It's Science!

Scientists: Death of 99% of Relationships Can Be Traced Back to the Exchange of “Love Coupons”

In a groundbreaking new study at New Jersey University, scientists have determined that the death of 99% of human relationships can be traced back to the exchange of “love coupons.”

Love coupons (also known as love discounts, love IOUs, or love gifts with purchase) are slips of paper, usually homemade, that act as gift certificates for acts that people in relationships previously gave of their own will, such as hugs, sensual massages, or emptying the goddamn dishwasher for once without complaining. They’ve gained popularity on Pinterest and in countless women’s lifestyle magazines as a means of resparking a dying relationship. Love coupons are not legal currency.

“The simple truth is, [...]


So You're Saying I'm Not Going to Sleep with B-I-E-B-E-R?

The ideomotor effect is the phenomenon of unconscious physical response (i.e. crying when someone is especially nice to you after a long week) and it's responsible for events as inconsequential as Ouija board action and as horrifying as the James McCormick case, in which a man sold $30 joke golf-ball finders as $70,000 bomb-detector devices to government military forces from 20 countries around the world, turning a profit of $60 million and causing many, many deaths. (McCormick faces million-dollar fines and a decade of jail time now, although he still insists that the devices work, although he "doesn't know how," and it's a matter of the "secret [...]