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Texts From Pride and Prejudice

And you must see to it that your sister invites Mr. Bingley, Lizzie  READ MORE

A Christmas Story

The old nativity scene we put up on the church lawn was made of white plastic that lit up at night, bright slashes of paint for beards and eyes and hair. The figures — one Mary, one Joseph, one Jesus, two shepherds, one angel, three wise Men, and a camel — had always glowed cheap and cheerful under their straw hutch. And they were light enough that it only took a couple volunteers from the youth group to set them up (and untangle their wires, and enjoy the scene with hot apple cider in little styrofoam cups). READ MORE

Texts From Don Quixote

Dulcinea
DULCINEA
BESTIR YOURSELF
dragons -
dragons everywhere - READ MORE

Texts From the American Girls

nellie 
nellie why didnt u come to the hedge today
to the lessons hedge )for lessons)
I'm sorry, Miss Parkington
I wasn't able to get away in time and
i was going to teach you more lessons 
is this about my birthday party 
are u mad at me
no – Samantha -
because i told you 
its not that youre not my friend 
you are my friend 
I'm glad to be your friend
u are just more of my FACTORY friend 
and not really 
my "birthday party" friend
I understand
guess how many kinds of ice cream we had 
I don't know
haha there are only three kinds of ice cream nellie
everyone knows that 
I see
youve got a lot of lessons ahead of you nellie
ICE CREAM LESSONS READ MORE

The Ghosting of Ghost

Day 1
hello
hi hello
oh 
oh hi
there has to be someone here 
there really just has to be
i dont want it just to be me here 
hello?
oh oh i dont want it to just be me READ MORE

Texts From Little Women

MEG 
MEG 
MEG WHAT’S ALL THIS 
WHAT’S ALL THIS I’M HEARING ABOUT YOUR GETTING MARRIED
tell me it’s a wretched lie 
Jo I don’t know how many more times we have to have this conversation
I’ll have it a THOUSAND TIMES if I must
but yes
I am still marrying John tomorrow
OH GREAT TRIPLE-HORNED GOD
just like I was planning to yesterday
this is unbearable
and also last month
answer me this, then
who exactly do you think is going to play Mercy
when we put on my version of The Pilgrim’s Progress this summer?
I wrote that part for YOU 
wrote it beautifully in fact
I don’t know, darling
she gets a cracking scene with the villain Rodrigo where he tries to poison her 
and she screams and faints and everything 
I don’t remember anyone named Rodrigo in The Pilgrim’s Progress
THAT’S NEITHER HERE NOR THERE MEG
I’m very sorry
this production will be ruined 
why don’t you ask Amy?
i’m not even going to dignify that with a response  READ MORE

Texts From the Baby-Sitters Club

Hey Claudia
I know math is really tough for you
but even you should know
that two dollars an hour
for six hours
means we’re at least twelve dollars short
of what should be in the treasury
i know how much twelve is, Kristy
and i didn't take your stupid money
look
all I'm saying
is that someone that good at hiding candy in her room
probably has a few great places to hide twelve dollars
like maybe in an incredibly ugly macrame wallet with velvet appliqués
yeah well
at least my dad still lives at home
unlike some people’s dads
unlike your dad 
Kristy READ MORE

Love Letters Sent and Responses Received, Without Commentary

1. "I understand that your family's primary concern is that J____ – the sister and daughter you love deeply – is a healthy, happy, self-aware person who is capable of receiving and giving love in her relationships without becoming needy, or domineering, or dishonest, or manipulative, or unkind. It's what we wish for all the people that we love. Of course, we may feel differently about where same-sex relationships fall into the happy/healthy/appropriate spectrum, but I do understand that you all want the best for her. READ MORE

Texts From Rebecca

oh Mrs. de Winter
I realized after I took you on a tour of the master wing
I forgot to tell you about her clothes
whose clothes?
Whose clothes do you think
Rebecca’s?
of course
they were incredible
even her taste in nightgowns was impeccable
not like some nightgowns i could name
not like some nightgowns I have to regularly launder and fold and put away
I see
your nightgowns, specifically
I hate your nightgowns
so if when you come home tonight
you see a lot of R’s scribbled in lipstick and also blood all over your nightgowns
that was me
Ah
in case you wondered
who that was
Well, now I won’t wonder
the R is for Rebecca
I see   
also I can’t stand the kind of tea you buy 
so I ripped open all the bags 
and strewed the leaves throughout the great hallway
oh dear
because honestly
bagged tea?
this is a stately home 
like of England
this house has an actual name
you don’t even have a name
literally no one has ever mentioned your name
it’s just “where is my wife” and “this is Mrs. de Winter”
“the second” Mrs. de Winter
“the lesser” Mrs. de Winter
“the Mrs. de Winter who gets her tea in bags”
god i hate you
so much READ MORE

Your Grief Has Taken the Form of a Witch!

Your grief has taken the form of a witch! READ MORE