found poetry
3

A Poem That I Can Also Say In Dutch Based on Phrases I Learned In Duolingo

Hello, shoes! Girls are not weak The weak men drink wine Sorry!

I am not paying you You have an important duck We have a few cats The weak sheep sees her No red clothes, please. My orange is not orange. You eat sandwiches. You eat sandwiches.

Do you hear the bad men? It is quiet. I have small sheep. It is a small sheep. Thank you, that is mine.

It is not empty It is not empty It is not.

2

The Ballad of the Tabloid Darling

A poem composed entirely of Daily Mail subheds. (Previously: The Love Story of Michelle Rodriguez and Cara Delevingne.)

She’s had two children

Posted intimate snaps

Second appearance

Lost control of her top

 

Her Majesty wore blue

Pumping her toned arms

Making sure to put her feet up

With ‘bunny’ Carmen

They looked just like any other family

 

Loading up with festive goodies

A massage room, a library, a spacious pool, and a screening room.

Ivy By the Shore

3

A Poem From the Comments Section of Martha Stewart's Drone Post

How nice to see aerial photos of your Queendom We are being watched, even here on prairie I need this drone.

It's me, again, Martha! Is that the bee hives I see What I love about you is the fact you perfect at everything My favorite, the horse barn. Drones?

I wonder of these photos appeared of your farm without your permission what your thoughts would be. One of the things I learned from Americans is to plan for the future Now, I'm going back, enlarge the pictures, and look, again.

It is very obvious you prefer completely straight lines in everything. Your farm is truly a treasure. I never [...]

3

The Love Story of Michelle Rodriguez and Cara Delevingne

 All text taken from Daily Mail captions. 

Part 1: The Knicks Game

Cara studied her facial expression Stay alert.

Open-mouthed. Sporty: she wore a black leather jacket and expressed her allegiance to her team. Michelle seemed to be trying to tell Cara something Stay alert. Open-mouthed

Michelle seemed amazed by something else Michelle really struggled to even keep her head up Basketball fan. Michelle decided to recline during the game

Getting close or desperate for attention? Chill out. Are you ok? Stay alert.

Cara and Michelle seemed to be struggling to maintain eye contact with each other As Cara blew [...]

12

Haikus Based on Nancy Grace Hashtags

Mothers #MojitoMom pushed #SerialKillerMom to a sick #DanceMomBrawl

Mothers II #BathtubMom scrubs down #MomInTrunk, while #MouthyMom shrieks #WhoKilledDaddy

Antichrist #BoxesOfBabies Inside the old #HouseOfSnakes Hark! The #SoundsOfDeath

A Fun Night #PotheadPrincess meets #PervyGranny, #KillerNun: Ends in #DwarfSexSting

Boobs What #CleavageComplaint? Oh, this #BreastMilkXRay shows Too much #BreastAndBeer

T-Pain’s Lament Pricey #StripperBill #PotToBlame — high, took her to #BurgerKingBaby 

2

On Gliding and Sliding

I ventured outside and as soon as boots touched wet, icy cement, I began to glide. A yard or so from where I began, I came to a stop, still straight up. Traveling this way felt just like standing on an airport people mover.  What was I going out for again?

Back to the desk for a quick round of Google poem-ing. To keep you inside, I offer this short list of things recently described as "a slippery slope":