vogue now has a book deal. Its working title is The Heavy, but maybe we can come up with something better. How about I'm Trying to Do My Best, Although I Probably Shouldn't Be Writing This Book, I Know. Or even: You're Ruining Your Kids, Too, in Your Own Way, I Bet, Right?

Also: with the resurgence of fairy-tale influence in pop [...]

"I’ve started my asking my mommy friends what they call their sons’ and daughters’ private parts… Many parents refer to the general areas as simply “girl parts” or “boy parts,” while others adopt foreign terms (zizi, zizette, fesses, ochinchin). Nicknames are common (Petunia, Pajarito) as are various repeated sounds (wee wee, jay jay, vee vee, fu fu, and pee pee)." —Rhiana Maidenberg talks about sort of not talking about hoo-has. Have you named yours yet?

My own children are already 8 and 12 years old, but it is a truth universally acknowledged that children in possession of a surprising number of years were once, to a child, babies. Indeed, as The Hairpin’s very own Nicole Cliffe is about to discover, the baby phase — for which childbirth classes, pregnancy manuals, and complete strangers in the line at Whole Foods are more than happy to prep you — is stunningly brief in duration. It’s the whole “childhood” part that no one thinks to give you a heads up on.

Everyone and his/her mother and/or father jokes about the baby exhaustion. Nominally, at least, parents-to-be are [...]