how to be a girl

How to Use the Internet

I have a request — less of a How to-Be a Girl, and more of a how-to-be-a-human-being-in-the-21st-century problem. My Google fu SUCKS. I can't find anything (anything USEFUL, anyway) on Google. This is not good. I hate having to trawl back through ancient blog posts to find links I remember reading about but can't relocate through a search engine, and am absolutely hopeless at background checking new acquaintances and getting answers to late-night, "I wonder whatever happened to that girl Randi from high school who's not on Facebook?" wonderings.

You have mentioned that you are a Google Wizard, and I am still ROYALLY envious of your account of [...]


Friday Bargain Bin: What to Do With Your Allowance This Week

Connor Octopus Calendar and Stand, $54 (was $135) This is what rich interior designer ladies who have reality shows put on their desks. Or, ladies with $54.


Friday Bargain Bin: Free or Almost-Free Gifts

No, we're not giving away free gifts today, but here are a bunch of things you can "get" for people if you've run out of time or money and haven't found presents yet. Actually, give these any time!

Pie Pies are pretty cheap to make, like under $5 if you already have flour and butter in the house. Everyone knows a good pie crust is difficult, so not only will they appreciate the effort, they'll forgive you if it's not totally perfect. Hot tip: instead of scoring the pie with slashes, write a message to your friend in it like I did! (Admittedly, those are apple [...]


Friday Bargain Bin: Gift Exchange Edition

Survival Kit in a Sardine Can, $10.49 (was $15) It's Secret Santa/Office Holiday Party/Mom's neighbor lady from up the street is having a White Elephant party time, y'all! So here are some ideas for what to get randos. You know, cheap stuff people will open and go "Awww! Awesome. You, you're really something. You're just it." Like this survival kit, which is one of a million perfectly adorable stocking stuffers at Restoration Hardware right now. The vintage prank kit! The mini espresso maker!


Friday Bargain Bin: What to Do With Your Allowance This Week

Chico's Flama Earrings, $13.99 (were $45) Oh, Chico's, you crazy old bat! Are these more "Mary Poppins' Umbrella" — in which case they better keep their mouths shut! — or "Adrienne Maloof on a Wednesday Morning?" Either way, they are perfect.


Beauty Q&A: Sex Hair, Fur, and the Perfect T-Shirt

I need the perfect t-shirt. The sort of t-shirt that's tissue-soft but still manages to not be totally see-through. Like if Alexander Wang met my favorite band t-shirt from 1991 (not that I had a favorite band t-shirt in 1991, my favorite band was C&C Music Factory!). I want to dress like a cool California girl. I also have boobs that must be taken into consideration when it comes to t-shirts. Drapey doesn't always work so well.

What we both want is an easy answer to this question, but guess what? Ha-ha. Okay, the first thing to consider when selecting a t-shirt is undergarments. You touched on it with [...]


Friday Bargain Bin: Crowdsourced Edition

Enough with the gift lists, already! Am I right? I'm so very tired of window shopping right now, but maybe you aren't? Can I bother you for a few moments to please pick up the slack for me and let us know about whatever amazing deal you heard of and were going to keep to yourself until someone came begging for it? IRL, I saw that Anthro has 30% off sale items. Your turn.


Beauty Q&A: Freeboobing and Cute Pajamas

Will you talk more about freeboobing? Is it just an under-30 thing? Because I've had two children and my breasts have gone from a C (originally), to massive, to a less than perky A. Is it too late for me, unless I fork over the $7K and get my boobies reworked? It would be nice to look all fresh and hot, but I just don't think I can pull it off.

Here's my philosophy: only freeboob for a reason — to create a certain silhouette, because straps would ruin the look, because you're trying to get laid, etc. Never freeboob out of laziness — you can leave that to [...]


Friday Bargain Bin: What to Do With Your Allowance This Week

Vintage Bookshelf Scrabble, $34.49 (was $69) A good place to start spending all that holiday loot someone gave you is on stuff that makes you look smarter. Or at least like you have smart people over for game night.


The Guide to Bold Lipsticks

My red lipstick is discontinued from Shu Uemura, the burgundy is from Revlon and the hot pink is from Mattese.

Previously: The Cat-Eye Tutorial.