I’ve pretty much known that I’ve liked chicks from the time I was 13 on. However, because my spirituality conflicted with my sexuality, I never really acted on it. Here I am 32 years old now, entering the world of dating. I have no clue how to meet chicks, talk to them, date them… don’t even get me started on sex. How do I do this? I am this freakish anomaly that really hasn’t dated, is a virgin (yikes) and is really into Jesus. Is there hope for me?
“When I see kids my age being so confident and certain of who they are, it makes me a little envious — their certainty has highlighted my lack thereof and I’m totally lost.”
Me: a lesbian with less than no interest in dating men. “Fred”: this guy I thought was just a pal. We’re not particularly close (to wit: he isn’t aware that I’m not interested in guys. We basically just talk about comics), but I recently learned from a third party that he has harboured some sort of INEXTINGUISHABLE PASSION for me during the whole time we’ve known each other. That’s pretty weird right? Five years of hanging out once in a while and not once has he mentioned anything about this, but apparently he’s been talking to all of his friends about it. So my question is, how much courtesy do I owe “Fred” in this situation?
I don’t want to cheat on my girlfriend, nor do I want to break her heart by leaving her to satisfy some morbid curiosity, and I know for sure the open relationship/threesome route is a no-go, certainly not this far along in our monogamy. I love this woman, but as things are progressing further and further toward talk of marriage and babies and whatnot, I know I could not in good conscience agree to be with her for the rest of my life unless I knew that’s what my heart/vagina really wanted. I can’t talk to my friends about this, because I’m afraid if I do they won’t support me in this relationship anymore, thinking I’ll never be truly happy. I don’t know how to talk to my girlfriend about it without crushing her and risking her feeling inadequate/lacking for the rest of our life together.
My brother tells me I’m being a moron because sex is only a small part of the relationship and I’ll never find someone who is otherwise as perfect for me as he is. Oh I should probably tell you that I’ve asked/confronted him about being gay probably three times in our relationship. Each time he swears, he PROMISES that he is not and tells me how hurt and shit that makes him feel to know that his own girlfriend also doubts his sexuality. Please help me!
I came to the conclusion a long time ago that First Love will always, always give me FEELINGS, and that’s fine. They’re more road-not-taken, amorphous feelings. But I don’t want to let them spill over into now-me’s life, and I really don’t want to convince myself that I am not happy with my lovely partner, etc, for no real reason. I just wondered if you had some commiserations or words of wisdom for me.
We recently have been having Serious Talks about our relationship. She told me that she felt under-loved, so I stepped it up with the lovey notes, treats, cuddles, planning dates. She told me that she felt like I didn’t know what I wanted from my life and was changing it to suit her, so I laid it out in an email and asked her to respond either way with how she felt. It’s been a week and she hasn’t gotten back to me.
What if I just really like women and this feeling of wanting to be one is so I’d have more ready access to the things that I like? And what if I’m using this fantasy as a way of letting myself express interest in dudes? Or what if I’m straight-up trans and just can’t admit it?
Most people do not have what it takes to maintain a successful long-distance relationship. I don’t. I’ve tried. Almost no one has what it takes to maintain a successful long-distance relationship right out of high school, when they have almost no experience with relationships of any kind. If things aren’t working out with your girlfriend — and from where I’m sitting it looks like they’re not — that doesn’t say anything bad about you. It just says that your high school romance couldn’t make it outside of high school. That’s sad, but practically everyone goes through it. The only people who don’t are the people who weren’t getting laid in high school at all.
I’m a 19-year-old bisexual woman, and I hate myself for liking men. I feel like I’m not queer enough to have a say in LGBT issues or to call myself a butch or own a strap-on, and I fully realize that this is stupid. I wish I were a lesbian, because I feel kind of hated and left out in the gay blogosphere/community, and I don’t really feel any desire to plunge into heteronormative straight culture. The problem is that I keep having strong heart/vagina feelings for dudes.