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Mr. Darcy Might Have LOL’d: On Male Usage of Emoticons and Laugh-cronyms

My face is set in a neutral expression as I type this, probably too dull to merit an emoticon. Let’s say I was smiling, though, or even laughing. Let’s say I was laughing so hard that part of my ass literally came off, on account of all the calories expended. You wouldn’t know it unless I mentioned it. Right now I’m conveying meaning through words only — complete, unadorned sentences.

The Three Types of ‘Golden Girls’ Commenters on YouTube

“Alex Rocco was the first Glen. This is Jerry Orbach. He was also Detective. Lennie Brisoce on ‘Law and Order.’”

Headlines That Sound Like Upworthy, But Are Simply Attempts To Express My Withering Contempt

Poor Upworthy!

The Best Time I Tweeted About Private Parts

Online sharing can result in very embarrassing situations.

Recent Google Searches

how to suggest friends with benefits relationship over email

German Words for Gchat-related Psychoemotional States

Verkendokumentaugenstich: The momentary pinch of inadequacy and remorse felt when you glance away from a chat and spot the work you are supposed to be doing

If You Were a Hyperlink

If you were a hyperlink I’d click you so hard.

How to Boil Eggs

For something as theoretically simple as boiling eggs, there are too many articles online about how to do it.

Modern Truth or Dare

The Writer-Groupie Experiment

For someone who grew up surrounded by fame, I was obsessed with the quiet inner world of the writer. And the only way to learn about that world was the old-fashioned way: I’d compose embarrassingly gushy handwritten letters, stuff them into envelopes, and send them on to their publisher.

Inward Futures

Will movies ever be able to get anything mundane right, given the increasing amount of time we spend staring at screens?

College Admissions Essay Prompts

Sometimes life presents challenges, and you are not always able to obtain what you want, when you want it. Discuss a time when you have been told you cannot haz something, and explain how this impacted your viewpoint of how important it is to haz things, in general.

Things The Internet Tells Me to Do That I Will Not Be Doing


The Comment Section for Every Article Ever Written About Artificial Sweeteners

“I sweeten my coffee with manuka honey, which cures leg ulcers.”

Lies My Spam Folder Tells Me About Myself

I am single, Christian, and ready to ChristianMingle

Get This Look: Reading Material

It’s you!

How Did I Get Here [to This Weird Astrology Site]?

>Do you ever find yourself somewhere strange on the internet, and you can’t remember what led you there until hours later you circle back to an article you’d opened what seems like days ago, and rereading the sentence you left off at makes the pieces fall sadly back together?

How to Become a Web Content Writer

First, graduate college. Congrats, you did it.

When Your Relationship Has 8,000 Facebook “Likes”

An army of fans.

How to Actually Stretch Too-Small Shoes

Oh, you’ve gone and done it again. You bought a way cute pair of shoes that make your feet look a half-size smaller … because they ARE a half-size smaller. But they’ll stretch when you wear them, right?