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Ask a Clean Person: ‘Pits, Revisited

The whole problem is that I seriously sweat a lot (A LOT!) and I’m allergic to the active ingredient in most antiperspirants. So I use deodorant and don’t get smelly, but I can barely wear woven button-ups or nice blouses with sleeves because I sweat through them. I’ve heard tell of the dress shields of old but have never seen them for sale. I’ve asked my dermatologist and there’s not really a medical solution, since I happen to be madly allergic to the only effective antiperspirant known to humanity.

I Love TV

When we first moved in together, we decided to give up television and begin an experimental year of culture and activities, a year that would theoretically be filled with painting, harpsichord, and hiking in linen tunics.

On Adding or Keeping Distances

Moms, friends, guys: How far away should we keep them from ourselves?

How Do You Walk In Heels Like A Lady?

Also, how does one figure out what color tights/nylons/stockings/what have you to wear with what?

The Cult I Almost Joined

C told me about a group that she attends every Saturday evening. It’s a group of young women, just like me, burnt out on life, searching for meaning. They talk about their problems and they celebrate their successes. There’s a man that runs the group. He used to be a writer, and then he found that his true calling was helping women find their potential. He was an inspiration, which of course was her word.

That Girl Is Poison: A Brief, Incomplete History of Female Poisoners

Compared to other methods for murder, 39.5% of poisoners being female is fairly high – from 2006 to 2010, women represented 21% of arson cases, and only 7.9% of gun murders. There are still many more female arsonists and shooters because those are more popular crimes—in the sample years there were only 49 poisonings total—but it’s still notable.

How To Clean A Weed Pipe

Also jacuzzi jets and shoe polish stains, but let’s be honest, you’re here about the weed pipe.

My “Intro To Feminism” Diary

I spent a ridiculous amount of time analyzing “rape culture” in “pop” culture, to the point where I pretty convincingly argued that a McDonald’s Milkshake commercial was objectifying the importance of mother’s milk.

Why Won’t My Guy Complain About Me?

My fiancé (dating three years, engaged eight months, living together two years) never complains about me to me. Not ever. He’s never once asked me to change my behavior in any way. I’ve mentioned this to him before, and he doesn’t really have an explanation. I’ve mentioned that it worries me, and he says it shouldn’t. What to do?

Safe Sexting: Some Tips for Doing It Right

Sexy pictures don’t have to be so literal! Why not send an erotic representation of your nudity, like two pepperonis or a particularly vaginal flower?

Scandals of Classic Hollywood: The Long Suicide of Montgomery Clift

Montgomery Clift had the most earnest of faces: big, pleading eyes, a set jaw, and a side part that reminds you of old pictures of your granddad. Onscreen and off, he was what the kids these days would call “an emo” and the least generous of your friends would call a “sad sack.” If he lived in the ‘90s, he would have been king of the heartfelt mixtape. Clift played the desperate, the drunken, and the deceived, and along with Brando and Dean, heralded a new direction in cinematic masculinity. But a car crash in the prime of his career left him in constant pain, and he drank himself to an early death. The trajectory of his life was as tragic as any of his films. But for 12 years, he set Hollywood aflame.

The Best Time I Went Home With Someone I Didn’t Realize Was So Young

The next morning, I rolled over and realized that something was a bit off. I snuck out of bed, grabbed my phone, and texted my trouble-making friend from the previous evening: There is a child in my apartment. In the harsh light of day, it was quite apparent that my bed-fellow was nowhere near my own age.

New Game Alert! Depression or Unemployment?

Having recently found myself involuntarily jobless, I had a lot of time on my hands. And I discovered that I was filling that time in new and unusual ways that made me ask questions like, “hey, is this something a depressed person does? Or is this just unemployment?” So I created a game, because obviously.

Schoolhouse Rock, the Foundation of This Country

HOW DO YOU KNOW WHAT AN INTERJECTION IS WITHOUT SCHOOLHOUSE ROCK?????? I DON’T UNDERSTAND HOW ELSE YOU’D REMEMBER WITHOUT SAYING “IN-TER-JECTION! SHOWS EXCITEMENT! OR EMOTION! It’s generally set apart from a sentence by an exclamation point, or by a comma when the feeling’s not as strong!!” like who are you some sort of genius?

Reading Between the Texts: The Other Side

“What message do you want to send? Are you trying to play it cool like you don’t really care that much, unless he cares a lot? Or are you like, trying to be sexy and forward?”

How do I explain feminism to my boyfriend without alienating him?

Also, how do I make a breakup work and how bad should I feel about being the cheat-ee?

The Best Friends of Rom Com Heroines, In Order

Number one is pretty obvious.

Interview With My Mom, One Who Stayed Home

My parents have been married for 40 years, and what they modeled for my brothers and me has shaped so much of who I am. My mom, Nicole, is one of the smartest people I know. She’s also very funny. It is only now, in my thirties, that I’ve been able to fully appreciate her choices as a woman, wife, and mother and what her choices have made possible for me. When I read articles on the Opt Out generation wanting to return to the workplace, I think of my mother.

On Being Unexpectedly Crummy at Breastfeeding

You really did not think this was going to happen, partly because you spent nine months being practically Gisele about EVERYONE SHOULD DO IT and WOMEN WHO SAY THEY CAN’T ARE LIARS BECAUSE EVOLUTION (not out loud, or anything, because you’re likable), but quietly and fatuously in your head.

How do I build a new, work-appropriate wardrobe without breaking the bank?

The best way to be valued for your ideas and work rather than superficial bullshit is to follow the rules so that you never have stained pants or sloppy email diction distracting from your awesomeness. So how to get to there on an entry-level budget, and how much to budget for that stuff?