Why doesn’t anyone listen to Ani DiFranco anymore?
In 1915, totally out of nowhere, she became THE BIGGEST SEX SYMBOL IN THE WORLD. As the star of A Fool There Was, she embodied the cinematic “vamp” — the evil, predatory woman who seduces men with her dark ways, sucks him dry, and leaves him for ruin.
“Smart and snappy” = people talk in ways that no normal human beings would ever talk
I know what you’re thinking: not another wedding! I’m probably like the billionth one of your friends to get engaged this year and clutter your Facebook newsfeed with our big announcement (we only posted it there for our families – so obnoxious!) So thanks again for agreeing to be a part of our “special day.” Ew!
Everybody at this point probably knows that no one person can and will mean everything to them. And that when you think you’re in love with someone for the rest of your life, you’ll most likely get tired of them and secretly plot their death for years and years, slowly poisoning their Frosted Flakes every morning.
Stage One: This bitch better have a Facebook page.
I’ve pretty much known that I’ve liked chicks from the time I was 13 on. However, because my spirituality conflicted with my sexuality, I never really acted on it. Here I am 32 years old now, entering the world of dating. I have no clue how to meet chicks, talk to them, date them… don’t even get me started on sex. How do I do this? I am this freakish anomaly that really hasn’t dated, is a virgin (yikes) and is really into Jesus. Is there hope for me?
“I’m engaged to a really great guy. I’ve known him for about two years, I love him to pieces, and he does everything in his power to make me feel loved, too. But he has a very sordid history when it comes to commitment.”
“Typically from what I’ve seen, it’s been women in their late teens or early twenties, kind of shy and with some family trauma. It’s usually a woman with poor social skills. Personally, I think it’s a manifestation of depression. It’s a way to interact socially without taking many risks. I think they do it for attention, and in some cases, for respect. People give parents of cancer patients a lot of admiration and credit.”
Toilet smells! And sounds! And fears! Do you have them? Do you have a totally healthy relationship to the fact that we all poop?
Until this point, your friendships happened through a vague combination of forced institutional socializing, classes, sports and booze. None of your friends can remember exactly how they became friends with each other. But now you are an adult, and now that friend-making is a conscious act, you realize you don’t know how to do it. Everything you’ve ever learned about meeting people is for meeting potential boyfriends, and in your case, the same rules don’t hold up.
Alli is a 26-year-old woman who lives in New York. When she was 11 days old, she was adopted through a closed process, and she grew up in the suburbs of Chicago.
A couple of days ago I started trying out this thing, vaguely related to my yoga practice, wherein I am basically supposed to “speak softly or medium-soft” for 40 consecutive days. There are a lot of ways to interpret this directive, which I like to think was translated from Gurmukhi and originally said something like, “Try not to spend all your time just going off on shit.”
I have a very special, very intense, very secret, very unrequited and ongoing relationship with the very attractive UPS Man who brings me packages nearly every day. I love UPS Man most during the spring and summer when he wears his brown polyester shorts and he speeds up the hill toward my building, music blaring—often classic rock.