dreams
1

Expectations vs. Reality vs. Alternate Reality

First Date Expectation: You are witty and charming beyond belief. Your hair has never looked better. You end the evening with a passionate kiss, and neither of you have bad breath. Reality: It's obvious that both of you are trying really hard. Half of your jokes fall flat, but to be fair, so do theirs. You exchange a friendly hug at the end of the evening. Alternate Reality: You are a scorpion. They are a shapeless ball of light. The world has ended, but it wasn't really there to begin with. The sex is awkward but adequate.

81

"A French Bulldog"

“I have 11 brothers and sisters, and 26 nieces and nephews. Let’s hope everyone stays alive and keeps talking with each other." —Jon (bosom friend of the Hairpin) Cotner asks strangers on the street for their holiday wishes, with customarily sweet and sad and funny results.

8

What Girls Dream

All girls dream the same dream, together, all at once. Usually the dream is about shoes or closets. Or even bigger, prettier closets. In the dream we all get married. and live in a dream house which is often a doll house, same thing. We wear dresses in the dream, pink lace dresses and jewelry.

Let's listen in on the dream that every girl, the whole world over, is dreaming of lately, shhhhhh: