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Ask a Clean Person: Get Rid of Your Cats

Your cat cleaning questions answered.

Ask a Clean Person: Dude, Where’s My Coach?

If you have a Coach purse that got fucked up somehow, this column is for you.

Ask a Clean Person: The Stain Trifecta

Stain treatment really (really really really) depends on what the stain is.

Help, There Are Grease Stains Everywhere!

Grease is the word. It’s the word that you heard. It’s got a groove, it’s got a meaning. Grease is the time, is the place, is the motion. Grease is the way we are feeling.

Ask a Clean Person: Green Cleaning Alternatives

Here are some of the best tips for green alternatives to commercial cleaning products, random foodstuffs that will get your things clean, and landfill-saving tricks that will cut down on your shopping bill.

How Do You Go, Girl? (TO THE BATHROOM)

Toilet smells! And sounds! And fears! Do you have them? Do you have a totally healthy relationship to the fact that we all poop?

Sprouting Windows, Moldy Teeth, and Dirty Tea

Advice for these problems is right here!

Everything You Need To Know About Cleaning Laundry

Unless you are so astoundingly filthy that there are cartoon stink lines coming off you.

It’s Time To Clean Your Floors

I absolutely hate cleaning the floors. I hate even thinking about it. It has to be done, though, and I do it all the time, so today we’re going to go through the basics of (1) what cleaning products to use, (2) what type of surfaces to use them on, and (3) how to use them.

Ask a Clean Person: The War on Bugs

This person put out 12 roach baits one difficult night when she came home a little tipsy and got out of bed naked to get some water and saw a cockroach and baited the whole kitchen and bathroom and even the living room, in the nude, drunk, crying a little bit, but it doesn’t seem like they’re helping. The other problem here is that she has a very loving dog so she a) is afraid to use chemicals where the dog will lick them and b) has to leave a bowl of water out which she thinks is something the roaches like.

How To Perk Up Your Muff

I found this totally gorgeous white rabbit fur muff at a thrift store a few years ago and, for whatever reason, put it in a closet in my parents’ house and forgot about it for too long. I just rediscovered it, only to find that it has been infested by a team of some kind of creepy invertebrate that may or may not all still be alive. How do I de-bug it without harming the delicate, soft rabbit fur so that I can go ice skating, walk in winter wonderlands, and enjoy other old-fashioned winter fun with my beautiful rabbit fur muff?

Ask a Clean Person: Sulfur Water, Toilet Brushes and Shower Mold

What should I be doing to my toilet brush after I use it? Dousing it with bleach? Burning it? I worry about it sitting there in its own filth.

Ask a Clean Person: Toilets, Ovens, and the Importance of Rubber Gloves

How do I wash dishes? How do I clean an oven?

How Do You Do Laundry?

It’s pretty easy! Let’s break it down.

Clean Your Jeans


How To Clean Your Armpit Stains

It’s not just you.

Ask a Clean Person: Stanky Slippers, Ganky Humidifiers, and Manky Uggs

Uggs! I shove my feet into them all winter long and try to avoid rain puddles and city sludge, but sometimes I become careless. How do I keep the suede pretty and the fleece interior from being not nearly as disgusting as I think it probably is?

Clean Your Oven

I have a mouse in my apartment, so the Super came over while I was at the office and helpfully put sticky traps in the kitchen, which I saw when I arrived home that night. What I did not see was the sticky trap he put IN THE OVEN until an hour ago when I was merrily preheating and suddenly toxic smoke started billowing out. So not only were my bulgur-stuffed peppers lunch plans derailed, I now have a puddle of quickly cooling sticky trap glue at the bottom of my oven. I know you did a question on oven cleaning before, and I am happy to proceed as instructed, but will it work on glue? And will I create a toxic nightmare using Easy-Off Oven Cleaner on top of the glue?

How To Wash Bras

I know I need to wash by hand. I’ve never had to wash delicates before, how do you do it without messing them up? What soap do you use?

How To Clean Up After Sex

Plan ahead for Valentine’s Day, or just for the weekend. You do you!