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Be the Hair You Wish to See in the World

Wait, you guys have never heard the term hairography before? So you're telling me you don't incorporate whipping your hair back and forth into your SoulCycle routine? Weird. Luckily Well+Good has a piece on the latest trend in SoulCycle culture. Let's get into it: READ MORE

#TBT To That Time We Almost Had It All

That hit the spot. As Choire himself said, "There's nothing constant in this world. Everything changes." Just gonna go pull a Harry Crane after watching a slide show now.

This Is Our Youth?

Tavi Gevinson, Kieran Culkin, and new musician Michael Cera are starring in Kenneth Lonergan's play This Is Our Youth opening on Broadway on um, September 11th. This is Tavi Gevinson's theatrical debut, as well as Kenneth Lonergan's first play on Broadway as well. Dave Itzkoff interviewed them during rehearsals in Chicago: READ MORE

Flo Rida & Sage the Gemini, "GDFR"

Flo Rida and Sage the Gemini just released their new song, "GDFR," which is an acronym that stands for "going down for real" which I plan on using as my new "looks like we're on the local!" elevator joke. This song is really catchy and a pretty phat beat. [Radio.com]

Jenny Lewis, Then And Now

Carl Wilson writes about Jenny Lewis' new album, The Voyager, in Slate and perfectly sums up why we love her, beginning with the Rilo Kiley days: READ MORE

The Most Satisfying People to Subtweet (in Ascending Order)

Facebook friends who don't understand Twitter

Minor media celebrities

Aaron Sorkin

Beloved former boss

Hateful former boss

Current micromanaging boss

Person you are currently dating (and it's going really well!)

Person you are currently dating (but they've been acting really weird lately??!)

Colleague who always responds to your ideas in meetings with "That's one idea!"

A former spouse

A former President

Person you used to date (but you want back in)

Person you used to date (but you want them to want back in)

Person you are really attracted to (who favs your subtweets about them!)

Person you are really attracted to (who RTs your subtweets about them!)

 

[Photo via Febriblog]

Drake and Nicki Minaj Conversation

 

Nicki: Hey Drizzy, I have a favor to ask...

Drake: Threesome with you and RiRi?

Nicki: Oh Drake! LOL. Ok, so my butt cheeks are making this new video, and I wanted to see if you could guest rap a verse?

Drake: Oh wow. To be honest, I feel like I already covered starting from the bottom and now I've kind of moved past that, you know?

Nicki: I mean, they're two different kinds of bottoms...my new song features a lot of play on words. Like did you know an anaconda is actually a type of penis metaphor invented in the nineties by Sir Ben Kingsley, Sir Paul McCartney, and Sir Mix-A-Lot?

Drake: Yeah, of course I knew that. But look, I'm really busy this summer. I have that tour with Lil Wayne and everyone knows we're like the Affleck and Damon of our time. I really don't have time to come up with lyrics about how your butt makes me feel.

Nicki: What if you just phoned it in like Jay Z in "Drunk in Love"??

Drake: I'm too much of an artist! I'm getting an idea though...what if you gave me a twerk heavy lap dance–

Nicki: Sure!

Drake: –in the video? I need my Robin Thicke moment.

Nicki: Ohhh! That sounds sexy! I could wear a bra and some booty revealing leggings from the sex shop?

Drake: Well if we're going for sexy,  I could wear some mesh basketball shorts and sneakers!

Nicki: Are you sure you don't want to do anything more?

Drake: No, you're right. We're good friends. I want to help you out. How about instead of rapping, I'll sit in a chair wearing gym clothes while making my "I have a boner!" face?

Nicki: These are great ideas. Any others?

Drake: What if you ate a ton of bananas in this video?? Everyone knows bananas are the sexiest potassium-rich food there is.

 

Michelle Markowitz will stop writing about Drake one day.

[Photo via YouTube]

Nicki Minaj, "Anaconda"

So can we talk some more about the video for Nicki Minaj's "Anaconda?" The title is a reference of course to Sir-Mix-A-Lot's classic line from "Baby Got Back," "my anaconda don't want none, unless you got buns, hun." The anaconda he is referring to is I believe his penis, which he also calls Sir-Metaphors-A-Lot. READ MORE

Just Keep Livin', (Livin' = Wearing a Fanny Pack Without Apologies)

Every generation gets the celebrity man purse they deserve. Remember when John Wayne carried a LeSportsac? No? Well Matthew McConaughey is now sporting a BLACK LEATHER FANNY PACK and he is not apologizing: READ MORE

Never Bring Your Boyfriend to Brunch

Pre-brunch text:

Your friend: [30 minutes before you're meeting] "Hey, it it cool if I bring my boyfriend along last minute to our catch up brunch we've been planning all week?"

You: OK. [You caught that "OK" is text-speak for "No" right??]

Your friend: Yay! We can talk about anything in front of him. Seriously! [Anything except all my relationship (and that weird sex thing he did that I told you about once!!) problems with him!]

 

Brunch:

You: So what's...[search for acceptable neutral topic and give up]... new this week?

Friend and Friend's New Boyfriend: [40 minute long story about a Blue Apron dinner they made. Spoiler: It was such a fun night and it turned out delicious!]

Friend: So what's up with [something in your romantic life you don't feel like getting into in front of Friend's New Boyfriend]?

You: It's going great...

Friend: But what about [refers to a more interesting part of the story you were saving all week to tell in person at brunch]?

You: Umm, well [continues to tell a very PG version of that story which rivals their Blue Apron story in terms of sexual provocativeness]

Friend's Boyfriend: [Unsolicited really bad advice]

Friend: He's so great! He's like one of the girls, right?!

You: [Orders another drink. Then another.]

[image via]

 

Michelle still had a really great time at brunch and was definitely not referring to the time you brought your boyfriend last minute.